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My Thoughts On George Floyd, Police, Protests, And Autonomous Zones

For readers to have some frame of reference if they see this blog post a few years from now:

On Memorial Day Monday May 25, 2020, an employee of a Minneapolis grocery store telephoned 911 saying that a person who appeared to be either drunk or on drugs had used what appeared to be a counterfeit $20 bill.  When 44 year old White Police Officer Derek Chauvin arrived at the scene, several Police Officers were trying to get the handcuffed 46 year old Black suspect George Floyd into the Police car while he resisted saying that he was claustrophobic.  Police Officer Derek Chauvin restrained suspect George Floyd face down on the ground by placing his knee on his neck.  Due to a combination of the knee on his neck restricting his breathing and blood circulation, intoxicants, and heart problems, George Floyd died at the scene.

In the nights and days following George Floyd’s death, there were protests and riots which began in Minneapolis, but spread to many other cities in the U.S.  Four days later on Friday May 29, Police Officer Derek Chauvin was charged with third-degree murder and second-degree manslaughter.

On May 28 the Minneapolis Police Department’s 3rd Precinct was set on fire and destroyed by protesters.  Stores in Minneapolis such as Target and T.J. Maxx were looted and then set on fire.  “Officers continue to be hit with rocks and bottles thrown by people who are also breaking into buildings, looting and destroying property,” Police in neighboring St. Paul said on Twitter.

By May 30, twelve states had called up the National Guard to maintain order in cities.  It was reported that as of June 9th, “The Star Tribune estimated 570 businesses in the Minneapolis–St. Paul area had been vandalized or destroyed, including 67 destroyed by fire.”

At a June 7 rally, nine of the Minneapolis City Council’s thirteen members pledged to disband the city’s Police Department.  On June 8 protesters in Seattle, Washington took over a six city-block area claiming it to be an “Autonomous Zone” where Police are prohibited.

A few of my first thoughts about all of this should be obvious.  Police Officer Derek Chauvin had George Floyd pinned in a choke-hold for too long.  From the video recorded by witnesses at the scene, George Floyd was no longer struggling or resisting Police after being pinned for several minutes, he was having difficulty breathing, both bystanders and other Police Officers were advising Police Officer Derek Chauvin that he was excessively cutting off George Floyd’s breathing and circulation.

However, just because this White Police Officer used excessive force and caused the death of a Black suspect does not make it necessary or justify the looting and destruction of 600 businesses in Minneapolis, hundreds of other businesses in U.S. cities, and the assault of hundreds of Police Officers and civilians in other cities who had absolutely nothing to do with this.

There are two main reasons why the rioting, looting, destruction, fires, and assaults take place.  When a Black person is apparently wrongfully killed, the rioters want to cause so much property loss, damage, havoc, and chaos, that everyone is forced to see it, as many people as possible are affected, and there is a consensus that “We don’t want this to happen again.”, so let’s try to do something.

The second main reason for the rioting, looting, destruction, fires, and assaults it that the rioters are dissatisfied with their lives.  They are just acting out and misbehaving because they feel like they have nothing, no opportunity, no good employment, no money, no income, no good place to live, no automobile, and no way out.

But again, the Police, business owners, and citizens outside of Minneapolis did not have anything to do with the death of George Floyd, nor the fact that the rioters don’t have good jobs, good income, a nice place to live, a nice automobile, or opportunity.

My thoughts on the Police, one of my first thoughts is that Police Officers are just as tired of arresting Black people, as Black people are tired of being arrested.  Citizens and business owners in Black communities call the Police to request them to respond to assaults, shootings, robberies, burglaries, and drug dealing, and the Police have the expectation of getting shot, stabbed, hit, kicked, run over, resisted, verbally abused, and complained against when they respond to these calls.

If Black communities decide that they do not want Police in their communities anymore, do you know who will be the happiest of anyone?  Can you guess?  If the Police are banned from Black communities, do you think that the Firefighters, Paramedics, Hospitals, U.S. Post Office, FedEx, UPS, Telephone Company, Cable Television Company, Electric Company, Gas Company, and Water Department will operate in these communities?  Probably not if they believe that there is no Police response available in an emergency.

Altogether, the rioting, looting, fires, destruction of property, assaults on citizens, disbandment of Police, and “autonomous zones” will make the cities totally unlivable very quickly.  Many of the damaged or destroyed businesses will not re-open.  It will be more difficult to obtain goods, services, and employment.

The first people to leave the blighted city areas when the businesses leave, will be the people who have enough money to afford to leave.  What will remain is people with little or no money, in an area with more and more businesses shutting down, with less and less employment.

This has nothing to do with, and does not affect the people in North Dakota.  Until you realize that these masses of rioters, looters, dissatisfied people from the failed cities will be headed to live in the civilized towns of North Dakota, Montana, Wyoming, and Idaho with no intention of working, fitting in, or obeying laws.  You just watch the influx of out-of-state licensed beater cars full of ghetto people that will begin arriving soon.

The Drug Addict Girl That I Was Going To Have Sex With Is Doing Better Now

In July of 2019 I wrote two blog post articles titled, “Getting Ready To Have Sex With A Drug Addict Girl In Dickinson, North Dakota” and “The Sad And Tragic Story Of Who This Drug Addict Girl Is In Dickinson, North Dakota”.

In Dickinson, North Dakota the ratio of men to women is currently about 3:1.  During the oil boom from 2007-2014 this disparity was much greater.  Due to the shortage of women here in Dickinson, the few women who are here have tried to take advantage of this situation by being overweight, out of shape, sloppily dressed, unkempt, sloven, mean, and ugly.

Over these past seven years of living in Dickinson, this has revealed to me more about the true nature of women.  Women will try to get away with whatever they can.  Most women have no inner moral compass, natural ethics, or sense of right and wrong.  Women only act in accordance with what is allowed or permissible in their present environment.  If allowed and permitted to get up in the morning and not bathe, not brush their hair, wear the same cigarette-stench pajama pants, be fat, overweight, and ugly, women will do so.  I have seen this first-hand here in Dickinson.

I am not from Dickinson, I know what women are supposed to look like and act like, when there are rules of hygiene, etiquette, and western civilization in place, though these memories are becoming less and less real, and are beginning to seem more like an impossibility the longer I stay here.  In other places, women try to look and act their best in order to gain the attention, affection, and cooperation of men.

Here are a couple of photographs of a woman that I like from my Facebook “People You May Know”, who has some of the things that I want:

Normally I do not like women who have tattoos, but in this woman’s case her tattoos show that she is nuts, freaky, doesn’t care, doesn’t have or use good judgement, is uninhibited, and is available for sex, probably for a price, which is fine with me.

Facebook Friend with serpent tattoo3

Are there any women like this in Dickinson?  Well, yes, the Drug Addict Girl That I Was Getting Ready To Have Sex With, which I wrote about in July of 2019.  I was outside of my low-rent apartment building where I was living in downtown Dickinson when one of the young ladies from the Drug House down the street was walking by and she began talking to me.

At that time I had been talking to the women at the Drug House down the street in order to try to find out who it was who kept trying to steal things out of my vehicle at night.  This is why I began talking to the young woman who was walking by.  As she stood there, willing to talk to me, not trying to get away, I began to realize that she was attractive.

She had long blonde hair, almost a little towards red in color.  She was very thin and muscular, with no fat on her body at all.  Her neck, shoulders, arms, and legs, you could just admire their feminine form and shape, totally different from the fat flabby land-whales in Dickinson.  For the first time in a long time, I was very turned-on by a woman in Dickinson, because of the way that she looked, and her forthrightness.

I said to her that I liked her, and I thought that she was pretty, could I see her again?  She smiled, and she said yes.  I knew that her thinness was probably from drug use and failing to eat, not from eating healthy and exercising.  I liked the way that she looked and acted.  I had no interest in playing games, and she acted like she wasn’t afraid of anything.

After she walked away, I was expecting to see her in about an hour at my apartment.  I began trying to hide or lock up anything in my apartment that she might try to steal, like my car keys, check books, handguns, laptops, etc.  When it came to appear that she might not come back, I was just as happy with this outcome, as if she came back and we had sex.

In the following days, one of my neighbors told me that she twice came by looking for me, but I wasn’t home.  I looked her up on the internet, found out her real full name, and I also found out a second completely different full name that she had gone by prior to being married twice.

I was astonished at her background.  She had been very successful at one time, up until just a few years ago.  After she graduated from high school, she went to a state university and graduated with a degree in political science.  She worked in business management for a while, then she went back to college and she got a degree in business administration, where she met her second husband.

After she and her new husband graduated from business college, they moved to Dickinson in about 2012 due to the oil boom.  She started out as an assistant manager of a very large company in Dickinson, and within couple of years she became the manager of this large company.  She and her husband had a couple of children together, they had nice new vehicles, and a nice home.

I don’t know how it happened that she got involved in using methamphetamine and heroin.  The drugs and the drug lifestyle caused her to lose everything, her job, her husband, her children, her home, her automobile, her driver’s license, everything.

I saw on her Facebook account the people that she was friends with, romantically involved with, and the things that she was doing.  I believed that she would have ruined my life if I had become involved with her.  Her boyfriend had recently been arrested for felony theft, then he was arrested for felony drug dealing.  And, soon after her boyfriend’s arrests, she was arrested for possession of heroin, then burglary.

I was glad that she was probably going to prison, so that they could make her stop.  Stop with the drug use, the stealing, and hanging around with thieves, drug dealers, and drug addicts.

I didn’t see, hear, or read anything else about her for the next six to eight months.  A few days ago I saw her photograph appear in my Facebook “People You May Know”, but under a different name.

I looked at this Facebook account and it was her.  Her “friends” were asking, “Are you out now?”, to which she replied, yes.  She looked very healthy, happy, and recovered.  She listed where she is working.  She is starting her life over.  Good, I thought.

When I was reading the comments from her Facebook friends, this bothered me.  As an example, one of her “friends” was asking and suggesting that she come and live with her in Bismarck, they could have fun there, because where she was living was very tolerant.

I was angry that her “friends” were trying to pull her right back into what she had just gotten out of.  I looked her up on the North Dakota Court Repository, she is on supervised probation for two years.  The condition of both of her two separate court cases allowing her to not be in prison currently, is supervised probation for two years, And “…commit no crimes…”, meaning if she is caught doing anything illegal it violates her probation and puts her in prison.

I think that she is strong-willed enough and determined enough to not start using drugs again, but not if she remains friends with and keeps in contact with the same people who got her on drugs in the first place.  It seems like 20% of the people in Dickinson live and seek to live a criminal, drug-addict lifestyle.  I don’t know how she is ever going to escape these people in Dickinson who keep trying to bring her back down.

I Couldn’t Believe That Sarah Trustem Wasn’t Re-elected, But Then I Learned Why

I couldn’t believe that Sarah Trustem was not re-elected as a Dickinson City Commissioner on June 9, 2020.  Sarah was probably the most well-liked City Commissioner, even more so than the Mayor Scott Decker.  I didn’t even think that she needed to campaign, everyone liked her.

The reasons why Sarah Trustem was seemingly universally liked are as follows:  She was even-tempered, mild-mannered, friendly, pleasant, approachable, willing to talk to anyone and answer their questions, moderate, didn’t hold grudges, good intentioned, knowledgeable, well-informed, and she did not appear to have any ulterior motives.

Sarah seemed to have a calming effect on the City Commission.  She was a voice of reason, and I think that she influenced the Mayor and the other City Commissioners to not go off-track or in the wrong direction, kind of like a border collie.

When I first read about Sarah Trustem a couple of years ago, I was suspicious of her for several reasons.  She was the Director of the Dickinson Chamber of Commerce, and that group of people are some of the biggest deceivers in Dickinson, they will constantly talk Dickinson up no matter what is happening, and not tell the truth.

Another reason why I didn’t trust Sarah Trustem was because she graduated from the University of Mary in Bismarck, and you can’t trust Catholics.  The third reason why I didn’t trust Sarah Trustem was because she had been a bartender at Maverick’s Saloon in Dickinson.

Looking back on this, Sarah didn’t have a lot of money, going to the University of Mary, working as a bartender, accepting a job as the Director of the Dickinson Chamber of Commerce, she did what she had to do in order to support herself and her daughter.  In spite of all the evil that Sarah was surrounded by, she didn’t turn out evil herself, she was able to put all of this behind her, and become an ethical person.

The final turn away and departure from evil was when Sarah resigned as Director of the Dickinson Chamber of Commerce and accepted a job as some kind of community liaison for the Dickinson Public Schools.  From that point on, Sarah seemed to make decisions based on doing the right thing, being moral, fair, and ethical.

However, doing the right thing, being moral, fair, and ethical was not what the puppet masters in Dickinson wanted from the City Commissioners.  Sarah Trustem had to go.  The fix was in.

