Tag Archives: moving to Belfield North Dakota

More Black Men Needed At Roughrider Bar & Steakhouse In Belfield, North Dakota

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This Friday I drove from Dickinson to the Roughrider Bar & Steakhouse in Belfield, North Dakota for their prime rib dinner.  Belfield is twenty-four miles west of Dickinson.  Belfield has a population of approximately 1, 400 people.  The other restaurants in Belfield are Trappers Kettle and J&J Chinese Cafe.

I called ahead to the Roughrider Bar & Steakhouse in Belfield to make sure that they were having prime rib this night.  The person who answered the telephone said some name other than Roughrider Bar & Steakhouse, which I didn’t understand, but they were having prime this night.  I looked on the internet, and the Facebook page for Roughrider Bar & Steakhouse has been changed to TopNotch Custom Meats.

I have eaten at the Roughrider Bar & Steakhouse previously within the past several months, the steak was good, and the bar and restaurant were quiet like a restaurant, not rowdy like a bar.  The other diners were mostly older farmers and ranchers, who were quietly and amicably socializing and enjoying their dinner with their families and friends.  This was fine with me, because I don’t like chaos and mayhem at dinner.  This is why I wanted to drive thirty miles to go have steak in Belfield, instead of driving two or three miles to The Crossing, Players Club, JDs BBQ, or the Brickhouse Grille in Dickinson.

The large prime rib that I ordered at the Roughrider Bar & Steakhouse was $27.50, and it came with a salad and baked potato.  This was by far the best looking and best tasting prime rib that I ever had.  I didn’t know if I just got lucky with this particular piece of meat, or if the other diners each had one that was just as good.  As I was eating this prime rib, I found that the pan sauce and seasoning was very very good, and that the exterior seemed to have been marinated, so I concluded that it was not luck that this steak was so good.

But forget about me and how much I was enjoying my steak, I could not help notice that the waitress and bartender girls did not appear to be having a good time, which made me begin to not be having a good time.  I got the impression that it would be appreciated if I would hurry up and eat and leave.  This time, and the previous time that I ate at the Roughrider Bar & Steakhouse, I did not feel very welcome or wanted there.  As I was eating, I observed how the waitresses and bartender women interacted with the other customers, and it appeared to be the same, disinterested, not appreciated, giving the impression that the customer’s departure would be a relief.  This is a very big problem in Dickinson, and apparently also in Belfield, the waitress and bartender women are sick and tired of white men customers.

Please, everybody stop what you are doing, and think about this, can you imagine how horrible it must be for a waitress to go to work, and have to look at and listen to white men talk?  Think about it, electricians, plumbers, mechanics, truck drivers, farmers, and ranchers, ordering food and drinks, paying for it, and leaving tips, does it get any worse than that?  I could tell that the waitress and bartender women were very long suffering with the white men customers at the Roughrider Bar & Steakhouse.

All the women in Dickinson, and apparently Belfield, are sick and tired of white men.  White men driving up, parking their truck, walking in, sitting down, saying something, …why it’s like finger nails on a chalk board, it just makes their skin crawl!  Why can’t there be more black men?  That’s what they want!

Most important in operating a bar or restaurant, is that the waitress and bartender women are entertained at work with customers they find interesting, so in order to help, I am writing this blog post to let all the black men know that they should go to the Roughrider Bar & Steakhouse.  To get there, take Interstate 94 to get to the Belfield exit.  Once exiting, drive south for approximately 1/8 mile until you see the NAPA store on the right.  Make a right turn and drive west for approximately 1/4 mile, then turn south.  This leads you right into downtown Belfield where you will find the Roughrider Bar & Steakhouse.  The waitress and bartender women will be so happy to see black men, because they love black men and are sick of white men, that I don’t even think that they will make black men pay for anything.

Bring as many black men as possible so that each waitress and bartender can go home with at least one black man, and so that there isn’t any room at the bar for white men.  The waitresses and bartenders don’t want to look at, listen to, or deal with white men customers because they are so dull and uninteresting.

How Men Are Assessed In Western North Dakota, Part I

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I have lived in Dickinson, North Dakota for almost four years now.  The local people in Dickinson, judge, assess, and evaluate men differently than they do in other parts of the United States.

