Tag Archives: women in North Dakota

Attractive High School Girls In Watford City, North Dakota

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I have complained in many blog posts that there is a shortage of women and lack of attractive women in Watford City, North Dakota. I am kind of puzzled that I am seeing thin, healthy, attractive high school girls in Watford City. I currently have four theories, and I think that #1 and #4 are the most likely.

  1. Possibly, this is the first generation of women in Watford City, where the thin girls didn’t die or blow away in the wind. There aren’t many outhouses anymore, and the thin girls can go to the bathroom inside, and they don’t die of pneumonia.
  2. The families in Watford City eat their fat children. They don’t waste their time trying to eat their skinny daughters.
  3. After graduating from high school, they make their daughters over-eat all summer long. Then, at the end of the summer, they hit them in the face with a board.
  4. After high school graduation, the thin pretty girls move to Miami, Los Vegas, San Diego, or Orlando, and the unattractive girls remain here in Watford City.

Guide To Elfin Women

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In my previous blog post, I wrote about seeing an Elfin woman on Wednesday, and two young Elfin women on Thursday in Watford City. This hardly ever happens, anywhere. However, there were contributing factors to this, it is warmer, the ground is thawing out, many many oil field workers have left the area and it is safer for them to come out, and I think that the Elfin women like Taco Johns.

I thought that I would write a brief Guide To Elfin Women.

Elfin women are not really the same species as humans. However, you can get them pregnant. If you do, they will be very upset, and blame you for it entirely, and there is no telling what else they will do.

You are likely to see only one or two Elfin women in a year. If you happen to find out, or see where an Elfin woman lives, it is bad luck. You are unlikely to ever see one working, because they don’t usually have jobs.

If you do know where an Elfin woman is, you can place an unopened bag of either Hershey’s Kisses or an unopened bag of Hershey’s miniature candy bars in front of her, and say, “Here.”, look at her, and walk away. She will examine the bag, and decide if she would like to eat one later. She may throw the bag away without opening it, but that is O.K., she knows that you like her. Don’t try to give an Elfin woman anything else, other than the two specific items that I just described, or it will upset them. You have to wait at least six weeks before you can give them chocolate again, or it will upset them.

You can send an Elfin woman a card, or write her a letter, but don’t send more than three per month, or it will upset them. You can say once that you like them in each card or letter, but don’t say that you love them. In a letter, it is best to write about your involvement or relationships with other creatures. For instance, you could write that you like to play banjo for fish in a pond, or write that you are teaching your cat to ride a bike. Don’t write about harming animals or people, so don’t write about hunting, fishing, or sports. They will not write you back, acknowledge that they received any of your letters, and they may not read your letters, but it counts in their mind that you took the time to write to them.

Elfin women don’t date anyone. They see you coming way before you see them, and they can disappear, so the fact that they are even still present when you arrive where you think they might be, is an indication that they like you. To them, not hiding from you, is what you might think of as a date.

Elfin women are averse to typical human relationships. They do not want to have children, they do not want to work, they do not like to work, they do not want to be on a schedule, they do not like to be asked a lot of questions, they do not like to be bothered. They do like some of the physical characteristics of men. They like men that are handsome or cute, who make things or build things that they like.

If an Elfin woman trusts you more and more, she may go places with you. Like human women, they like to go places that have nice big clean bathrooms, and tile. They like to ride in big trucks, fast cars, luxury cars, good looking cars, but not beater cars or ugly cars.

Elfin women do not like to be kissed or handled in public. If they have gotten to the point where they trust you, when no one is around, you can hold on to their pants belt loop and kiss them, but you have to have a hold of them before you try to kiss them because they will try to get away.

Living A Life That You Don’t Want In North Dakota

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At the apartment where I live in Watford City, I have gotten to know some of my neighbors. In the parking lot, the license plates read: Florida, Idaho, Montana, Oregon, Washington, Wyoming,Texas. I know that these people don’t want to be here, I don’t want to be here.

I am in my late 40s now, and in Watford City, I often say to myself, “Where has my life gone?”. I am not senile yet, I know how I got here. It all started with me wanting to try to live a happier and better life. I had graduated from a university with a degree in engineering. I had lived in a large city and worked my way up, earning more and more money.  I had saved up enough money to not have to work for three years, I hated the city, and I wanted to move.

I did not want to live in Alabama, Georgia, Louisiana, Tennessee, Kentucky, or Mississippi, because I thought of those states as being “ignorant and backwards”. Every one of those states looks like paradise to me right now. I messed up, I messed up. There was no one telling me and explaining to me that that is my culture, that is where you belong, you won’t fit in or be happy anyplace else. Most of this blog consists of me trying to figure out why the people in North Dakota are so unfriendly, inhospitable, unhelpful, uncooperative, and why the women try to look and act unattractive. Rather than me having to explain it in blog post after blog post, somebody from the South my age would just say, “Well, yeah.”, meaning, you’re not telling us anything we didn’t already know.

When I moved, I moved out West. Some small towns in Colorado were O.K., but there was no place to work. Colorado Springs was too much like the Rat Race that I had left. I lived in some small towns in Arizona, enjoyed them very much, but few places to work. Did not like Phoenix. Lived a few places in Idaho, was ready to settle down, and did. The Mormons in Idaho have a preference for Mormons, and they made it seem to me like I had made a mistake in moving there. I wished that I would have tried living in Montana and Wyoming.

Looking back at my life, it wasn’t a mistake for me to ty to live out West. It seems that I spent too much time in Idaho, when I wonder where the years went, they’re there, wasted amongst the Mormons. The bad economy in Idaho, caused me to go to work in North Dakota. For the past four years, whether in Dickinson, Utah, Texas, or Watford City, it has been small oil field towns where it is hard to find a place to stay or a place to eat. I can’t believe my life has turned out like this.

It is kind of like finding yourself in prison. You do things during the day. You go to eat. You read the newspaper. You watch TV. You read your mail. You exercise. You take a shower. But you’re not going anywhere, you’re not getting out. The people around you are mostly a reminder of your confinement. In Watford City, like prison, you can only dream about the life you once had: Waking up to a warm clear sky, looking out at harbor full of boats, people of different nationalities chattering while walking to the store, red and yellow hibiscus flowers, fig trees, sea grapes, palms, walking to a white sand beach, dogs playing, everyone smiling, everyone happy…. Here in Watford City, the best thing you have is the CENEX Gas Station: Waking up to the sound of trucks idling, the smell of diesel in the air, dirty oil field workers in a hurry to get to a location in order to smash their hand…

Somebody, please go ahead write the comment, “Well if you don’t like it, you can leave!”