Who is Suzi Sobolik?  You mean Suzi “Steffes” Sobolik?  I am fifty years old, I have lived in seven states, and I have never seen in any election, not even for governor of a state, the amount of people clamoring to make an “endorsement”, like they did for Suzi Sobolik.  In half of these endorsements, I have never seen people in these types of positions make such an endorsement, I thought that some of these types of positions were restricted from making political endorsements.

I looked at Suzi Sobolik’s Facebook campaign page, and here is a sampling of her endorsements:

  • John Suzukida, Co-Lead Board Director Steffes Company
  • Rhonda Dukhart, former City Commissioner
  • Guy Moos, Baker Boy President
  • Shirley Dukart, former City Commissioner
  • Zach Keller, Chamber of Commerce Board of Directors
  • Jen Grosz, Owner and VP Ebeltoft Sickler Law Firm
  • Steve Glasser, President Trinity Catholic Schools
  • Michelle Orton, Dickinson Public School Board member
  • Dennis Johnson, former Mayor of Dickinson
  • DeAn Scheeler, Director of Mission Advancement at Trinity Catholic Schools

Like I just said, I thought that some of these people in the positions that they are in, they are prohibited from making political endorsements for a number of different reasons, such as incorrectly appearing to be speaking on behalf of their organization, or appearing to have a political bias or favoritism in an organization or agency that is supposed to be or legally required to be politically neutral.

In the endorsements for Suzi Sobolik, there are three common themes that either the endorser brings up themselves, or sets it up so that Suzi can respond in line with these three themes:  Suzi and her family have been here longer;  Suzi and her family have more money; therefore with more money, more invested here, more experience with money, Suzi is better for business and prosperity.

Here are some of the common code words and phrases, which mean that Suzi Sobolik and her family have been in Dickinson longer:

  • “I have known her and her family for many years.”
  • “I’ve known Suzi for decades and I’m thoroughly impressed with how well she has evolved into a wonderful community leader.”
  • “Her ties in the Dickinson community run deep, and she is heavily invested in improving the future of all.”
  • “I have known Suzi both personally and professionally for over 8 years. In that time, I have witnessed her dedication to her family, to her profession, and to the city of Dickinson.”
  • “I have known Suzi since grade school…”
  • Suzi’s response to an endorsement, “What an honor, a man who helped shape me as my teacher and coach is endorsing me for City Commission!”

Here are some of the common code words and phrases, which mean that Suzi Sobolik and her family have more money, are more experienced with money, are more invested in Dickinson, and will be better for business and prosperity:

  • “I’ve had the pleasure of working with Suzi Sobolik in her role as Steffes Company’s Owner Representative…”
  • “Suzi has strong leadership skills and understands the critical difference between management and governance.  Suzi possesses extensive business knowledge…”
  • “Suzi’s experience and wealth of knowledge in the business sector…”
  • “Suzi has dedicated herself to many projects/causes with the sole purpose of being an agent for prosperity and growth in the community.”
  • “Her understanding of business and …..will make Suzi an ideal addition to our City Commission.”
  • “Her ties in the Dickinson community run deep, and she is heavily invested in improving the future for all.”
  • The Dickinson Press headline, “Business leader Suzi Sobolik runs for Dickinson City Commission”

When I go to the website LinkedIn, where people post their own resume and experience, Suzi Sobolik’s resume says:  “Physical Therapist/Rehab Director at RehabVisions”  2005-present.  How does this make Suzi Sobolik a “Business Leader”, and Sarah Trustem is just nothing?  Is Suzi Sobolik a “Business Leader” because her family has more money?

Sarah Trustem has a Bachelors in Political Science, a Masters in Public Administration, was the director of the Dickinson Chamber of Commerce for four years, was a City Commissioner, was on the Stark County Planning and Zoning Board, as well as the Stark County Development Corporation Board, so how is it that Sarah is so naive about business in comparison to Suzi Sobolik who was a physical therapist for the past fifteen years?

I am fearful that there was this extreme coordinated effort by certain business people in Dickinson to get Sarah Trustem replaced by Suzi Sobolik because there is some agenda that they want achieved that they could not accomplish with Sarah in the way trying to do the right things in a moral, fair, and ethical way.  What is it that they want, that a normal, moral, fair, and ethical City Commissioner would not support?  This should scare most people in Dickinson.

When is the Dickinson mayoral election?

My Family’s Thoughts On Life, Death, And Dying

In my two previous blog post articles there is more complete background information on why I am writing about my family’s thoughts on life, death, and dying.

Several months ago I became aware that I was probably not going to live much longer.  I discussed this with my father and a couple of my friends, who each urged me to seek medical treatment and surgery.  I told them that I had already made up my mind that I would rather just go ahead and die, than seek medical care in North Dakota, which would be worse than dying.

The only reason why I told my father and a couple of my friends in North Dakota that I was dying, was so that I could go over with each of them that I was bequeathing my vehicles, trailers, motorcycles, equipment, firearms, and computers to my friends here in North Dakota so that neither my father, my sister, nor anyone else would have to travel to North Dakota to handle any of this.  I wrote this out as an addendum to my Last Will and I gave it to each of my friends here in North Dakota so that they would each know what to take and have this in writing when I died.  (I was trying to make this as easy as possible for everyone.)

In April, two months ago, my father died.  When my older sister called me to tell me that my father had just died, my sister told me that she had stage four cancer and her doctors had told her that she was going to live for only a few more months.   I told my sister that I was expecting to die pretty soon also.

In the following days and weeks, on some days my sister and I talked on the phone a couple of times per day regarding the settling of the estate of my father.  My father who had been an attorney for more than forty years, very experienced in estate planning, had made an effort for my sister and I to be able to receive his property as soon as possible.  But still, there were problems, mistakes, and hold-ups that my father had not been able to anticipate.

My sister was in a greater hurry to receive her half of my father’s investments and savings than I was, because she was planning on leaving the U.S. in order to receive cancer medications and treatments that were not yet available here in the U.S., she had been told by her doctors that she only had a few more months to live.

Me, I wanted to immediately get out of the low-rent, downtown apartment building in Dickinson where I had been living for the past three years.  When I received a check in the mail about a month after my father died, within a few days I was moving into the house which I bought with this money.

My sister and I had been so stressed and anxious about the handling of the estate of my father, that this is what was in the forefront of our minds for several weeks, everything else seemed secondary and inconsequential.  The daily fuck-ups were torture for me, such as the financial advisor of my father having the mailing address for me to receive my check as “Dickinson, North Carolina”, because someone is a stupid cunt!

Sorry you can’t move out of the ghetto apartment building where you’re living, we sent the check to Dickinson, North Carolina per your instructions.  Sorry, there is nothing we can do about it.  Looks like that check has been cashed, oh well, not our problem.  This stresses me out still, that’s one way to lose your inheritance.

As for my sister, who was in a greater hurry to receive her inheritance so that she could get cancer treatment that might save her life, the financial advisor of my father at one point early on was telling us, “Your father had invested in Collateralized Mortgage Obligation bonds.  We have to put these out for bid, now is not a good time to sell these. At this time we expect to only be able to get 70% of their market value.  These will be difficult to sell, this could take some time.  We have to sell everything before we can issue you a check.”

My sister had worked as a legal secretary for my father for a couple of years.  My sister and I had seen and experienced the handling of a deceased person’s estate before.  My sister pointed out to me that the problems we experienced were mild in comparison to what sometimes happens.

Immediately after my father’s death, it seemed like there were only a few other things that my sister and I talked about besides the daily revelations from my father’s financial advisor, such as some CMO bonds now being in default, and “We don’t want to keep your account with us.  We only advise high net-worth clients.”  My father had been told, expected, and intended that his financial advisor would act on behalf of my sister and I, just as it had for him, but this was far from true.  ( My father believed that he had set everything up for this to be as easy as possible for my sister and I, but he hadn’t known how this financial advisor would act toward us after his death.)

A few of the things that I said to my sister immediately following my father’s death, was that I didn’t know why my father had moved into an Assisted Living Facility, this hadn’t been good for him.  A year ago my father had begun telling me that neither he nor his girlfriend “Bobbi” had any desire to go down to the Assisted Living Facility dining hall because they didn’t want to meet anyone or talk to anyone.

I said to my sister that I thought that my father had become depressed from listening to the other residents talk about their health problems or witnessing their health failing.  My sister told me that it was the other way around, that most of the residents in the Assisted Living Facility were in much better health and were more active than my father.

I said a few things about my father’s friends, and I asked my sister a few questions about my father’s friends.  My sister had some of the same feelings and thoughts about my father’s friends and acquaintances.  This brought up some discussion about my mother and father’s relationship.  In general, my sister and I couldn’t believe how my mother, father, and their friends had behaved in comparison to how people live and act now days.

My sister asked me how I was doing, and what I was doing.  Once she heard me tell what it was like living in Dickinson, North Dakota, she asked me why do I continue to live here.  I explained to my sister that because there is nowhere to go and nothing to do in North Dakota, and no women, that I had been forced to think and examine everything in life for hours each day, for days, weeks, and months for the past seven years.  I said to my sister that I couldn’t think of anywhere else that I could have been, that would have allowed or caused me to do this.

My sister seemed to appreciate that I personally felt that it was very worthwhile for me to have had this chance to thoroughly examine and contemplate my life, but she couldn’t understand why I remained here in Dickinson with the kind of people that I described.

My sister told me that I seemed to have a lot of hate and anger, and why did I want to fight with these people here, what is the point, what do I expect to accomplish?  I explained what I hoped to accomplish.  My sister said so you think that this is your purpose?  Yes.

My sister explained to me that since first being diagnosed with breast cancer five years ago, that she has tried to not have negative energy and negative thoughts, but instead to have positive energy and positive thoughts.  Now that her cancer has returned and spread, as part of her holistic/alternative healing strategy, she is trying to think only positive thoughts, have positive energy, attend prayer healing meetings, and spend time in prayer to God and Jesus.

This wasn’t a shock to hear my sisters say this, but it was surprising.  I never knew my sister to have an interest in God and Jesus, when did this happen?  I thought that my sister just went ahead and did whatever she wanted to do in the past.

After my sister and I received our inheritance checks, we went ahead and did whatever it was that each of us had planned to do.  We didn’t talk to each other for about a week.  It was at about the end of this week, that I thought that I would try to tell or explain some things to my sister.

I explained to my sister that up until I was about 48 years old, I had had a belief and faith in the God that was described in the Bible.  But in the past three years I had come to the conclusion that Christianity, the Judeo-Christian monotheistic religions, did not adequately explain what is actually occurring in life.  The Judeo-Christian religions may give many people hope, a sense of security, peace, and order to their lives, but I don’t think that this is really what is going on at all.

I said to my sister, and I asked my sister, hasn’t it occurred to you that Reincarnation is a more likely explanation to why we are here, what we are supposed to be doing, and what is going to happen to us?  My sister said yes.

Some of the things that I said to my sister, were things like:  “Some people are born with everything going against them, they are born into poverty, with one or no parents, bad health, with deformity, no talent, low intelligence, and they live a life of pain, suffering, and misery.  Whereas other people are born into a life of privilege, with a loving family, good health, talent, physical beauty, intelligence, wealth, abundance, and they experience nothing but good things in life.  If we each only get one life, how could this ever be fair, just, right, or equitable?  How could a God preside over this and cause this to happen?”

In order to try to get through to my sister the quickest and best way, I asked my sister if she had ever seen, heard of, or watched Dolores Cannon videos.  My sister said that she had not.  I described to my sister that Dolores Cannon had left school when she was about sixteen years old, she married when she was about twenty, and she became a busy mother and wife to an enlisted career military man.

When Dolores Cannon and her husband were in their late thirties or early forties back in the 1960s and living on a military base, she and her husband had began practicing hypnosis in order to quit smoking and lose weight.  A military base medical doctor asked Dolores and her husband if they would please try to help one of the base wives who was struggling with depression, anxiety, being overweight, and other problems.

When Dolores and her husband hypnotized this woman, they were not sure what was happening, but they audio recorded what was happening and they took notes.  They began to realize that this woman was talking about Past Lives.  This woman had had very little education, she was plain, ordinary, untraveled, but she began to talk about and explain extraordinary things and experiences.

This happened to Dolores Cannon and her husband before anyone knew about “Past Life Regression”.  Over the next forty years, Dolores continued to work with hypnosis, she hypnotized thousands of people, recorded these hypnosis sessions, made detailed notes, studied, researched, and then wrote maybe a dozen books and lectured for fifteen years or more on this subject.

I thought that Dolores Cannon would appeal to my sister, because Dolores was a plump, plain, ordinary looking older woman, who wore polyester suits, and was very uninterested in fame, wealth, attention, or being a celebrity.  She had no interest or motive in making all of this up.

The main things that I wanted to tell my sister that Dolores Cannon learned were:  Before we are born, we exist as a soul, with a more complete knowledge, understanding, and awareness.  We have lived many lives before.  In this soul realm or dimension, we meet with our spirit guides and elders, and together we decide and agree on what we need to experience and learn.