I lived in Florida mostly until I was 30.  After that I lived and worked in Colorado, Utah, Texas, Arizona, Idaho, and North Dakota.  Higher education is important and valued in Florida, Colorado, Utah, Texas, and Arizona.  Not valued very much in Idaho and North Dakota.

In the states that I just mentioned that valued higher education, if you had a bachelors degree, this would allow you to enter into and work your way up in accounting, advertising, banking, business management, construction management, healthcare, human resources, insurance, manufacturing, marketing, real estate appraisal, sales, and other businesses.  What employers were looking for, were people who had adult level competency in reading, writing, math, history, logic, critical thinking, decision making, ability to learn, and ability to complete tasks unsupervised.  Local people in western North Dakota don’t look at things this way.

Things are different in western North Dakota.  For instance, if there was no Oil Boom, people that had good logic, critical thinking, and decision making ability would move away, so people in western North Dakota could never evaluate anyone based on these three criteria, because they wouldn’t be here in the first place.  Some of the other criteria that are important elsewhere like reading, writing, math, and history, are not important in western North Dakota.  In western North Dakota, they were looking for people that would stay and show up for work.

In western North Dakota, the most important characteristic in a male, was that he stay and show up for work.

In the small town in Florida that I grew up in, in the college towns that I went to school in, in the cities that I worked in, women would rather date, be with, and marry a guy that had a college degree, because everyone knows that college graduates make more money and have more employment opportunities.  In most of the places that I lived, women were very aware of the employment possibilities and earnings potential for every type of education.  Women would most like to be in a relationship with a medical doctor, 2nd lawyer, 3rd MBA or PhD, 4th physician’s assistant, pharmaceutical sales rep or engineer.  In western North Dakota, what really turns a woman on, is a guy that is going to stay here and show up for work.

How Women In Dickinson Can Behave Like Southern Ladies, Part 4 of 4

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This will be the last part for the time being.  There is a lot more to cover, but it would take a big book to include everything, and I don’t want to entirely devote this blog to this subject.  Parts 1, 2, 3, & 4 cover what I think are some of the most important things.

6.  Do Not Look Like A Slob In Public.  Try to take a shower, comb your hair, and put on clean normal clothes before you leave your home.  You might think that it is cute when you wear pajama pants and slippers to go to the store, but actually, people think that your family must be so trashy that you don’t even know any better.  You might think that you are cute when you go to the King Buffet or the Pizza Ranch in your pajama pants and slippers, but other people at the restaurant see you and think, “You must have gotten your welfare assistance payment today, that is why you are out to eat in your pajamas.”

The big problem is, women get in the habit of always wearing sweat pants or pajama pants, an over size worn t-shirt, an over size worn hoodie sweatshirt, and they live the rest of their life dressing this way.  They say to themselves, “I am just going to the post office, I am just going to the bank, I am just going to the car dealer to drop off my car.”  Do the women who work at the bank or at the car dealer dress this way?  No, the women who work at the bank and at the car dealer don’t dress this way because it is not allowed, they would look like a slob.  You look like a slob.

7.  Do Not Act Like A Slob In Public.  When you are out with your family, do not act like a troop of baboons, yelling, screeching, grabbing things, picking at yourselves, oblivious to the human beings around you.

8.  Do Not Become Over Intoxicated In Public.  No, people will not forget the things that you said and the things that you did when you were drunk.  They will not think that it was just the alcohol, they will think that that is how you really are, and it just finally came out.

How Women In Dickinson Can Behave Like Southern Ladies Part 3 of 4

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Please read Part 1 and Part 2 in my previous two blog posts where I explained Rules 1 through 4.  Many women in Dickinson already know these rules, however many do not.

5.  Do Not Fight In Public.  I mean do not engage in a physical fight in public.  In a stressful situation, if you can not stand there with your arms crossed, then you need to leave.  If you are being put under too much stress, you should probably leave anyway.  You do not have to stand there and let someone insult you, curse at you, or threaten you, ..leave.  You should always try to avoid situations where people will mistreat you, however if you find yourself in a situation where you are being mistreated, …leave.  I will give some examples below.

If your boyfriend is being disrespectful or insulting, …leave.

If your husband is being abusive, disrespectful, or insulting, …leave.

If a co-worker is being abusive or threatening, you should probably leave.

If an employer is being abusive or threatening, you should leave.

