Evaluation Of Using Police Monkeys In Lieu Of Police Dogs In Dickinson, North Dakota

Yesterday I was watching some YouTube videos that showed suspects successfully escaping from Police Officers on foot.  Here is the last fifty-five seconds from one of these videos:

Despite there being at least four Police Officers present in the above video, even after the suspect was shot with a taser, he was still able to outrun these Police Officers and escape.

I wrote in the comment section of the above video, that I bet this suspect could not outrun a German Shepherd Police Dog.  But the Police would probably be accused of racial insensitivity if they released a Police Dog on this suspect, partly because of the mental picture being conjured in some people’s minds of Police Dogs attacking Black Civil Rights marchers in the 1960s.

However, it would be more difficult for people to cry racism if the Police had released a Police Monkey on this suspect, because no one even knows what this would look like, or what would happen.  Currently, most people only have amusing thoughts and mental images about monkeys, but monkeys can be even more fierce and formidable than dogs.  Not only can monkeys bite, with teeth that are sometimes larger than dog’s teeth, but they can grab hold of you with their hands, and they are incredibly strong.

I realized right away that Gorillas, Baboons, and Chimpanzees would not be suitable for use as Police Monkeys, because they are too big, too strong, and too uncontrollable when they become enraged.  Each of these three monkeys could pull suspects apart by their limbs and kill them in a matter of seconds in a fit of rage.

I spent about an hour watching YouTube videos that showed every kind of monkey that exists in the World, and the Macaque variety appears to be about the next largest size down from Gorillas, Baboons, and Chimpanzees.  When I looked closer at the different kinds of Macaque monkeys, I didn’t see any that were large enough, and I found that what I really had in mind all along was not a monkey, but a Gibbon Ape.

Here is a video of a baby Gibbon Ape.  Keep in mind that he is less than half of his full grown size.  I chose this video because it shows the agility of a Gibbon Ape, and their ability to be integrated with humans:

Here is a second video of Gibbon Apes, that shows their size when full grown, their clean appearance, and their ability to walk around upright:

From these two YouTube videos, you can see some possible advantages of using Police Gibbon Apes instead of Police Dogs.  They have climbing ability that exceeds that of Police Officers and Police Dogs, that could be useful in urban environments when pursuing suspects.

It is not ever talked about, but one of the reasons why Police Dogs are sometimes used on non-compliant offenders, is because Police Dogs immediately go to work on offenders using a high degree of bite force, but unlike Police Officers, Police Dogs can not be charged either criminally or civilly for use of excessive force, discrimination, or racism.

With Police Gibbon Apes, non-compliant offenders would not be able to bring criminal or civil charges against the Police Gibbon Ape for use of excessive force, discrimination, or racism.  There is currently no stigma in the minds of the public for releasing a Police Monkey on someone.

For reference, the next largest size up from the Gibbon Ape which has similar characteristics, is the Orangutan, which is credited as being the most intelligent of all primates, though it is ugly in my opinion.  I don’t know how well Gibbon Apes or Orangutans would adjust to the cold winter weather in Dickinson.

Here is the only video that I could find so far of a Police Monkey on duty:

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