We agree to be incarnated on this Earth at a particular time, place, and circumstances, in order for us to have the opportunity to learn certain things and experience certain things.  But remember, as a soul with more complete knowledge, understanding, and awareness, we planned and agreed to go through this particular physical experience on Earth.

An important thing to remember or understand, is that once we get here on Earth, we are free to do whatever it is that we want to do, there are no restrictions or prohibitions.  “Life is our own play.  We write the script and the plot.  We are the main character in our own play.  Other people are just characters in our play.”

I wanted to make my sister understand that we can do absolutely whatever it is that we want to do or decide to do, there is no restriction.  My sister tried to argue with me that we are limited by our circumstances of course, but I tried to explain to my sister, no, absolutely not, you are free to write the script and the plot of your play however you want.

I tried to explain this to my sister another way, there was a Native American medicine man/shaman named Red Elk who also explained, “Life is like a play that is your own play.  You can write the script and plot however you choose.  Other people are just characters in your play.  In traditional Native American belief, your dream life is what is real, and your waking life is make-believe.”

What Red Elk was trying to explain, is that when you dream, you are unbound by time, space, likelihood, or probability, you often find yourself floating or flying, or doing things that you can’t do.  Believe it or not, this dream world is real, we are actually not bound by time and space, any physical restrictions, laws, or propriety, we are actually souls that have existed for a long time.  Here in this “real world” this is just a short, make-believe play, that we made up for ourselves, this is far from real or permanent.

I explained this to my sister so that she would know that physical death is just the end to this short, temporary play that we are in.  After death, as a soul in the spirit realm or dimension, where we have more complete knowledge, awareness, and understanding, we go through a very thorough life review with our spirit guides and elders to look at everything that we did in this life, what were the consequences, how did we make other people feel.

I explained to my sister that as a soul we have the opportunity to choose to go back to any time in the past, or any time in the future, in reality or actuality, everything is happening Now, there is not really time as we know it here on Earth.

When we go back to a particular time in history to be incarnated, in that life we could affect enough events at that time through our actions that we change things, significantly.  We create a whole new timeline.  If, the seven or eight billion people living on Earth currently have souls, when these seven or eight billion people die, have their own life review, and choose to be reincarnated at some particular time in history, are they going to affect that timeline enough to create a whole new timeline?  Yes.

This is why you have to understand that your life, is your own play, where you can choose to do anything that you want to do.  You are probably going to create a whole new timeline by your actions.  This timeline that you create is going to be one among more than trillions of timelines.  So, is this life real, or is it just a play that you create?

After thinking about what I said for maybe a few hours or a day, my sister looked up Dolores Cannon, read about her, what she taught, and she began watching her lectures.  My sister believed that what Dolores Cannon said was probably true.

My sister searched for one of Dolores Cannon’s students, and arranged to meet her for a hypnosis session because one of the things that Dolores Cannon taught was that you can connect with your soul in this lifetime, and reach an agreement or understanding with your soul that under some conditions you can be healed and not die yet.

In a future blog post article I will tell how my sister’s hypnosis session went where her soul said that she will be sick for another six months, then she will be O.K., and not die yet.

My Sister May Die Soon And What This Means

Two months ago, the second week of April, my older sister telephoned me to tell me that my father had just died.  If you go back and read the blog post article that I wrote about this, I said that I hadn’t seen or spoken to my sister since 2001.  That’s not completely true, I may have spoken to her less than half a dozen times in the past nineteen years.

I tried to stay away from my father and his girlfriend for the past twenty years after my mother died, because my father’s life changed completely, he started a whole new life.  One of the most upsetting things to me about my father starting a whole new life, is that he soon moved out of what had been our family home.  And then he moved to an entirely different state in order to be closer to his girlfriend’s family.

My mother was gone, my family home was gone, my father started a new life, and it was almost as if my life didn’t happen.  I remember vividly the several boxes of hundreds of family photographs that we had, me and my sister when we were little, me and my sister with our various family pets, family vacation photos, elementary school photos, photos of my parents when they were young, these are all gone.

At this time, I am not going to make any direct accusations, but getting rid of all of our hundreds of family photos, was one of the worst and most heartless things that anyone has ever done to me.  Now that I am fifty years old, and both of my parents are gone, I would like to see these family photos from fifty years ago, forty-five years ago, forty years ago, when my family was young.

There are three things going on as far as all the photographs being gone.  First, it was desirable for someone to wipe out the record of my father’s more than forty year relationship with my mother, their life together, everything that they did together, and their children.  Two, it made someone uncomfortable having this reminder/documentation around.  Three, it was cruel and diminishing to discard the records and memories of other peoples’ lives, though the act itself was quick, easy, and convenient.  It’s time to get rid of all this old garbage that’s taking up space, no one wants, and no one cares about.   Wait!!!

I have written before, that I don’t feel like I am fifty years old, I feel like I am about eight years old, and that my life has just begun.  Everything just happened a minute ago.  My memories from walking around as a three year old, being in elementary school, being in high school, being in college, it’s like all these things happened just the other day.

I am explaining this because yes, I would like to have many of these old photographs to look at, to realize and marvel at how much time has passed, but then again, I feel like everything just happened a minute ago, or just the other day.

This is also why I didn’t feel so bad about staying away from my father for the past twenty years, I remember everything that happened in our life like it was just the other day.  Going to visit my father and his girlfriend in their subsequent homes would have been like going to visit strangers, only much, much worse.  I will explain the difficulty like this, I have these memories about my life like everything happened just the other day, and now here are these two old people who don’t know anything about it.

Similarly, one of the reasons why I didn’t talk to my older sister very much over the past twenty years, is that she remembers many things about our life completely differently than I remember.  I didn’t want the pain or irritation of having to argue with my sister about what really happened, and explain to her emphatically all the reasons why things happened the way I remember.

Since my sister was in her mid to late twenties, she has been going to therapists.  In talking to my sister when she was in her thirties, I began to hear from her that she was struggling with guilt, anxiety, and apprehension about things in the present and events in the past.  It was very apparent to me, that my sister was dwelling on events and situations that were not very significant, and completely absolutely ignoring and failing to remember events that were very awful.

I didn’t know if my sister’s therapists were listening to her describe memories and events freely, then asking her to stop and repeat what she just said, focus on what she just described, and telling her that that is where her problems were stemming from, when in fact this was actually a minor insignificant event.  Was this why my sister was misremembering our life, because she was being redirected by therapists, or was my sister just practicing her own selective memory and shielding herself?

So in April my sister called me to tell me that my father had just died, and in the course of our conversation to understand what had happened, my sister told me that she has stage four cancer and was told by her doctor that she will only live for a few more months.

My sister explained to me that five years ago she had been diagnosed with breast cancer.  She had chemotherapy and treatment back then and the cancer appeared to have gone away.  But now the cancer is back, it has spread to other organs, they did not catch it in time, and the doctors believe that this will be fatal within a few months.

My sister is fifty-five years old today.  My mother died of cancer which she did not tell anyone she had, when she was sixty-four years old.  My mother’s best friend Gloria, who was my sister’s mother-in-law, she died of cancer when she was about sixty-four years old.  My mother’s other two best friends, Jean and Martha-Anne, which my sister knew very well, they both died of cancer.

So how did I respond to my sister?  I told her that I was about to die also.  I explained to my sister that a couple of months before my father died, I went over with him that I had made an addendum to my Last Will where I bequeathed my vehicles, trailers, equipment, firearms, and personal belongings that were located here in Dickinson, to several people in Dickinson in order to spare my family members from having to deal with these things here.

My father tried to urge me to go get medical care and surgery, and I explained to him for about the sixth time, that in other states that might be possible, but in North Dakota there is no competent medical care, only hideous, nasty, mean, battle-axe women medical staff, and know-nothing doctors, and that I would rather just go ahead and die than have a torturous death at their hands.

At the time, I didn’t know that my father and sister were just as close or closer to death than me.  Apparently my father and I had each accepted that we were probably going to die soon, whereas my sister doesn’t want to die yet.  I had asked my father a couple of years ago, and a year ago if he wasn’t having some very bad health problems, because he seemed like he was.  My father denied to me that he was having severe health problems, probably to not cause me to worry, and it was just easier for him to proceed that way.

This blog post article is kind of meant to be preliminary background information before I write about my, my sister’s, and my father’s concluding thoughts about life, death, and dying.

I Think That Emily Zastoupil Might Be My Mother

When I was in elementary school, there was a large bookshelf at the end of the hallway in the house where I lived.  Before there was internet or cable television, people used to look for and purchase books that were interesting, so that they would have something to read.

On my father’s side of this bookshelf were books about rough weather sailing, navigation, rope & nautical knots, pirates, and books by Herman Melville who wrote about sailing in the South Pacific and Polynesian women.

On my mother’s side of this bookshelf were books about art, particular artists, dance schools around the world, particular choreographers, and I forget what else.  There was one book that I took down and read titled “Yoga, Youth, and Reincarnation”.  This book was written by author Jess Stearn in 1965 and was about his own personal experiences.

I read this book “Yoga, Youth, and Reincarnation” when I was about twelve years old.  It was not at all stunning or mind-blowing to me at that time, neither the way that the author revealed his experiences, nor the subject matter that he discussed.  It was all very calm and matter-of-fact, everything that he described.

My parents and grandparents were Methodists.  My sister and I had been enrolled in and had attended Sacred Heart Catholic School which was adjacent to the convent and Catholic Church.  Not a school day went by without instruction in Catholicism or a trip to morning Mass.  Most of us children did not embrace any of this, we acted out in protest like convicts or prisoners of war, and we were beat by the Nuns for it.

At about the time that I was reading this book about reincarnation, I had asked my mother, and been told by her that she was an atheist.  I was kind of disappointed in her for this, why couldn’t she understand and get with the program?  See, I knew there was something wrong with my mother.

In my teenage years, I began trying to read the King James version of the Bible from cover to cover on my own.  The Bible was a big disappointment and let down for me, as it was difficult to understand, confusing, contradictory, easy to misinterpret, and too long for not getting to the point.

Even as a teenager, I felt that it was wrong and a tragedy that the instruction book that we had been given on who we were, what we were supposed to do, and what was going to happen to us, was so confusingly written as to not be very much help.  Even then, I could see that it looked like some of its content was a mere fabrication by men.  Because it went way overboard in using symbolism and metaphor, in many instances who knows what it meant or was talking about.

From when I was about 4 years old to when I was about 48 years old, I had a very strong faith in God the creator, without having to question this belief very often.  For me, I didn’t have to pick the God of the Jews, the God of the Christians, the God of the Muslims, or the God of the Mormons, there was just a God.

Because there is hardly anything at all to do in North Dakota where I have been living for the past seven years, just bleak, barren, desolation with no women, I have been left alone with my own thoughts and had no other choice but to contemplate absolutely everything there is.

Some people have traveled to the mountains of Peru or Nepal to live in isolation for years to allow them to contemplate and meditate all day without any distraction, whereas you are forced to do this in North Dakota, either that or drink or become a methamphetamine addict, because there is nothing else to do.

The other thing about living in North Dakota, is that it caused me to think about how I ended up here, what had I done wrong, where did my life go so wrong?  No matter how many times that I thought about it, I had to admit that it was all of my own decisions and life circumstances that caused me to be here, it wasn’t any one foolish idiotic blunder on my part that I had to take the blame for.

Once I began to retrace all of my steps, actions, and decisions in life, I realized that I had made all of these choices and decisions myself, acting on what I thought and believed at the time, dealing with my circumstances at the time, so my current situation is what I caused it to be.

Not only did I take each turn of the path that caused me to be here, maybe I am supposed to be here.  I do not think that there is any other place in the World that could have forced me to stop and think for so many hours each day, every day, for years and years, because of the absence of anything else to do.

Exactly four years ago to the day, back in 2016, I wrote three blog post articles titled “Bohemians, Romanians, Gypsies, And Reincarnation In Dickinson, North Dakota”.  Back then I began to reach the conclusion that maybe I was supposed to be in Dickinson, North Dakota, for some purpose.

I began to realize, sense, and feel that I had met and lived with some of these people before, though I had never been to North Dakota before, not in this lifetime.

All of the thinking and life contemplation that I had done in North Dakota, an examination of my life and what was happening in the World, it became more certain to me that a person’s existence wouldn’t make any sense if it just consisted of a birth, short life on Earth, and then death.

In this particular blog post right now, I will not get into each and every interaction with people in Dickinson that caused me to feel that I had met them before, but to give you an idea that this has been going on for at least four years, you might want to read these three blog post articles of mine:

I could have written this four years ago, but I did not want to do so at that time, I did mention the Zastoupil women in the three blog post articles listed above, I was referring to them in a few instances, but I did not come out and say then that I think that Emily Zastoupil might be my mother.

When I first came to work in Dickinson, North Dakota back in 2011, I was 41 years old.  Working at the Paragon Bowling Alley diner was Emily Zastoupil who was about 19 years old at the time.  Emily was kind of goofy and silly acting, absent minded.  She was friendly and talked to everyone without any discrimination at all.