In the examples that I gave above, you need to let people know that you will not tolerate mistreatment or abuse, and though they may be using bad language, vulgarity, and making threats, you aren’t going to behave like that.  In your personal relationships, you can disassociate yourself from anyone that is disrespectful and abusive, but you should also do this in your professional life, and I will explain why

If an employer ever tries to mistreat you, they will likely never stop.  The first time that an employer does something abusive, understand that this is what they are like, and that this will continue.  There are laws now about “hostile work environment”, but you should just leave first, and not come back.

You might be thinking, “This is easy for you to say, but how am I going to pay my bills?”  When you are a young single woman, you can’t spend all the money that you make.  It is very, very important that you save money, and have quite a bit of money saved up.  You need to not get the most expensive apartment, most expensive furniture, most expensive car, and most expensive clothes that you can buy.  You need to save money and have money saved up so that you will not be at the mercy of other people, or dependent on other people, and can just leave any abusive, threatening, or coercive situation.

Again, a lady should not engage in a physical fight.  But this does not mean that you have to do nothing when people are threatening and abusive to you.  In some cases, it may be appropriate to have a boyfriend, husband, or father inform someone that they had better not mistreat you.  In some cases you may have to explain yourself to an administrator or a manager in order to report and stop abuse.  In some cases you may need a lawyer.  In some cases you may be better off to just never deal with some people again.

How Women In Dickinson Can Behave Like Southern Ladies, Part 2 of 4

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Please read my blog post “How Women In Dickinson Can Behave Like Southern Ladies, Part 1”.  I began that post by saying that many women in Dickinson already know these things that I will write, however many do not, especially the young single women who have come from out of state to work in Dickinson.

4.  Do Not Argue In Public.  You may have been wronged, but do not argue in public.  In confronting an individual that has wronged you, you may accidentally begin to use language that is not lady-like, and you may end up looking trashy and low class.  You may have been wronged, but in confronting an individual in public, details may emerge, or accusations could emerge, that may embarrass you or humiliate you.  Arguing in public, details might emerge that could hurt innocent people.  Arguing in public might reveal a dark side of you that no one was aware of and that you don’t want known.  Arguing in public might lead to a physical fight, and you don’t want or need witnesses to this.  Fighting in public is prohibited in Rule #5 by the way.

Rule #4 is an extremely important rule.  Let’s just say that you are right and that the other person is wrong.  Stop and think about the consequences of arguing in public.  I will have to explain this with some scenarios.

Let us say that your husband has had an affair with a waitress.  You know it, your husband knows it, and the waitress knows it.  In your anger, you might head straight down to the restaurant where this waitress works, and confront her wherever you find her saying, “You fucking whore!  I had better not ever catch you fucking my husband again!”  As a result of this approach, your husband’s friends, your friends, your husband’s co-workers, your co-workers, your neighbors, and probably even your children will know what your husband did.  Was it necessary and beneficial for your neighbors and children to know this?  What if the waitress yells back, “Your husband told me that you were a lesbian and you wouldn’t have sex with him anymore!”  Whether this is true or not, what is everybody going to think?

A lady would confront her husband in private, with no one around, no witnesses, no children.  (How and why do you think that President George Bush got a black eye while he was president and in the private residence?)  No one needs to see or hear this lady using bad language.  No one needs to see or hear this lady punch her husband in the face.  He won’t be able to tell the police.  He will have to say something stupid like he was eating pretzels and a pretzel got caught in his throat and he hit his head on the coffee table.

A lady would not want her children to know that their father had had an affair.  She would not want to upset and confuse the children, who would then spend all of their time worrying that mom and dad were going to get a divorce.  A lady would dictate terms, conditions, and consequences to her husband in private.  All of the arguing and negotiating would be done in private.  No one needs to know or should know the husband and wife’s personal affairs.

If a lady wanted to confront the waitress who had had an affair with her husband, she could inform the waitress that she would like to meet with her.  By the way, a forty-five year old married woman telephoning a twenty-five year old waitress and asking to speak to her in the most matter-of-fact way, would probably result in all restaurant staff suspecting, but not knowing, what had transpired, and it would not be liked.  A quick meeting, off hours, at the most distant table, in a hotel bar, would be an appropriate place for a lady to tell some young woman that she knows what had happened.  That she has explained this to her husband, and now she is explaining this to you, that if this ever happens again, that you can have him, he can come and live with you, but you had better be able to support both of you, because she will be keeping the house, and she and the kids will be taking all of his money.

