In this blog post I will explain why the proposed Rough Riders Strip Club in the Prairie Hills Mall in Dickinson, North Dakota is a good idea.
From approximately 2011 through 2018, Dickinson State University administrators, professors, local business people, city government representatives, developers, and architects worked on plans and fundraising to construct the Theodore Roosevelt Presidential Library and Museum in Dickinson, North Dakota. For those of you who don’t know, before Theodore Roosevelt became President of the United States in 1901, he spent several years in the 1890s living on a cattle ranch not far from Dickinson.
The Theodore Roosevelt Presidential Library and Museum was something that was going to be a permanent attraction in Dickinson, and something that would help to fill the void that was left when so many oil field workers moved away after the boom ended in 2014. Unfortunately, important and influential people from elsewhere, steered the Theodore Roosevelt Presidential Library and Museum away from Dickinson, to the town of Medora forty miles to the west.
Before he became President, Theodore Roosevelt was known for leading the first voluntary U.S. Cavalry Regiment in the Spanish-American War in Cuba, called the “Rough Riders”. Hence, many things in this area are named “Rough Riders Hotel” or “Rough Riders Saloon”, in remembrance of the time that Theodore Roosevelt spent here.
Though Dickinson may not be able to have the Theodore Roosevelt Presidential Library and Museum, it can have the biggest and best strip club in North Dakota, called the “Rough Riders Strip Club”.
In 2018, the Prairie Hills Mall in Dickinson experienced the closing of its three largest stores, JC Penny, Herbergers, and Odyssey Theaters. There are several important reasons why the Rough Riders Strip Club should be located in the Prairie Hills Mall, besides being able to occupy the vacant space left by Herbergers or the Odyssey Theaters.
The Prairie Hills Mall is located centrally in downtown Dickinson, just north of Interstate 94, and beside Highway 22. It is surrounded by approximately sixteen restaurants and ten hotels. Because the Prairie Hills Mall is surrounded by about fifteen acres of paved parking lot, this parking lot is large enough to accommodate nearly two hundred tractor trucks & trailers in addition to normal vehicles.
Due to the location of the Prairie Hills Mall in Dickinson at the intersection of I-94 and Hwy 22, and because Dickinson is the nearest large town for one hundred miles in any direction, it is a natural convenient stopping place for commercial truck drivers. With easy parking and easy access to a large modern strip club, which would soon become famous, and access to sixteen restaurants and ten hotels, this would become the busiest town in North Dakota.
It wouldn’t just be the commercial truck drivers who would get off the interstate in Dickinson, with the attention and publicity, everyone would want to stop to see what was going on in Dickinson.
Who is going to work there you may ask? If you have read very many of my other blog posts, you might have seen that I often complain about there being a shortage of attractive women in Dickinson, and that most of the women in Dickinson are unfriendly. Yes, that is true. However, looking on Facebook, in this area, if you just look up the women with the last name of “Zastoupil” or “Miller”, there you will find enough attractive women with O.K. personalities to fill most of the dancer positions. There are enough DSU girls to fill in for the Zastoupil and Miller women on their days off.
DSU girls can work some of the bar positions. Dickinson High School girls and Trinity High School girls can work the waitress positions. There are a few nice looking housewives in Dickinson that can work as hostesses, cashiers, or fill-in for the dancers on short notice.
What about the rest of the women in Dickinson, how about them? I have envisioned a special opportunity for most of the other women in Dickinson, unlike anything else in North Dakota. The other women will be known as “The Heidi Heitkamp Girls” or the “Heidi Girls” for short.
The Heidi Girls can wear red hair wigs, and they can all be called “Heidi”. Now get ready for this, whenever a truck driver parks, a Heidi girl will trot over, pulling a rickshaw! That’s right, pulling a rickshaw, just like the ones in China and Vietnam, except for these will probably have rubber car tires.
For free, the Heidi Girl will transport any truck driver in her rickshaw in between the strip club and his tractor truck. However, if the truck driver wants to be taken to Taco Bell, Bernie’s Esquire Club, or a hotel, an extra charge will apply.
Now, if the owner of the Prairie Hills Mall is concerned about the running of the Rough Riders Strip Club, the long-time manager of the Mall, Peggy O’Brien, she can manage the strip club too, and also fill-in.