Emily was nice and friendly to me, which was unusual for people in Dickinson to act this way towards people who were not from Dickinson.  Emily did not seem to have any inclination to start out being hateful to other people.   When I talked to Emily, heard what she was talking about, saw what she did, or learned what she did, she did not seem to be greedy, malicious, ambitious, scheming, plotting, or concerned about anything, which is out of the ordinary for women.

When I returned to Dickinson in 2013, for the next couple of years I saw Emily Zastoupil from time to time under different circumstances and occasions.  I saw her and spoke to her at social gatherings, in downtown Dickinson or Patterson Lake when she was walking her dog, and near her apartment building where she lived downtown.

If I didn’t hear it from her when I talked to Emily, I heard from other people or saw on Facebook the things that had happened to Emily and what she was doing.  I have never, ever met a person who acted more like my mother than Emily Zastoupil.  Every time that I met or saw Emily, she acted just like my mother without fail.  Everything that happened to Emily and everything that she did was just like my mother.

Emily looks and acts like my mother.  It is more than just a similarity, or a whimsical comparison, I actually believe that Emily might be my mother, which is why I am finally writing about it.

How reincarnation works, supposedly, is that individuals are usually reborn into the same soul groups and family groups.  Again and again and again, souls are reborn and have to live and work things out each lifetime with the same souls from previous lifetimes.

Emily may or may not be shocked to learn that she might be my mother.  Rather than mess things up for her, it would probably serve to make her more aware of her self, her life, her purpose, and her previous lives.

If anyone thinks that I am making this up, and you know Emily Zastoupil, would you pick Emily Zastoupil to be your mother?

I might as well come out and tell it now, I think that Kira Zastoupil might have been my wife in a previous lifetime.  I am not going to explain this now, though I don’t think that she has agreed to be my wife very often.

It would not surprise me if neither Emily or Kira will admit publicly to ever having been my mother or my wife, I never said that either of them were reliable.

Women And The Meth Life In Dickinson, North Dakota

In the beginning of May I bought a house in the Dickinson area.  For those of you who don’t know, Dickinson went through an oil boom from 2007 through 2015 where the housing prices quadrupled.  Though the oil boom has been over for five years, the real estate prices remain artificially and ridiculously high, way out of proportion to what the local economy is now and will be for the foreseeable future.

I recommend not buying a house in Dickinson at this time, because the real estate prices are too high and they are headed for a long downfall.  But, I bought a “For Sale By Owner” house that was not advertised, appraised, or handled by a realtor so I got it for about 30% of what houses here are being advertised.

I am kind of numb from everything that has been happening in my life recently, good and bad, ups and downs.  I can hardly believe that I have enough property now to park my vehicles and trailers without anyone bitching at me, wanting to charge me money, the Police wanting to Red Tag it for being parked on the street, or the Meth addict thieves trying to steal things every night.

The apartment building where I had lived in downtown Dickinson for the past three years, I can’t believe that I lived like that.  I try to make sense of it, 75% of the people who live in this building are just trying to live a normal, peaceful, stable, productive life, but there has always been this constant turnover of white-trash drug-addict short-term renters that have made this apartment building a ghetto flop-house.

Now that I think about it, moving out of this downtown apartment building is kind of like getting out of prison for me.   I’m not really sure if I’m free or not, and I’m not really sure if I can let my guard down from getting robbed, stabbed, stolen from, or conned by the low-life drug-addict thieves in downtown Dickinson.

During this past week, I have had to do a lot of shopping for my new home.  In one of the stores that I have been going to, I met who I thought was a nice, intelligent, friendly young lady.  No, I want to make it very clear, this was not some woman working at a convenience store, gas station, liquor store, restaurant, or bar.  She was more like a salesperson or manager at a furniture store, flooring store, or building supply store.

Because this woman was acting so friendly, which is not normal for Dickinson, I asked her where she was from.  She is from Montana.  The second day that I saw her and talked to her, she told me a little about what she had done in Montana, when she came to Dickinson back in 2009, and what she had done in Dickinson.   She came to Dickinson with her boyfriend that she had been living with, they got married, and now she is divorced.

The first time that I saw this woman, I got the impression that she was in her mid to late twenties.  I thought that she was plain looking, and I didn’t have any interest in her.  But, since she was friendly, which is so unusual in Dickinson, and I was able to talk to her, she seemed like she was a decent person and that she was wanting to make friends.

This woman seemed to be fairly intelligent, responsible, even-tempered, reasonable, and easy to get along with.  One of the reasons why I thought this about her, was because she was the manager of the business where she worked, and she said that she had paid off her own home.   She was in her early thirties, not her mid twenties like I had thought.

The third time that I went back to this store, I asked this woman if she would like to go with me to the Mexican restaurant tonight or tomorrow night.  She said that she couldn’t, that she had to work.  I thought that this was a stupid answer, because her store closes at 6:00 p.m.  I thought that she just didn’t want to go with me.

Out of politeness or guilt, she began explaining to me that her business was short-staffed, and that she had to work every day.  Then, she began explaining that she had sole custody of her eight year old daughter.  Then, that her ex-husband was a Meth addict who had destroyed all of the walls and windows in her home, that he had been No-Trespassed from her home, and that she had had to go stay at the women’s shelter for two weeks.  And, that her ex-husband lives a couple of blocks away from her.

Prior to asking this woman if she wanted to go out to dinner with me, I had thought that she liked me.  She seemed that she liked me.  Did she like me because she was lonely, bored, alone, wanted company, thought that I was different, thought that I had money,….. I don’t know.

Me, I thought that she would be or could be good company because she was friendly, intelligent, reasonable, responsible, and decent acting.

When she did not want to go out to dinner with me, I was surprised, and I wondered what had caused her to change her mind about acting friendly toward me.  It didn’t really matter at this point, because her mind appeared to be made up.  At first her explanation just seemed like a stupid excuse.  As she elaborated on her situation, I thought that she was just trying to make me lose interest in her and give up on ever asking her out again.

But, if I would have just stopped and listened to what she was telling me, that her ex-husband was a Meth addict who had destroyed all the walls and windows in her house, was No-Trespassed by the Police, that she had had to go stay in the women’s shelter, that her ex-husband lived a couple of blocks away from her and that they had an eight year old daughter together, why the fuck would I want to get involved in that situation?  I just got out of a Meth-addict hell-hole living in downtown Dickinson.

Something else that I thought about, what does this say about this woman’s character and judgment, that she dated, married, and had a child with a Meth-addict, white-trash hoodlum?

When I described meeting this woman, I said that she did not work at a convenience store, gas station, liquor store, bar, or restaurant, which is where you will usually find the Meth-addict women in Dickinson.  But I guess it doesn’t matter, the people in Dickinson aren’t even at the blue-collar level or low-class level of people, they are at the Meth-addict level.  See, I didn’t get out of prison after all, I’m still here in Dickinson with the Meth addicts.

Golds Gym And 24 Hour Fitness Filing For Bankruptcy

In the past several days I have read news articles saying that the Golds Gym franchise has filed for bankruptcy and that the franchise 24 Hour Fitness is considering doing the same.  A smaller gym franchise, Crunch Fitness with 22 gyms and 73,000 gym members has also filed for bankruptcy.

Each of these gyms have reported that their financial crisis was the result of the coronavirus which caused them to temporarily close just like restaurants, movie theaters, and beauty salons.  My opinion is that if a business was doing well financially, with a high demand for its product or services, it should have been able to withstand a four to six week closure.

When reading some of these articles, I saw that one commentor left the remark, “Yeah, gyms are kind of on the way out anyway.  Many people prefer to work out at home now.”  I could not agree more, however it used to be the other way around.

I am almost 51 years old now, and most males my age who grew up in the 1970s remember having plastic-case, concrete-filled weights from Sears or Kmart, or rusty bars and weights from the 1950s that had been used for twenty years.  In junior high and high school, these home weight sets limited us to bicep curls, triceps curls, bench press, overhead press, and dead lifts.

Once we got older and later had access to college weight rooms or commercial gyms, it opened up the opportunity to safely and easily begin using much heavier weight, try new lifts, and begin a much more elaborate weight lifting routine.  Not only was it greatly appreciated to be able to do so much more, but the strength gains progressed much more quickly than when using a limited home gym.

Most of the people that I knew in junior high and high school, the amount of weight that they lifted or believed that they were capable of lifting was determined by the total number of the plastic-case concrete-filled weight plates that they had.

I wrote about this before a couple of years ago, when I was in my early twenties in the 1990s, there was a good competitiveness and cooperation in each of the gyms that I went to in my home town, the college town of Gainesville, and Daytona.  In these gyms, it didn’t matter if a person was affluent or poor, older or younger, black or white, educated or not, what they did for a living, there was equal competitiveness and equal cooperation.  It was a very positive and optimistic environment.

But back then, 90% of the members in these weight lifting gyms were male.  This was one of the reasons why money, education, occupation, age, and color didn’t matter, it was just males.  Males that shared the common goal and belief of getting bigger, stronger, and being able to add more weight to their lifts.

Once women began going to weight lifting gyms in increasing numbers, women and gym franchise owners began making changes.  In order to appeal to not just men, but women, young adults, millennials, lesbians, gays, and transgenders, weight lifting gyms transformed into fitness centers.

To explain the difference, white-collar men, blue-collar men, military men, police officers, and convicts, would eat and train for weeks in order to arrive at a specific day in order to attempt their maximum all-time bench press for one rep, or maximum all-time dead lift for one rep, or maximum all-time squat for one rep, whereas women will come to a gym wearing their new outfit, get on a dead-lift platform, play with their phone, and lift just the weight bar by itself, in order to get in the way of the man who trained for weeks to attempt his maximum all-time lift.

Because of the increasing numbers of women going to gyms and ruining them for men, not just by getting in the way, taking up equipment and using no weight, using equipment as locations to place their phones and water bottles, and being a distraction, but by killing the competitiveness, cooperation, and common goal of men, men don’t really have the desire to go to gyms anymore.

Men now have the desire to stay home and create their own gym at home, though it is vastly less equipped than a commercial gym.  Because many men are no longer going to commercial gyms, women don’t have anyone to disrupt, interfere with, or cause problems, so women aren’t going to gyms anymore either.  This is the real reason why gyms are having decreasing membership, struggling financially, and are closing.

Most men would love to get their hands on the gym equipment that will be sold after these commercial gyms go out of business.  You see, it is not that men no longer have an interest in weight training, they just don’t like what gyms have become, fitness centers for women.

I Was Considering Meeting A Seventeen Year Old Girl For Lunch

For those of you who don’t know, if someone who has a Facebook account looks at your Facebook page more than once in a short period of time, their Facebook profile and photo will appear near the top of the list under your “People You May Know” or “Find Friends”.

Partly due to my blog post article “What Happened To Erik Odegaard Is A Tragedy That Is Everyone’s Fault”, a hundred additional people have appeared under my Facebook list of “People You May Know”.  When I was trying to determine where the links, referrals, and shares to this particular blog post article were coming from, I found that it was mostly a group of very bitter, angry, hateful people who disagreed with my article, who also began appearing on my Facebook list of “People You May Know”.

Probably the most important thing that I learned from writing this blog post article was how ignorant and hateful the people in Dickinson are, combined with their disregard for facts, reason, logic, or truth.  It’s fine to disagree with my article, it would do some good and help me and everyone else if someone could give some facts and insight into why my article was incorrect.

Instead, I received threats, hateful remarks, and saw that a group of people were trying to cause me harm.  For instance, a couple of people found what appeared to be where I live, my address, and some personal information about me, which they publicized and tried to stir people up to assault me or damage my property.

Besides seeing the ignorance, hate, and primitiveness of the people in Dickinson, I also saw that the women in Dickinson were enraged and desperate to prevent people in Dickinson from realizing and addressing the situation, that there is a great shortage of women in Dickinson, which the overweight and unattractive women in Dickinson have been using for years to their advantage.  They don’t want things to change.

At the top of the list of my Facebook “People You May Know”, are a couple of young women who are so crazy, that they like me and hate me at the same time.  They want to argue with me, cause me problems, meet me, get into a relationship with me, and then do something like get pregnant, get me arrested, or some such thing, however they can cause me the most permanent problems.

Because I am male and want to have sex, I almost want to meet these young women and have sex with them, but then I stop and think, why would I want to have the Police called on me for their pre-planned set up of sexual assault allegations or them becoming pregnant and me having to pay for child support, health insurance, and possibly college for the next 22 years?

Then, there are the teen-aged girls on my Facebook list of “People You May Know” who have taken an interest in what I write.  Teen-aged girls like to push the limits of what they can get away with, they like to do the opposite of what they are told to do, they like risk, danger, and excitement, and just like grown women they like causing trouble and getting other people in trouble.