Rule #4, Do Not Argue In Public, does not mean not doing anything, or not getting even.  In the South, women don’t have to like each other, in order to help each other.  The easy thing to call it would be “Networking” but this it not accurate, because “Networking” is different.  It is more simple, it is like, “If you do something to one of us, you do something to all of us.”  Ladies do not like it when other women cause their husbands to cheat on them.  If a lady told her best friend in the strictest confidence what her husband had done.  Her best friend might take matters into her own hands and tell her friend, who is the wife of the restaurant owner.  The restaurant owner’s wife is not about to have some young girl around that is going to be after her husband next, and this young waitress can no longer work there.

Having just written that in the South, women don’t have to like each other, in order to help each other, the following outcome is just as likely.  Once a wife has had a chance to calm down after finding out that her husband has had an affair.  The wife will want to know who her husband cheated with.  It might be a relief to the wife that her husband cheated with some twenty-five year old waitress, and feel that this is not a threat.  The waitress probably doesn’t want her husband anyway.  The wife might try to put herself in the shoes of the young waitress, not making much money, struggling financially, her husband trying to charm her, maybe promising her things.  The wife might not want any revenge on the young waitress, and begin to believe that both she and the waitress were both victimized by her husband in this.

But remember that there was No Arguing In Public.

How Women In Dickinson Can Behave Like Southern Ladies, Part 1 of 4

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A reader named “Cheryl”, a.k.a. ndgirlone, recently wrote a comment to my blog post “Women In Dickinson, North Dakota”.  I answered some of Cheryl’s questions in my previous post about how I date women in Dickinson.  Cheryl’s comments reminded me that I had intended to write about how women in Dickinson can behave like Southern Ladies.

There are women in Dickinson who already know the things that I will write, but there are many women who don’t know.  In particular the single women from out of state who have come to work in western North Dakota are quite lost in how to behave appropriately.  If they follow my advice, they will be able to improve their situation in life.

  1.   A lady must not use bad language.  Any person who hears a woman use bad language will probably assume that she is trashy and low class.  I will explain later the disadvantages of being thought of as trashy and low class.
  2.   A lady must withdraw and not participate in any situation where bad language is being used.  Any person who observes a woman in the company of others who are using bad language will probably assume that she is trashy and low class.
  3.   A lady must withdraw from any situation where people are behaving inappropriately, crudely, or with vulgarity.  Again, any person who observes a woman in the company of others who are behaving inappropriately will probably assume that she is trashy and low class.

For now, I will just explain the three statements that I made above.  Consider in your mind a young man who is going to medical school to become a doctor, who comes from a wealthy family.  If you were dating this young man, and he took you home to meet his parents, would you be using the words “fuck”, “asshole”, and “shit” around his parents?  You probably would not, unless you wanted to end this relationship quickly.  You would not because you don’t want to appear trashy and low class.  The reason that you might not want to lose your relationship with this young man is because as a husband, he could provide you with a nice home, nice vehicle, and easily pay for your children.  So you see that there is an advantage to not acting trashy and low class.

What you might not be aware of, is that there is opportunity around you every minute of every day.  When you get up in the morning, wear pajama pants and slippers, with your hair looking like a bird’s nest, get in your car to go to a convenience store to get coffee, and maybe say to the cashier, “Fuck, I forgot my wallet, it’s in my car, let me go get it.”  Did you know that the old farmer behind you or sitting at a table has just noticed what a mess you are?  Many of the old farmers in Dickinson are way past being millionaires, they are old, and they have sons.  You had better believe that these old millionaires have a say in what their sons do.  If their son dated a trashy girl like you, it would be against their wishes.  For his son’s sake, he would be told that he was going to receive very little from his father, in order to protect him from this trashy girl he is involved with.

On the other hand, if you were a young lady that had a job as a waitress in a diner in Dickinson, and you were always polite and positive, you might be getting asked questions from old farmers like, “Where are you from?  Are you going to school?”  They are not getting ready to ask you out, but they might think that you are a nice girl and they would like to introduce you to their son, grandson, or nephew.  Yes, yes, old farmers ask trashy waitresses what their name is and where they are from too, but they will be using this information to make damn sure that their son never gets involved with you if they can help it.

