I have thought about it, and probably the most important thing that I could tell someone from out of state, is that you have to be extremely careful not to get a DUI in Dickinson, North Dakota.  In fact, if you have come here to make money, you should probably not go to bars in Dickinson at all.  It seems like that must be the intention of the police in Dickinson, they should probably just go ahead and make bars illegal.

Bars have parking spaces for automobiles.  People drive automobiles to bars.  People have a couple of drinks, and get in their cars to drive home.  The police have already seen your car in the parking space at the bar.  Maybe you are driving too fast, too slow, you did not come to a complete stop, you changed lanes without using your signal, you had a headlight out, you had a brake light out, your license plate light was not working, they could not read your license plate, your license plate was expired, you were not wearing your seat belt, something, you are stopped by the police.

You are asked if you have had any alcohol to drink.  If you say yes, I had one beer, you have just given the police officer probable cause to ask you to step out of the vehicle to take a field sobriety test.  At this point in Dickinson you are probably going to be arrested for DUI and are going to jail.  Once you said that you had one beer, you have just given the police the first piece of evidence of guilt for driving under the influence, you have just admitted that you have been drinking.  The field sobriety tests are just additional pieces of evidence to be used against you in court.  You will be placed under arrest for DUI and you will be taken to jail.  At the jail your blood alcohol level will be tested by breathalyzer or blood test.  You will be given the opportunity to post bail.  You will have a court date set.  From what I have been told by people that I have talked to in Dickinson that have been arrested for DUI,  all of the attorneys in town want $3,000 paid in advance to defend you.  If your BAC was below .08, maybe you will be found not guilty.

The law in North Dakota is that you can be convicted of a DUI if your blood alcohol level is greater than .08.  But you have to remember that in North Dakota, you are just a piece-of-shit, out-of-town, oil field trash, piece-of-shit construction worker.  They don’t want or need any piece-of-shit construction worker or oil field worker driving around, trying to rape their women, ruining their town, probably trying to kid nap their children.  Dickinson was nice before you got here.  Make them pay that $3,000 to my cousin the attorney, we got ten of them boys this month, boy we is making some money now, and we ain’t even working on no oil rig.

Hey, I know that you would rather be back home where it is warm, back in your own home with your wife, your kids, your family, your friends.  It would be nice just to be home mowing your own lawn, changing your oil in your driveway.  Here in Dickinson, because you are tired of work, you are lonely, there is nothing else to do, you don’t know anybody in Dickinson, you don’t know anywhere else to go, you go to a bar.  You might only have a few drinks.  You get a DUI on your way home.  You know that you are going to lose your job, you know that you really don’t have an extra $3,000 to throw away. But you have to have the whole North Dakota experience, first you get fucked paying fifty percent of your take home pay for an apartment, then you have to work out in the -20 below freezing weather, there aren’t any women, there isn’t anything to do, now you’ve got a DUI on your record, you are out $3,000 for an attorney, thousands of dollars more in court fines, fees, and the mandatory substance abuse counseling sessions, you have lost your job, and probably your apartment, and probably just about everything you own if you were making payments on a vehicle or anything else.  Hey it’s “Legendary North Dakota”, you come back now, you hear.