For my own fun, entertainment, excitement, to piss people off, and do something that I’m not supposed to be doing, I was considering meeting a 17 year old rebellious girl in Dickinson for lunch, to allow her to bitch, complain, and gripe at me.  Technically, legally, it is not against the law for me to eat lunch at a restaurant with a 17 year old girl.

My reasons for meeting this 17 year old girl in public would be almost the same as this 17 year old girl’s reasons for meeting me in public, except she might have the intent of getting me into a lot of trouble.

At first, I thought that there is no way that I could get into trouble for this.  One step closer to me getting into trouble would be if she asked me and I agreed to give her a ride home.  Her mother seeing her getting out of my vehicle would put me well on my way to being in trouble.

Another possibility, would be her or her friends planning a confrontation at the restaurant to make this appear to be a preliminary meeting prior to having sex.

I debated in my mind whether this was worth the risk or not.  I wanted to make the point that it is not illegal to have lunch in public with a 17 year old girl, even though people might think that we are dating, or think that we are planning on eloping, or think that we are planning a romantic rendezvous, or think that she is accepting money for sex.

What made me realize that I can’t or shouldn’t do this, is that the people in Dickinson don’t care about the facts or the truth.  Because I saw recently how ignorant and primitive the people in Dickinson are, just because there is no law against dining in public with a 17 year old girl, doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be accosted, arrested, jailed, and charged with something.

The Police in Dickinson, and probably even the prosecuting attorney in Dickinson, would proceed fully with all kinds of sex trafficking of a minor charges, and you can imagine what a jury trial would be like in Dickinson, that I could very likely be convicted of a very serious crime in Dickinson, without having committed any type of crime.

This makes me uncomfortable, the reality of likely being arrested, charged, and convicted of a serious crime, when no crime has been committed.  But the majority of the people in Dickinson would be very content with this outcome, if you stop and think about it.  Their hate, hostility, and meanness is much greater than their morality or ethics.

To Avoid Trouble, You Should Get Permission Before You Pet Women

For the past couple of weeks there has been a lot of angry women looking at my blog post articles and leaving comments.  One of the ways to not anger women, not have problems, and to stay out of trouble, is to get permission before you pet women.

Here’s how this works, you want to ask someone with authority, permission to pet a woman, in front of her, so that she knows that it’s O.K., you have asked and received permission.

For example, at a bar, you might ask the bartender, “Would it be O.K. if I pet your waitress?”  But make sure that you ask and receive permission in front of the waitress before you pet her, so that there is no misunderstanding.

If you don’t know whether the man that a woman is with is her husband or boyfriend, you might ask, “Would it be O.K. if I pet your sister?”  See, that way, you are not insulting her husband or boyfriend, because you are acting like you thought that they were her brother.

If a man is much older than the woman he is with, you might ask, “Can I pet your daughter?” And if things are going well, you might then ask, “What is her name?”  However, in this day and age, there is currently this belief that men over eighteen years of age can not have a romantic relationship with younger girls in their teen years, so don’t get your feelings hurt if the answer is “No” on petting teen aged daughters.  Better to ask permission and be told “No”, than pet her without permission and everyone get mad, even if she is acting friendly.

In a beauty salon, if you ask one of the beauticians if you can pet so and so over there, they are likely to say something like, “She likes to be scratched under her boobs.”  But you never can be sure if they are kidding, or if they are serious, so in general it is better to start out by petting a woman gently to see how she responds before you try scratching anywhere.

When a woman is by herself, and you ask her, “Would it be O.K. if I pet you?”  You might often get the response from her, “If you have to ask, the answer is probably going to be no.”  When a woman says this, I think that 70% of the time it would be safe to proceed, unless you sense that she is mean and hateful.

When petting a woman that you don’t know, begin by pressing the open palm of your hand at the base of her neck, and stroking down her back in a smooth, firm motion.  You have to pet her at least twice in quick succession, or she will think that you are teasing her.  If you are too light with your hand, she will think that you are teasing her.

In time, you should develop a better idea of how each individual woman likes to be petted, or where she likes to be scratched.

Like cats, women have places that they don’t like to be petted or scratched, and inevitably you will find this out too.

Some men like to say things when they are petting women, such as “Your hair looks nice.”, or “You have a nice ass.”, or “You look beautiful.” or “You’re out of high school aren’t you?”  But some women become lulled into a kind of trance or stupor when you are petting them so it is best to not say anything so that you don’t wake them.

The Treachery Of Women And Why You Can’t Trust Women In The Workplace

For the past 2-1/2 years I have worked at an industrial site far outside of Dickinson, North Dakota.  At times there has been as may as 150 personnel working on this site, but most of the time there are not very many people around, especially December through March when the weather is below freezing.

On many days, the only personnel on site are just a couple of us from our company.  And sometimes on a Saturday or Sunday there might only be one of us on site, we are working by ourselves all day.

Typically in the oil industry and other industries, company employees are not permitted to carry a concealed firearm on their person at work, in their company vehicle, or on their job site.  When I was working in the oil field in Texas, if you were carrying a concealed weapon on a site that could be considered a distribution facility or a refinery, not only was it against company policy, but it was also a felony if I remember correctly.

However, the majority of the people that I met working in the oil field of west Texas on the Mexico border, they told me that they would not go into this oil field without a firearm.  They said things like, “Which is more important, having your job or having your life?”  I always had my 9mm semi-auto pistol with me in my vehicle.  This was the most dangerous area that I have ever been in.

When I began working at the industrial site where I am now, I spoke to my predecessor co-workers, and they told me that they either had a firearm on their person or in their vehicle.  To explain it another way, two of the best long-term male workers and two of the best long-term female workers that remain in very good standing with the company that I work for, they always had a firearm with them.

These four workers and myself, we each had a concealed weapons permit.  Several years ago the State of North Dakota legislature passed a law specifying that employers could not interfere with employees keeping a concealed weapon inside of their vehicle on company property.  About one year ago the State of North Dakota passed a law that said all legal firearm owners could carry a concealed weapon without having to obtain a concealed weapons permit.

The State of North Dakota is permissive about individuals carrying a firearm on their person or in their vehicle, but most oil companies are very, very against the possession of firearms in the oil field and work locations.

Many readers are probably wanting to know what the fuck am I talking about, why do we need a firearm at work?  The shortest answer that I can give, is that each of us experienced an incident that was life-threatening, that we realized we weren’t prepared for, and that going forward we probably needed to have a firearm available to us in an emergency.

To give an example, there is a woman co-worker of mine who is older than me, who started working at this site about 1-1/2 years ago.  She was working by herself on a Sunday afternoon about one year ago, when a vehicle with two males in it drove up to the site entrance.

Our company office trailer is close to the site entrance, and whoever is working is responsible to not allow unauthorized people onto the site, the site is closed to the public.  This woman went out to the vehicle to see what these two men wanted.  They were asking her questions, and as they began to realize that she was at the site all alone by herself, they began to act very, very creepy and frightening to her.

Since this is an industrial site that is closed to the public, it has no beauty or entertainment value, and it is shut down on weekends, it was very questionable and suspicious why these two men were driving down the entrance drive on Sunday in the first place.  Then they began giving the lone female employee a hard time and were frightening her.

When she told me about this incident and a second incident at this site, I had a talk with this female employee about her experience with firearms and her comfort level with firearms.  She was comfortable and familiar with firearms, but she did not currently own a pistol to take with her to work.

I discussed with her what I could do, did she want me to do this, was she in agreement?  Since this was mostly for her benefit, and she agreed to everything, this is what I did:  I bought a small locking gun safe and installed it in a hidden location inside of our office trailer.  I bought a woman’s 9mm semi-auto pistol.  I showed her the gun, I went over with her several times its features and operation, she understood.  We agreed to leave it inside the gun safe with its safety off, but with no round chambered.  To fire it, all you had to do was pull back the slide and release the slide.

I bought a canvas carrying case so that she could take this 9mm pistol home with her at night, because I already had my own Beretta .32 that I carry, but she wanted to leave it in the gun safe at work.

She understood, and I understood that if the site owner’s representatives ever found out or heard that we had a gun safe in our office trailer with a pistol inside of it, that roughly half of the site owner’s representatives would not have a problem with it, whereas the other half would.  Just one of the site owner’s representatives pitching a big enough fit about it could get me fired.  My co-worker was going to keep her mouth shut about it, because she liked it being there and she wanted it to be there, it benefited her.

The other female co-worker at this site was even more scared of being at this site by herself.  She was about 55 years old, and I didn’t know if I could trust her or not.  She seemed like at tattle-tale, most women are.  The other female co-worker who I had given a key to the gun safe, she cautioned me to please not tell anyone else.

I discussed with the other gun safe key holder, what is the worst that could happen?  Probably the worst thing that could happen, would be for this other woman to march up to the site owner’s representative and say, “They have a gun!  They have a gun in the office!”  I came close to broaching this subject with the other female co-worker to get an idea of what her reaction and thoughts would be, was she afraid of firearms, does she think that firearms are bad?

A couple of months went by, and thanks to a commentor to this blog website, “Rusty Shackelford”, he recommended buying an Italian Law Enforcement surplus Beretta Cheetah .32 for $210, and this is what my female co-worker bought for herself to carry with her.

About this time, the other female co-worker who I wasn’t sure that I could trust, she began acting like a bitch, so I removed the pistol from the gun safe in the office trailer, because it wasn’t really needed anymore, and I began to fear the possibility of being ratted out.  The bitch acting female co-worker, it became the case that whatever we asked her to do or instructed her to do, she did the opposite.  It was as if no matter what we told her, she knew better.

When we came back to work after being gone for a few days, the bitch acting female co-worker had broken and damaged four pieces of equipment, but she denied doing it.  We took photographs of the broken and damaged equipment and sent them to the owner of our company, and he had to ask her what happened, it was hard to deny that these things were broken and damaged.

Like a typical women, resorting to treachery, the bitch acting female co-worker began trying to tell her grievances to one of the site owner’s representatives.  I don’t know if the readers know how bad this is, when a low-level, fairly new employee, the least experienced employee in the company, does not take her grievances to the owner of the company that she works for, but instead takes her grievances to the company’s customer, this usually leads to termination.

But see, looking back on this, I have my own firearms, concealed weapons permit, and various concealed carry holsters, I didn’t need to buy a woman’s 9mm pistol and install a hidden gun safe in our office trailer.  I did this because my female co-worker was frightened and she probably was in danger by working alone out in the middle of nowhere and being unarmed.

Had I tried to help this other woman co-worker by explaining and allowing her access to this firearm in case of an emergency, because of the treachery of women, my reward for trying to help her would have been her tattle-telling to try to get me fired for keeping a firearm inside the site office trailer.

This other woman co-worker, like a lot of women, once they get a job, they begin thinking that they know more than the people who have more experience, and whatever they are told to do they do the opposite.  Then, when they reap the disaster that they have sown, their next tactic is tattle telling to try to get other co-workers in trouble who had nothing to do with the actual immediate work failures under investigation.

My trying to help her, would have had nothing to do with her current work failures, but she would try to use what I did to help her, against me.  This is why you can’t help or mentor women, whenever they have work problems, a work failure, or they don’t feel like doing their work, they go and try to get other people in trouble to deflect attention away from their failures.

More About Isabel Paige And My Disappointment

Very early yesterday morning I wrote a blog post article about a 23 year old young woman named Isabel Paige.  I had watched a couple of her videos and thought that she was interesting enough and attractive enough to write about.  I intended to find out more about her.

Later yesterday evening I was able to find Isabel’s last name, but very little additional information came up for her, which was not too surprising because she is only 23 years old.  When I did a search using Isabel’s father’s name, this eventually led to a kind of unraveling of Isabel’s story about what she was doing.

Isabel’s mother and father live in Seattle, Washington.  When Isabel was talking in her videos about living and working in Seattle, and returning to live on her family’s “farm”, I was mistaken, and so were many of her viewers.  We thought that she had been working and living by herself in Seattle, far away from her home and family, but that was not the case, her family has a home in Seattle.

Isabel’s father’s name was linked to a street address in eastern Washington state on the outskirts of a National Forest.  Using Google Earth Satellite View of this street address revealed that this was the property shown in many of Isabel’s videos, that she was referring to as her family’s “farm”.

The “family farm” that Isabel was talking about returning to in her videos, is not really a farm, because there isn’t any livestock such as horses, cattle, pigs, sheep, goats, or chickens, nor is there any corral, barn, tractor, large farm field, or crop.  There is a large garden that is maybe 1/2 acre in size.  The property is a vacation home that was recently built or purchased by her mother and father.

I feel that I was somewhat duped or misled.  From what Isabel was saying, she was talking about trying to live as a farmer, to be self-sufficient, and to live off-grid.  A more accurate description of the situation, is that Isabel and her sister Natasha are staying in their parent’s vacation home.

When I read the comments to some of Isabel’s videos, some of the commentors were being very critical, saying that Isabel was just staying in her parent’s vacation home, or asking her to show video of the “farm”, or asking her what she was going to do in the winter.  At first I didn’t understand these comments, but now I do.