These examples that I just gave involved dating and marriage.  However, appearing trashy and low class will adversely affect everything in your life.  You might not even be aware that employment, promotions, educational opportunities, and housing are being given to someone else instead of you because you acted so trashy and low class.

Please go back and re-read the numbered points #1, #2, and #3 above.  You will also have to begin excusing yourself from the company of others who are using bad language, acting crudely, or acting with vulgarity.  If others see you with people like this, they will assume that you are the same as them.  There is the expression, “Birds of a feather, flock together.”  In order to not be in the company of people who use bad language and behave badly, you may no longer be able to go to some bars where everyone uses bad language and behaves badly.  Also, you may have to begin leaving bars and parties by 10:00 p.m., before people are over intoxicated and begin behaving badly.

There are many wives and single professional women who will never, ever, go to some of the bars in Dickinson because many of the patrons become over intoxicated and will act inappropriately.  These women will not tolerate bad, crude, vulgar language, or people putting their hands on them.  These women will also leave parties before people become over intoxicated.  This is what they have to do in order to maintain a reputation as being a lady.

Belfield, North Dakota Is Like Small Towns In Florida Forty Years Ago

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Belfield, North Dakota is twenty miles west of Dickinson, on Interstate 94.  Probably a million oil field workers have exited the interstate in Belfield to get on Highway 85 to go north to Williston.  According to the year 2000 Census there were 866 people living in Belfield, and the 2010 Census said there were 800 people, but I think that there were probably twice that many people because of the Oil Boom.

Most of the people driving on Interstate 94 and Highway 85 do not know that Belfield has a downtown because you can’t see it from these main roads.  If you drive 1/8 of a mile westward from Highway 85 you will find the residential neighborhood with the houses, schools, and churches.  Most of the houses and buildings were built between 1920 and 1980.  The houses and buildings are not fancy, they are simple and modest.

In the middle of the town of Belfield, there is Main Street and 1st Avenue.  In this area there is the Post Office, an old movie theatre which has been remodeled recently to serve as a civic center, and about four bars which also sometimes serve food.

Belfield has had its ups and downs.  Remember, there was an Oil Boom in western North Dakota in the 1950s, the late 1970s, and most recently 2007 through 2014.  Sometimes local residents have had high incomes, but most of the time the local people did not have high incomes.

I had to go to Belfield recently and spend some time there.  I didn’t think about it much beforehand or driving there.  When I drove through downtown Belfield, the residential area, it was quaint and pleasant looking.  There is a very nice green belt beside a small river that runs through town.

When I had to start dealing with people, I was worried that they were going to be hostile towards me because I was not from there, and the people were rough looking.  Some of the local residents asked me where I was from.  I answered, “I lived in Florida until I was 30, then I lived in Arizona for five years, then Idaho for five years, then I came to North Dakota when the economy got bad.” Everybody of course asked me why I left Florida.  I told them what I always tell everybody, that Florida got too crowded.  Nobody would ever believe me that most of the towns in Florida when I grew up forty years ago, were exactly like Belfield is now, with maybe about a thousand people.

I was worried that these people in Belfield were going to pick a fight with me, because I was not from there, and the people were rough looking.  They did not pick a fight with me.  I had been observing that the people were not fancy, fashionable, or stylish in their appearance.  I began to realize that they did not care.  I think that they had all lived together for so long, known each other for so long, that they had no desire to try to impress each other, so they just went everywhere, as they were, whether they had been doing yard work, house work, car repair, farming, or truck driving.  Not only did they not care about impressing their neighbors, they didn’t care to impress anybody.

Because the local people had been asking me where I was from, and I had tried to explain it to them, I was realizing more and more that Belfield was like the small town I had grown up in forty years ago.  In that town, most of the people did not make a lot of money, everybody knew where everybody worked, so there was no use in anybody trying to pretend to be something they weren’t, so nobody did.  The result was, everybody was much calmer, and much more laid back.  The other thing was, everybody had to try to get along, because you were stuck together, so people just adapted a manner of civility, because you had to.

I remembered that one of the things I hated when I moved away from my small home town, and had to live in places like Tampa, was that everyone was trying to be somebody they weren’t, and everybody was trying to impress everybody else.  Yes, it was a “rat race”, everyone competing and trying to out-do everyone else, in a ridiculous way, spending more money than they earned, making themselves stressed and pressured needlessly, except because of their own vanity and desperation.