In my previous blog post, I wrote about Bigfoot Hunter Tim “Coonbo” Baker and his classification of Bigfoot into at least four distinct species. Tim “Coonbo” Baker’s classification system helps to clear up confusion, misunderstandings, and arguments that have existed for over 100 years concerning Bigfoot. I thought, why not do the same thing for Dickinson?
Below I have created a classification system for people in Dickinson. This list is arranged in order from most common, to least common in Dickinson:
- Local Catholics – Most common group of people in Dickinson. Usually of German or Ukranian ancestry. Typically unfriendly, uncooperative, not helpful, hostile, and mean. Adult males are difficult to get along with at work. Adult females usually sneer, scowl, glare, and tend to be overweight. Catholic children in Dickinson can be quite nasty, especially if they go to Trinity School.
- Local Lutherans – Second most common group of people in Dickinson. Usually of Norwegian or Scandinavian ancestry. Typically helpful and friendly. Adult females expect their husbands to rake and mow the lawn, trim the trees and bushes, and clean the cars, house exterior, roof, windows, driveway, and sidewalk. Even though Lutheran women are notorious for their casseroles, the Lutheran men are skinny due to having to work all the time.
- Local Methodists – Not very common in Dickinson. No one knows how they got here. They stay hidden and keep a low profile. If you meet a person who acts normal in Dickinson, they might be a Methodist.
- Local Mormons – Not very common in Dickinson. They might have come from Illinois, Missouri, Idaho, or Utah. Adult males are usually good reliable employees. Adult females stay at home. Young unmarried females are nice and pleasant to a fault. Young unmarried males are annoying.
- Local Non-Denominational and Other Christians – Any individual in this group could have come from anywhere. There is no telling what they will do, so don’t turn you back on them.
- Red-Necks from the South – Much more common in Dickinson from 2008 through 2014 during the oil boom. Not very common in Dickinson now. Adult males tend to be overweight and they like to stare and look at everything to see what it is, whether it is a lawn sprinkler, squirrel, taco truck, any vehicle for sale, etc. Adult females in Dickinson are always “fixin to go to the store”.
- People from Texas – Just as common and annoying now, as they were during the oil boom from 2008 through 2014. Adult males usually drive a Ford F250 4×4, faster and more erratically than necessary, like they would in Dallas or Houston. There is usually something wrong with someone who had to drive all the way from Texas in order to get a job in North Dakota. There are no women from Texas in Dickinson, they won’t come.
- People from Coeur D’Alene – Just about everyone who left Coeur D’Alene, Idaho to come to work in Dickinson, has been or still is involved in illegal drugs. Adult males typically work for companies where there is no drug testing, like small construction companies or dangerous oil field service companies. Adult females typically work where there is no drug testing, mostly in restaurants and hotels. Vehicle license plates from the Coeur D’Alene area of Idaho, begin with the letter “K”. A good rule to remember is, “If it starts with the letter ‘K’, stay away”, whenever you see an Idaho license plate.