I don’t think that anyone can live in this vacation home during the winter, for several different reasons.  From the Google Earth Satellite View, there is a one-lane, dead-end dirt road that goes about one mile from the nearest house back to Isabel’s house.  This one-lane dirt road is terraced into a very steep mountainside that is going to shed or avalanche snow onto this road November through March.

More than a mile from Isabel’s house, there is a one-lane wooden bridge over a river that provides access to Isabel’s house and three other houses.  I don’t think that this wooden bridge is rated to carry heavy county road crew snow removal equipment that would be needed to efficiently plow more than one mile of road.  I don’t think that the county crosses over this one-lane wooden bridge to clear the snow for access to these four houses on the far side of the river.

If you could find a private heavy equipment operator to drive a front end loader across the one-lane wooden bridge and clear more than one mile of snow off the road, it would take at least half a day and cost about $1,000 each time.

For the past eighteen years I have lived in heavy snow fall areas of northern Arizona, Idaho, and North Dakota.  In the winter, many National Forest and National Park roads are closed off because they can not keep up with the snow removal.  Bottoms of canyons with vacation homes become inaccessible for large amounts of time in the winter because of snow accumulation.

You can’t live in a mountainous area of Washington at the bottom of a canyon on the limited access side of the river, and expect to be able to make it to a job or a grocery store every day during the winter.  There will be times in the winter when you couldn’t drive out of the far side of the canyon for weeks in a row.

I am not so angry that Isabel gave me and the other viewers the idea that she was going to live and work on her family’s farm, when it isn’t a farm, and she isn’t working on a farm, as I am irritated that Isabel doesn’t really have a viable realistic plan on how she is going to survive this winter.

I imagine that Isabel’s parents haven’t flat out told her “no” that she can’t live at that house in the winter, because this appears to still be her plan.  Maybe her parents are thinking that she will see this for herself in November or December and get out of there before she becomes stuck and has to be rescued.

Here is a video showing Isabel with her family, which will give a little more insight into the situation:

How Hard Should You Bite A Woman’s Ass

Since I seem to be focusing on women this week, I will continue on with this same theme and answer the question, “How Hard Should You Bite A Woman’s Ass?”

Women want attention and they want to be appreciated, so one of the ways that you can show both your interest and appreciation is to bite them on their ass.  This can be done when they are wearing pants, underwear, or no clothing at all.  However, in order to be sincere and arouse any kind of emotion in women, it must be done hard enough.

How hard you should bite depends on a woman’s age.  Follow the guidelines given below, and you can’t go wrong.  Except remember that we are talking about biting women on their ass, and not any other place, as this would be too hard elsewhere.  Also note the exception given at the end of this article regarding Mormon women and Asian women.

Women in their teens:  You should bite their ass increasingly hard until they say, “Ooowwww!”, but not beyond that, let go.

Women in their college age years, 18-23:  You should bite their ass increasingly hard until they say, “Ooowww, shit, that hurts!”, but not beyond that, let go.

Women aged 24-30:  You should bite their ass increasingly hard until they say, “Ooowww, shit, that hurts, what the fuck is wrong with you!”, but not beyond that, let go.

Women aged 31-40:  You should bite their ass increasingly hard until they say, “Ooowww, shit, that hurts, what the fuck is wrong with you, are you crazy!”, but not beyond that, let go.

Women aged 41-50:  You should bite their ass increasingly hard until they say, “Ooowww, shit, that hurts, what the fuck is wrong with your, are you crazy, don’t ever do anything like that again, I mean it!”, but not beyond that, let go.

Now, before any older women get too upset, it’s not like you are going to get bit that much harder than anyone else when you are over 40 years old, it’s that you are going to have less tolerance for it and start squealing sooner, louder, and longer to stop.

*Note:  Because Mormon women and Asian women are raised in a culture where they are taught not to complain, you could accidentally do some physical harm to Mormon and Asian women before they would complain about you biting too hard.  Or, Asian women might be complaining for you to stop but you don’t know what they are saying.

Now that I think about it, biting a woman on the ass is like writing a blog post article, you really aren’t getting their attention until they start saying, “What the fuck is wrong with you, are you crazy!”

I Found A New Attractive Young Girl Named Isabel Paige

I found a new attractive young girl named Isabel Paige.  I am so thrilled with excitement to find out more about her.

Watching Isabel Paige is like watching a puppy or kitten as it explores its environment.  Everything that it sees or finds is new to it, and watching its reaction is cute and adorable.

I want you to see, the same first video that I saw of her:

Wasn’t that video great!

The first half of the above video shows the personality of this young lady, you are seeing what she is like, what type of person she is, what are the things that she is interested in.  The second half of this video, because I live in North Dakota where there is a great shortage of women, I was just interested in looking at Isabel’s breasts.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was watching what Isabel was doing, getting up in the morning, driving to work through the mountains, preparing food when she got home, but once she put on that lightweight summer green floral print dress without any bras on, I had to go back and watch the second half of this video three times.

My analysis, it was not necessary for Isabel to go put on this particular lightweight, small summer dress in order to prepare and cook the fresh vegetables, beans, and rice, but she did it for a reason, she deliberately wanted to show her nice ripe young breasts.  That’s fine with me, I liked it, very much.  I wanted to see more.

I did try to listen to what Isabel was saying, she is new to life, she just turned 23 years old, but she does have some good ideas and insights into the meaning of life that are very advanced for her young age.

I watched about four more of Isabel’s videos, but they were hard for me to watch, because I am too sensitive, I had to stop her videos about half way through.  I will give a couple of examples of why her videos were upsetting to me.

From what I was seeing, and what Isabel was explaining, I don’t think that she has very much money.  She appears to work at low-paying jobs in retail, hospitality, or restaurants, and she tries to live as cheaply as possible.  She went to college right after high school, but from the beginning she was feeling out of place at college, that it wasn’t for her, she was not enjoying it, and she was quickly running out of money and could not afford to continue without taking on student loans.

After spending a couple of years travelling to places like India and Indonesia, and trying to live in places like Hawaii and Seattle, when Isabel was about 22 years old she returned to live with her older sister Natasha in what appears to be rural eastern Washington state.

Though the home where Isabel lives with her older sister Natasha appears to be recently built, it is not completely furnished inside, nor completely finished on the outside.  In one of the videos where I saw Isabel’s older sister, her older sister appears to be very stressed out, and very much more burdened than she should be at her age.

Because I have seen this scenario before, my opinion and impression is that Isabel’s older sister had a boyfriend or husband that had the plan of buying a rural property and building a home.  The stress, difficulty, unexpected problems, and cost of buying a property and building a home often causes couples to break up.  The reality turns out to be so much more of a constant struggle than the vision of happiness that they had imagined, that the boyfriend or husband leaves.

(After writing this blog post article, I performed more research.  It was Isabel’s and Natasha’s father who built this house in rural eastern Washington state beside a river.  I located this house using Google Earth Satellite view, and I verified that Isabel’s videos showed the landmarks seen on Google Earth.)

I think that Isabel came to live with her older sister, because Isabel was seeking to find a peaceful simple life, and her sister could use her help.  But I think that whereas Isabel is seeking peace, tranquility, and simplicity, her older sister appears to be overwhelmed with the responsibility of trying to find a way to pay for everything in a rural area where there are very few high paying jobs.

I watched part of a video where Isabel and her sister were beginning to prepare a large garden just after the end of the winter thaw when the ground was beginning to soften up.  Because of the condition of the ground and the size of the garden, they really needed a tractor or a tiller to plow rows, but Isabel and her sister were trying to rake it by hand, which wasn’t working.  Isabel and her sister aren’t stupid, they just don’t have a tractor or the money for a tractor.

As much as I hate women, you would think that I would enjoy watching two women without husbands or boyfriends having to struggle to survive, so that they at least learn how difficult physical work actually is, and learn to appreciate and value men more, but I feel sorry for them.  I probably shouldn’t, I really shouldn’t.

Isabel often goes for long walks by herself in the forest, and she goes swimming by herself deep in the forest, probably without any clothes on, and her commentors express their concern that either a person or an animal is going to get her.  Isabel is probably too unconcerned about her safety, possibly because she doesn’t know enough yet to be scared.  Many very experienced hunters and outdoorsmen who are ex-military or ex-law enforcement will never, ever go into the woods without a firearm after their lifetime of experiences.

Isabel made a video where she was trying on clothes and explaining where she got them.  Isabel has a young, very healthy fit body, with nice legs, ass, stomach, boobs, and she likes to show how she looks.  If YouTube didn’t have restrictions, she probably would make some videos not wearing any clothes at all.

All of the clothes that Isabel was trying on came from thrift stores, or were previously owned by friends or family members.  Her clothes looked very good on her, she looked very good, and she explained when or where she would like to wear each of her outfits.  She said that she didn’t get to go anywhere, because no one ever asked her out.

When I mentioned previously that I had to quit watching some of Isabel’s videos half way through because they were upsetting to me, the gardening video, hiking videos, and clothing try on videos were upsetting to me, because I just cringed that Isabel doesn’t have a boyfriend.  The struggles that she has because she doesn’t have a boyfriend, the danger she puts herself in because she doesn’t have a boyfriend, the absurdity that she doesn’t have anyone appreciating her and taking her places.

I have my suspicion that Isabel is not overlooked by men.  I think that she could possibly be setting a trap, where she is the bait and she is acting like she is available for mating, and she is going to try to catch someone.  Or, that Isabel quickly demonstrates in-person how difficult that she can be, and men quickly flee away from her.

For the time being, I have someone new to learn and write about, so we can all be happy.

Citizen’s Community Police In Dickinson North Dakota

Ten days ago I came under attack from angry, hateful, bitter, vicious women in Dickinson, North Dakota.  But thankfully, not from any of the women on my “List Of Attractive Women In Dickinson, North Dakota”.

You see, the women on this list must meet certain requirements of attractiveness which include appearance, demeanor, bearing, dress, civility, and respectability.  Do you know, that in the over three years since publishing this list, I have never once had to remove a member from this list, or even issue a warning?

For reference, here is this list  .  More than a year ago, I ran out of women in Dickinson to include on this list, because no one else met the minimum requirements.

Since coming under attack by the unattractive women in Dickinson ten days ago, I thought about how I might improve Dickinson and the women in Dickinson.  Part of the problem is that there are no standards, nor is there any enforcement of standards.  The women just do whatever they want, like savages, or wild animals.

What I have come up with, is the creation of the Citizen’s Community Police in Dickinson.  This organization will engage in the implementation and enforcement of standards and rules for women in Dickinson.  Just like it is the job of the Police in Dickinson to detect and deter crime, the job of the Citizen’s Community Police in Dickinson will be to detect and deter bad behavior by women.

Beginning now, the citizens of Dickinson can report bad behavior by individual women, a file will be created, the information will be recorded, an investigation will be conducted, and citations or arrest will follow as appropriate.

Citizens of Dickinson are asked to keep an eye open for suspicious or inappropriate behavior by women, and report it.  Here are some examples:

  • Driving too fast.
  • Texting while driving.
  • Leering and Sneering.
  • Causing problems.
  • Being a problem.
  • Causing trouble.
  • Wearing pajama pants outside the house.
  • Not getting dressed in the morning.
  • Talking like someone from the ghetto in a city.
  • Wearing leggings outside the house.
  • Not keeping house.
  • Causing trouble on Facebook.
  • Disrespecting their husband.
  • Disrespecting their boyfriend.
  • Disrespecting their parents.
  • Monkey branching.
  • Acting stupid.
  • Being rude.
  • Using bad language.
  • Excessive arguing.
  • Excessive complaining.
  • Not following instructions.
  • Bad check writing.
  • Using drugs.
  • Stealing.
  • Handling stolen goods.
  • Making false allegations.
  • Arriving late for work or appointments.
  • Not showing up for work or appointments.
  • Cutting their hair too short.
  • Coloring their hair an unnatural color.
  • Getting tattoos.
  • Growing dreadlocks.
  • Littering.
  • Being jail bait.
  • Bad hygiene.
  • Taking inappropriate selfies.
  • Not washing hands.
  • Sticking fingers in mouth in public.
  • Interfering with men’s weight training areas.
  • Being contentious.
  • Causing other people to have to do their job.

Once reports are received, and a file is created, a.k.a. “their jacket”, women will be assessed an ongoing demerit point total, which will result, in order of severity:  verbal warning, written warning, written citation, arrest, incarceration.

Following arrest or incarceration, women will be required to complete both community service and receive counseling as appropriate on topics such as “health”, “hygiene”, “home economics”, “manners”, “the proper care and feeding of husbands”, “how to find and keep a husband”, and so forth.

Women’s files or “their jackets”, will be kept confidential except for sharing with Law Enforcement, The Courts, Husbands, Fiancees, Boyfriends, Parents, Pastors, The Mormon Church, Colleges, Universities, Banks, Car Dealers, Employers, and Landlords.

