In these very last days of my life, living in Dickinson, I had become resigned to the fact that I would likely experience nothing but the Jack-O’-Lantern women of North Dakota for the remainder of the time that I have left. Hideous, menacing, monsters.
I am trying to withdraw from, ignore, and pay no attention to the ugliness that actually surrounds me, and create my own imaginary World, probably like people who are incarcerated for life in prison, with no hope of ever getting out. The same as living in Dickinson, North Dakota.
On the internet, sometimes I look at the website Chaturbate.com, which shows hundreds of live nude cam models. I look at the screenshot of what each model is doing, and I pick the one that seems interesting or attractive. Some of the most interesting models, they don’t undress at all, they are entertaining enough to be good company, one of them is named “Nura” a.k.a. 8a8y’s https://chaturbate.com/8a8y/ .
But Nura is not always on, and she never takes all of her clothes off. For me, the model which takes her clothes off, and shows what she looks like all over, without fake acting or being difficult, is JennyCutey https://chaturbate.com/jennycutey/ . JennyCutey never complains or acts difficult, she has a very easy-going pleasant disposition.
But sometimes neither Nura nor JennyCutey is on, so what now? Most of the other Chaturbate models have chosen to put on some kind of act, rather than be themselves, and their poor, unconvincing acting, comes across as phony, fake, and irritating.
Instead, I have started watching Hannah Lee Duggan sewing videos. The reason why, is that Hannah is attractive, she has a likable disposition, she shows intelligence, creativity, and ingenuity, the clothes that she makes turn out well, and she models these clothes:
I enjoy watching Hannah so much, the steps that she takes to make her own clothes, and her clothes turn out so well with her modelling them, that I can easily watch the entire twenty minute sewing video.
The first time that I had watched a Hannah Lee Duggan sewing video, I thought that she was possibly an introverted hillbilly nut-case, with the denim overalls that she was wearing, her large eyeglasses, and the fact that she was making clothes out of curtains that she had bought at a thrift store. I read or saw that she lived in Minnesota, and I thought, that figures.
I would have been much happier if I had continued to believe that she was an introverted, nutty, country mouse, that way in my mind I would have had a chance of tricking her, taking advantage of her, or seducing her, but no such luck.
Here is a short biography that she gives of herself https://www.hannahleeduggan.com/about-me
“I’m currently living in a van.
If you couldn’t tell by that, I’m a bit of a nomad. To get a feel for who I am and how I got here this is a spark-notes, wild ride of a time that has been my life up to now;
When I turned 18 in 2012, I hopped on a cruise ship working as a stewardess, where I got to sail around the New England Islands, the Hudson River, and the Florida Coast. 95 hour work weeks, dead tired all the time, and probably have back aches that will last the rest of my life from this, but met some great people and learned a lot about working hard and still somehow finding the time to enjoy where you are.
I then moved to Oakland, CA (for literally no reason, other than I had a friend that had space for a roommate on the fold out couch.) Worked a bit, played a bit. Made a day trip to Los Angeles and decided to move there after six months of living in Northern California.
Lived in downtown LA (two blocks from Skid Row, (3/10 only recommend if you’re looking for character growth or are as broke as I was) where I picked up modeling jobs and did background acting (catch me in Grey’s Anatomy S12:E4 for about a millisecond). Managed to find the time – and money?? to get to Europe and travel around for a month (but apparently not enough for a diff apartment). Started in Paris, met a friend in a small town 20 miles outside of Rome, hitchhiked with some Canadian guys up through Venice, and got dropped in Zurich – which is increDIBLY expensive by the way – then slept on a friend’s dorm room floor for a week in England before returning to Paris, coming down with a 103F fever, and heading back to LA with $6 in my bank account.
When I could no longer afford LA (who can?) I moved home and enrolled at the University of Minnesota, going in and out every other semester, traveling, working and paying off debts in between classes. Still, to this day my academic advisor doesn’t know what to do with me.
Between semesters (and sometimes mid-semester) I traveled to Hawaii, road tripped from New York to LA, spent two weeks in Costa Rica, danced around Colombia, and last minute tripped to Ireland and London. Most of these trips were spent in hostels/alone/with barely any money.
Summer of 2017 I was sent to Hong Kong on a three month modeling contract. I knew no-one, lived in a flat the size of a bread box, and sweat my butt off in the humidity. The first week I spent alone and miserable, missing home like crazy. By the end of the second week I’d met a million new people, been to clubs until 7am, spent the day on a yacht and found some gorgeous waterfall hikes. By the end of the three months I didn’t want to leave, I’d met so many good friends, and had so many incredible experiences. Hong Kong felt like home.
By January 3rd, 2018 I was on my way back to Hong Kong, this time with my sister in tow. We spent about a week there, getting into all sorts of mischief, before heading to Sri Lanka for a little under a month, and then to Egypt, where we met some really lovely people and went diving in the Red Sea.
Got back from the trip itching to leave again, this time with no ties to Minnesota, where it’s so easy to fall into a comfort zone with family and friends and familiar places.
April 26, 2018, after hours and days scrolling Craigslist, I drove an hour out of the cities, to Litchfield, MN to buy my 2001 Ford Econoline Van. I sold most of my things, and put the rest in storage, meanwhile working and sweating and cursing at this van as I hacked my way through gutting it, insulating it, putting walls up, and trying to figure out how to get electric working.
So here I am now, living in a van, and answering everyone’s questions about where I go to the bathroom or take a shower, you know, the normal questions.”
I am less happy knowing the truth about who she actually is. But I still do not think that I have the complete picture. Because of what I have seen in some of her other YouTube videos that she makes, I am suspicious, there is something else going on that I don’t know. I will try to find out.