Preliminary Overview Of Complaints On The Erik Odegaard Blog Post Article

On February 28, 2020 I published an article titled, “What Happened To Erik Odegaard Is A Tragedy That Is Everyone’s Fault”.

I had met Erik Odegaard and his father Mike back in 2014 in Dickinson, North Dakota.  I worked with Erik and his father on many occasions in 2014, 2015, and 2016 while Erik was still in high school.  Erik had a very good attitude, he worked hard, didn’t complain, was always respectful to adults, he had many friends his own age, and he was generally well liked by everyone.

After Erik graduated from high school, he enlisted in the U.S. Army, and he eventually became an Army Medic.  Through some kind of program with the Army Reserves or Army National Guard, Erik was able to return to Dickinson to complete the final years of his enlistment.

I wish that Erik would not have returned to Dickinson.  Any normal, working, unmarried male could have told Erik that yes, it was slightly easier to get a job in Dickinson because of circumstances such as there still being a shortage of labor after the oil boom, but the Police in Dickinson don’t allow people to go out to bars at night, and there are no women.

But Erik did return to Dickinson, where there is a shortage of women, and nothing to do.  Erik, being a 19-20 year old male, he did seek out companionship, and he eventually did find it, with a girl who was still in high school.

I am so tired of trying to explain sex to the people in Dickinson.  If the ratio of men to women in Dickinson is 3:1, three men to every one woman, there are going to be problems.  How this type of problem is handled in the rest of the World is by houses of prostitution such as this one .  Please look at and read this Escort of Italy website to understand that this is a normal thing in the rest of the World.

It is miraculous that Dickinson doesn’t have even worse problems due to the shortage of women, but then again it does, please read this Grand Forks Herald newspaper article about men in Dickinson having sex with horses and cows .  A quote from this article reads, “…an illegal act ranchers suggest happens all too often in this area, but rarely gets reported.”

Because Dickinson is cold, barren, desolate, uneducated, with nowhere to go and nothing to do, attractive women will not come here, and the attractive women who are born here try to leave as soon as they are able.  Historically, this created another problem, the men who were here mated with the women who were here, and now look at what you’ve got.

In my blog post article about Erik, I tried to explain that this was bound to happen, with the shortage of women here, and the unattractiveness of the women who are here. I also tried to explain that through the entire 15,000 year recorded history of mankind, 19-20 year old males have been having sex with and marrying teen-aged girls.  Why are the people in Dickinson trying to act like this is some kind of abomination, that a young man needs to be persecuted for?

But the purpose of this blog post article is to address the complaints, not re-argue the points of the article that I first wrote about Erik.

The complaints that I received about the Erik Odegaard blog post article are not what you think.  Something entirely different than what you think occurred.

On April 18, 19, 20, and 21 my blog website received a total of 43,000 views, which is much greater than normal.  Though there were many “shares”, “comments”, and “referrals” from Facebook, this high number of views was not likely caused by the casual or even angry discussion of my Erik Odegaard blog post article on Facebook or elsewhere.

To explain that there was something else going on to cause a high number of blog website views, take note that there were fewer than sixty actual complaint comments posted to the Erik Odegaard blog post article.  This means that only 1.4 viewers per thousand actually left a complaint comment about the Erik Odegaard blog post article.  This doesn’t mean that more viewers didn’t like this article, it does reflect that actual viewers were indifferent and not incensed by it.

The second thing to take note of, is that if someone were truly outraged and disgusted by the Erik Odegaard blog post article that I wrote, why would they make such a dedicated effort to get as many people as possible to visit my website?

A third thing to take note of, is that it is doubtful that just one person could have spontaneously decided to complain on April 17, and whoops, over the following four days they caused 43,000 views to my website.

In a future blog post I may discuss the main “haters” on Facebook that each hosted up to fifty “comments” and fifty “shares”, and some of the individual Facebook users, but I don’t want to lose sight of the big picture.  The big picture is, that the sudden large number of views to my blog website doesn’t appear to be caused by outrage at the Erik Odegaard article, nor was it spontaneous, nor was it caused by a group of angry readers, though the whole thing was disguised as if it were outrage at the Erik Odegaard article.

Keep in mind that my Erik Odegaard blog post article had been published for almost two months with very little comment or attention prior to this sudden “outrage”.

Altogether, it looks like someone or a group decided far in advance to try to find some way to launch an attack against me in order to keep me from continuing to write.  They wanted to attack me anonymously, instigate other people to do their work for them, and make it appear as though it was caused by something that I wrote.

Because of the level of planning, the implementation of “smart mob” tactics, and the outcome that was sought, there are only a few groups in North Dakota that would have this type of knowledge and experience.  These are: The Democrat Party; College professors with marketing/media/political experience; The Forum Communications Company.

I didn’t explain it yet, but the outcome that was sought was not to criticize any particular article of mine, or discredit my writing, but to arouse so much hatred and anger towards me, combined with the publication of what was supposed to be my name, photograph, phone number, and street address, that the threats, harassment, altercations, and possible physical attacks would force me to stop writing.

Again, this is not something that an individual angry over a blog post article would do or even could do.  An individual angry over a blog post article would not seek to or have the ability to drive 43,000 views to a website in a period of a few days, stir up as much anger as possible towards the writer, then post the writer’s name, photograph, phone number, and home address, in hopes that harassment and assaults would follow.  This is something that the Democratic Party does to someone like Sheriff Joe Arpaio.

I Am In Love With Lori Hinz

Right now, I am in love with Lori Hinz.  I wanted to write about this now, while I still have a strong emotional feeling about it, to make this an interesting blog post article.

I was looking at ND District 36 Representative Luke Simons’ Facebook posts, when I first saw a kind of hectic video of Lori Hinz, where she was saying something about having been told to not bring her knee up so high when making a video.  I thought that she was cute, but maybe a little silly, or perhaps phony, because I was sure that she knew how to sit without showing anything on camera, nobody needed to tell her anything.  I believed that she was experienced.

The next time that I saw a Facebook post of Lori Hinz, again brought to us by Luke Simons, Lori had made a very polished, intense video.  By intense, I mean that she fit in her message, her personality, some charm, some sweetness, attractiveness, softness, perkiness, enthusiasm, and a few other things that I won’t mention.  Here is the video that almost made me fall in love with Lori, but not quite yet:


By the way, this video was just too much for me to handle, I am not used to women talking to me this way.  I had to stop the video.

I heard her say that her husband, Jeff, owned two Ace Hardware stores.  Who can compete with that?  But, on the other hand, she said that she and her husband had raised three sons, so I was thinking, O.K., maybe she’s done with Jeff, maybe she’s ready to move on.

I felt that Lori was too much for me to handle, so I went on my way to look at other things on the internet.

Then, a few days later, I saw on my Facebook “Find Friends” or “People You May Know”, the unofficial, personal Facebook page of Lori Hinz, and I thought to myself, “She likes me!  She likes me!”, because I had left a comment to her ND National Republican Committeewoman video.

Then I thought, now what do I do, I feel bad for her husband Jeff.  And I began to worry, if she will leave her husband Jeff of 33 years for me, she will probably end up leaving me too.  I was sad, and I went to go and look at other “People You May Know” on Facebook.

I thought that I had put Lori out of my mind, I was trying to, and do you know what I saw on my Facebook “Find Friends” or “People You May Know” today?  The Facebook page of “Lauren Gray”, her stage name, but she’s not a stripper or an actress, well she might be an actress, but she is a radio announcer and host.  See, I told you that she was experienced.

Why is she so persistent, why does she keep wanting me to look at her?  I like the different styles that she wears her hair.  I like both when her eyes are blue with contact lenses, and when she has her natural dark eyes.  I like her when she is made-up, and when she is plain.  I like her when she is chubby and when she is slender.

Would you like her on a boat, would you like her with a goat?  Would you like her here or there, would you like her anywhere?  Yes I would.

She has many attractive features, see for yourself:


One of the reasons why I write things like this, is to try to ruin any possibility of me ever actually having a relationship of any kind with these people.  I fear that it actually could happen.  It’s like a magnet, the closer in proximity you get, the more attraction there is, it’s like the name of the make-up that John MacClean was using, “Can’t Stop Won’t Stop”,

I do wish Lori Hinz well in her political pursuits.  This blog post probably won’t help her very much.  But please don’t get near me.  I am sure that the readers will help with this.

The Independent Mechanic That I Can No Longer Use In Dickinson, North Dakota

In November of 2019, I wrote a blog post article about no longer being able to take my Toyotas to the Toyota dealership service department in Dickinson, North Dakota.  I had taken two different Toyotas to this Toyota dealership service department over the past six years, on at least six different occasions, and they had never tried to rip me off before.

In November of 2019, when I took a Toyota 4-Runner to this dealership for an oil change, they wrote up a service estimate for leaking transmission pan, leaking oil pan, leaking main crankshaft seal, and leaking oil pressure sensor, totaling about $1,200 of work.  The problem is, that this Toyota 4-Runner doesn’t leak anything.  I check this Toyota where it is parked every day, and I look underneath it when it is running, and it doesn’t leak a drop of anything.

At that point, I realized that I could never take any of my vehicles to this Toyota dealership service department again, because I could no longer trust them, after they made recommendations for repairs that did not need to be done.

If you don’t think that this is a common problem at car dealership service departments, telling their customers about “leaks” that need to be repaired, here are two videos for you to watch from Scotty Kilmer of Houston, who is a third generation mechanic, who has been making a living working on cars for the past 52 years:

After this bad experience at a car dealership service department in Dickinson, that I could no longer trust, in December of 2019 I found what I thought was a good, inexpensive, independent mechanic in Dickinson.

At this independent mechanic on the north side of Dickinson, I took a Jeep there twice, and twice the owner made an extra effort and put in extra work to deal with repairs that turned out to have complications.  I took a Toyota there once for an oil change.  I took a Dodge there for an ignition switch replacement.

The Dodge ignition switch replacement cost about the same as what a dealership would charge, $183, but I felt that the owner had helped me twice in the past working on my Jeep, so I owed him.

My $400 Federal Income Tax refund, and my $1,200 coronavirus economic stimulus check that I would receive, I wanted to spend this money on vehicle repairs that I had been putting off.  About a month ago, this independent mechanic service writer began preparing an estimate to replace the front axle half-shaft and seal on the passenger side of my 1/2 ton pickup truck.  All the service writer needed was for me to bring this pickup truck in so that they could see what front axle it had, to order the correct half-shaft.

This pickup truck had been stolen in 2017.  While the thief had it, he replaced both of the front axle half-shafts with used ones from a junk yard, and when he did this, he damaged the passenger side front axle seal, to where it was leaking very bad.

I explained all of this to the service writer, and I asked him, is there any way to replace this passenger side front axle seal, without taking off the wheel, brake caliper, wheel bearing, and half-shaft.  He said no.  So I said then replace the front passenger half-shaft and seal, because everything will be taken apart at that point.

When I brought my 1/2 ton pickup truck in for this independent mechanic to look at the front axle in order to be able to buy the correct half-shaft, the owner of this garage came out to look at it.  The owner of the garage told me, that the front differential needed to be taken apart in order to replace the passenger side front axle seal, so could I replace both seals, and both half-shafts at the same time, because everything would be taken apart.  I said yes.

All along, I feared that there would be no way to replace just the passenger side front axle seal, without taking the half-shaft out and taking the front axle differential apart.  With everything taken apart to this extent, now would be the time to not only replace the passenger side seal, to not only replace the passenger side half-shaft, but to do both sides.

This was looking like it was going to be a $900 repair at this independent mechanic in Dickinson.  Whereas three years ago a car dealership service department in Dickinson had quoted me $750 for this whole job, and a car dealership service department in Montana had quoted me $550.  It was the car dealership service department in Montana that told me, “We don’t waste time trying to break down the half-shafts in order to replace the universal joints, due to labor costs, it’s cheaper just to buy whole new half-shafts.”

So I went back to this independent mechanic today, for the third time related to getting an estimate for this front axle half-shaft and seal replacement.  I went through the whole story again with the service writer about the truck being stolen, junk yard half-shafts being installed, the front axle passenger seal being damaged, the owner of the garage wanting to do both sides because the front axle differential would be taken apart.

The service writer said O.K., I have the estimate here, it looks like it will be just under $900, it’s a seven hour job, it’s like $770 in labor.  I said, wait a minute, what about the cost of the new half-shafts?  The service writer said, “You want the half-shafts replaced?”

God Damn It!  God Fucking Damn It! This is the third time coming here, and the third time explaining this entirely, about the truck being stolen, the used junk yard half-shafts being installed, and that there is no point in taking everything apart just to replace the seals, and not replacing the half-shafts.

In other words, I would be looking at paying $900 to get everything taken apart just to replace the two front axle seals.  Then, 10K-20K miles down the road, when the used junk yard half-shaft universal joints go bad, I would have to pay this $900 all over again a second time to get everything taken completely apart again, plus the cost of the new half-shafts.

Why is this repair going to cost $900 at this independent mechanic, without even including the cost of two new half-shafts?  This front axle work on an old American 1/2 ton pickup truck is not a $1,200 job.

That’s it. No more.  Because of going over, and over, and over this repair to replace the seals and half-shafts at the same time, and the service writer saying, “What, you wanted us to replace the half-shafts?”, and because the price quote was getting much higher than what a dealership service department would charge, I will never take another vehicle to this independent mechanic again.

A couple of hours later, when I took this pickup truck to the dealership service department, the service department manager gave me a quote for $290 to replace just the passenger side front axle seal, because there is an axle access port to reach it, everything does not need to be taken apart.  But this turned into another mess, which I will write about later.

Handling The Estate Of My Father

In my previous blog post article, I wrote about the death of my father this past Saturday.  My father, who was in his mid-eighties, was living on the east coast in the southern part of the U.S., with his girlfriend of twenty years.

Eight years ago my father had moved several states away from where he, my sister, and I were born and grew up, in order for his girlfriend to return to the state where she had spent most of her life, and where her son and other family members lived.

At first, my father and his girlfriend bought a nice, barn-style home on a fairly large wooded lot, in a heavily treed neighborhood.  Unbeknownst to me for quite a long time, he had bought a Porsche 911 convertible, and a BMW station wagon,  It was like he was hiding them from me.

Like my father had always done at our home growing up, other homes that he had lived in, and behind his office building, he would feed the animals, birds, cats, dogs, squirrels, possums, raccoons, skunks, whatever showed up.  Because of our own pets constantly letting themselves in and out of the house back door, the door was usually partly open, and things like opossums and black snakes would wander inside the house.  Different times, a black snake would be found waiting at the front door to be let out of the house by someone.

When my father moved to the barn-style house with his girlfriend, at the age of about 76, he set up bird feeders to feed the birds and squirrels, and he fed neighborhood pets that came over to his house like cats and a beagle.  The reason why the beagle wandered over, was because the house where it lived, the single-mom and her teen-aged daughters were never home, so it’s owners didn’t mind their beagle staying over at my father’s house during the day.

It was kind of a shock to me that my father and his girlfriend decided to move to an assisted living facility about three or four years ago.  One of the most important things to my father had always been to have a home with a porch and yard to sit out, to plant things like flowers, roses, and citrus trees, and he looked forward to seeing the animals that showed up every day.

I couldn’t understand why my father would give up his home.  I thought that he felt the same way that I did, that we would rather die at home falling down the stairs, off a ladder, off the roof, or have a heart-attack mowing the lawn, than waste away in an assisted living facility, or a nursing home.  I don’t know exactly why he got scared all of a sudden.  Maybe it was something that his girlfriend wanted to do, for either her sake, his sake, or for both of them.

At first, when I was talking to my father on the phone after he had moved into an assisted living facility, he was just joking about now sitting around and waiting to die.  But after about one year of living in the assisted living facility, that is exactly what it became, just sitting around waiting to die.

The last year of my father’s life, he was telling me that neither he or his girlfriend had any desire to go down and eat in the assisted living facility dining hall, that they had no interest in meeting any more people, or even talking to them.

What I thought was happening, was that my father and his girlfriend found it depressing to be surrounded by very old people, whose health was failing, who would talk about their physical ailments, and before long they would be moved out of the assisted living facility and into a nursing home.  A few days after my father’s death, when I was talking to my sister, she told me that no, it was the other way around, my father’s health and mood had declined way more than anyone else in that particular assisted living facility.

Eight months ago, my father called me to explain his estate in the event of his death.  He told me that he had appointed his girlfriend’s son, Jay, to be his representative and executor of his estate.  I listened to my father without objection, as he explained that Jay had helped he and his girlfriend many times over the past eight years, and that he trusted Jay very much.

In my mind, one of the reasons why my father did this, was because Jay was living close by, whereas myself and my sister were living far away.  Another reason was that Jay was financially uninvolved, the only thing that he was going to inherit was my father’s automobile, which I thought was fair.  But the other reason was, that my father could not trust either me or my sister to not try to fuck the other one out of money somehow.

When my father went over an accounting of his estate with me eight months ago, I was unpleasantly shocked, it was less than half of what it should have been.  Back in 2010, my father went over an accounting of his estate with me, and since that time as far as my sister and I knew, over the past ten years he had consistently added to it through investments, which he was kind of proud of.

When I found out that my father’s estate was so low eight months ago, I didn’t say anything to him at that time, I did not ask him what had happened.  I only said to him that he was going to have a difficult time making it through retirement with that, a nursing home or emergency medical care could use up all that money within a few years.  He said, I know.

I was concerned that my father would not make it through retirement with the low amount of money that he had.  Would he eventually have to live with my sister or me?  Would I have to quit what I was doing and go back to the east coast, get a job there, and rent an apartment, so that my father could live with me?  Neither myself or my sister, or both of us combined, could afford to pay $6,000 to $9,000 per month for a nursing home, so I don’t know what else we could do but have him live with one of us.

I also had to wonder what happened to my father’s money and investments.  Did he have a huge financial loss in a risky or fraudulent investment?  Did he loan or give a large amount of money to someone?  Was he the victim of some kind of scam, and was too embarrassed to tell anyone?  Or, had my father misled everyone, my sister and I, for most of our lives?

A few days after my father’s death, I explained to my father’s appointed representative/executor Jay, and my sister, what my father’s investments and cash assets were as of eight months ago.  Jay found them, pretty much as I said they should be.  At that time, I discussed with both Jay and my sister, that I was very shocked at how low they were, what they should have been according to the accounting that my father had given me ten years ago, and that I didn’t know what had happened.

Then, a day later, after some confusion, there was a great deal more confusion and despair, as we learned that my father had invested in, Collateralized Mortgage Obligation bonds, known as CMOs.

To explain CMOs, large groups of home mortgages are funded or bought, in order to create an investment that can be sold or traded as a bond, and categorized by risk of these mortgages, interest rates of the mortgages, and time of repayment of the mortgages.  These Collateralized Mortgage Obligation bonds, are what led to the housing & financial collapse of 2008.

Why the fuck would you want to own Collateralized Mortgage Obligation bonds, at the the beginning of a World-wide unemployment apocalypse due to coronavirus and $20/barrel oil oversupply?  At this time, you could expect the greatest amount of mortgage defaults in the history of mankind.

At first, my sister and I had thought that we were going to cash out of my father’s investments, because we were told that they consisted of bonds, which unlike stock, had not dropped in price like the rest of the stock market.  Then, we heard the financial advisor saying things like, now is not a good time to sell these CMOs, they have to be put out for bid, they will sell for maybe 35% less than their nominal value.

I discussed with my sister, do we want to sell these CMOs now for 35% less than what we were told they were worth?  Would it be better to wait?  Is 35% less the bottom price, or could they sell for even less than this?  Can we put a reserve minimum price for the sale of these CMO bonds?

I asked my father’s investment advisor customer service representative, if people stop paying their mortgages, are these CMOs going to become worth less, or even worthless?  She said, yes.  So that settled it for me.  I explained to my sister, that people have been able to pay their mortgages for March and April, but after this, many people will no longer be able pay their mortgages, we need to sell these CMOs now.

When it was my sister’s turn to talk to the investment advisor customer service representative, and she looked up my father’s investment account, two of the CMOs that he owned were already in default due to people not paying their mortgages.

We had a very confusing, up and down, initial handling of my father’s estate.  Good news, then bad news, good news, then bad news.

In perhaps my next blog post, I may write about investment firms and advisors selling products and services to an elderly client, which may be horrible for their heirs to deal with.

Processing The Death Of My Father

I got a telephone call at about noon today from my older sister.  I hadn’t seen or spoken to my sister since 2001 when I invited her and her boyfriend at the time to come up to Flagstaff to visit me.  Her boyfriend had a race the following day at the Phoenix International Speedway, which he won.

I saw the 386 area code show up on my phone when it was ringing, so I figured it was probably one of my family members, most likely with bad news.  When I answered the phone, my sister said, “You can probably guess why I am calling.  Dad died this morning.”

My sister explained the circumstances of my father’s death.  He had not been in very good health this past year or two, he suddenly got much worse two weeks ago, Hospice care was called in, he was sedated with morphine, and he died.

My sister quickly continued, saying that due to the coronavirus, they aren’t having any funeral or memorial service, and he didn’t want one anyway.

So, I realized that my father had gotten very sick, and no one had called me to let me know.  And, I was told that there was no reason for me to come back to the east coast where everyone was.

There are several reasons why things were handled this way.  A few years after my mother died in 1999, when my father was about 64 years old, he began living with a woman who he had dated in high school.  She had been widowed a few years before my mother died.

My father and his girlfriend lived together for the next twenty years, and they got along pretty well together.  She had two adult sons who were married.  My father had me and my sister, who were not married at the time.

So my father began a new life with another woman, who had had her own family.  My sister, and especially me, were not that big a part of my father’s life anymore, especially since I had moved to Arizona, Idaho, and North Dakota, far away from the east coast.

One of the reasons why I was not called to let me know that my father was very sick, was because I was far away.  Another reason was that I had been absent for a long time.  Another reason was that I was not that big a part of my father’s life anymore, especially in the minds of his new family.  And lastly but most importantly, no one wanted to deal with me.

As far as other people are concerned, in their minds, they had legitimate reasons for handling the situation this way, especially because it was easier for them.  For instance, I might have had an opinion, or questions.

For me, I mostly feel like there is nothing that I can do about it now, and that there is nothing that I could have done.  Still, I think that I would have liked to have been informed so that I could think about and process what was going to happen, and then make decisions about what I should say or do.

In a way, I feel like I was cut out of my father’s life.  I don’t know if this was done to be deliberately hurtful or diminishing to me, or if it was just done out of convenience.  If my father’s partner was too tired and distraught to talk to me while this was happening, which I believe that she probably was, I wish that someone else would have been asked to contact me and let me know what was happening.

The last time that I spoke to my father was two months ago.  I tried to call my father one week ago, but he did not answer his phone.

There are many reasons why I stayed far away from my father and out of his new life.  In order for him to move on, to make changes, to be close with his new partner, to build a new life with her, I stayed away.  I was conscious that I would have been a reminder to both my father and his partner about his previous marriage, his previous family, and his previous life.

I could see myself not always getting along with his new partner, disagreeing with her, and finding out who he was going to be loyal to.  I didn’t want this to happen, I didn’t want there to be any competition for loyalty, trust, or importance.  I knew that ultimately he would be much better off keeping her, than being loyal to his own children who were now grown.

I very, very much regret that I didn’t have a family home to return to.  I so much wanted to just go home.  I wanted to return to my childhood home, just to be back, to think about childhood memories, and see everything again.  But I think that one of the things that was deliberately done, was to first move out of my family’s home, to get my father out of the house where he had lived with his previous family, and then get him to move to an entirely different state.

I know that my father was a consenting and agreeing partner in making the moves that he did, but it got my father further and further out of his old life, and into his new life, which he himself may have wanted.  But for me, my childhood home was gone, I could never return to it.

Visiting my father at his new home in a different state, actually “their” home, would have been the same for me as visiting some old couple that I know in their home.  It wouldn’t be my home, and I wouldn’t even be welcome there for more than a couple of hours, because they were old, didn’t have much energy, and would be burdened as hosts.

This is in contrast to visiting your biological mother and father in the family home that you grew up in, where you could go back to your old room, and probably stay forever without getting kicked out.  There is a big difference between being welcome somewhere for a few hours versus being welcome to stay forever, because they are your parents.

So I never went back, because I didn’t want to cause any problems or be around to cause any problems.  This was like losing a parent, but I knew that this was for the best.  However, I don’t like what feels like re-writing history or dismantling the past, where my father’s previous forty year marriage didn’t happen, didn’t matter, and is irrelevant in comparison to his most recent twenty year relationship.  But the reality is, this is what has happened, my father’s new family is handling everything.

I don’t envy having to arrange and see to the burial of my father after his death, nor handling the legal proceedings of finding and paying all his final debts, legal filings, tax filings, submitting insurance paperwork, and disposing of his personal property, while at the same time becoming choked-up and overwhelmed with memories and emotions.

To me, this feels like a dismantling of my life.  I remember being a very young child, with a mother, father, and sister who were all very optimistic and looking forward to their life ahead.  As we all got older, we had difficulties, struggles, and disappointments.  I saw the demeanor of my mother, father, and sister change as we became older.

There came a point after my sister was divorced, had moved away to Washington D.C., that didn’t work out, she came back home, my mother and father were in bad health, not doing well financially or professionally, then my mother died, and I could kind of tell that this was the beginning of the end, though I had no way to know this for sure at the time.  From that point on, it was all down hill, none of us ever had the same optimism and enthusiasm that we once had.

Since that time, it seems like every single thing has just been being taken away piece by piece.