Tag Archives: life after death in Dickinson North Dakota

My Family’s Thoughts On Life, Death, And Dying

In my two previous blog post articles there is more complete background information on why I am writing about my family’s thoughts on life, death, and dying.

Several months ago I became aware that I was probably not going to live much longer.  I discussed this with my father and a couple of my friends, who each urged me to seek medical treatment and surgery.  I told them that I had already made up my mind that I would rather just go ahead and die, than seek medical care in North Dakota, which would be worse than dying.

The only reason why I told my father and a couple of my friends in North Dakota that I was dying, was so that I could go over with each of them that I was bequeathing my vehicles, trailers, motorcycles, equipment, firearms, and computers to my friends here in North Dakota so that neither my father, my sister, nor anyone else would have to travel to North Dakota to handle any of this.  I wrote this out as an addendum to my Last Will and I gave it to each of my friends here in North Dakota so that they would each know what to take and have this in writing when I died.  (I was trying to make this as easy as possible for everyone.)

In April, two months ago, my father died.  When my older sister called me to tell me that my father had just died, my sister told me that she had stage four cancer and her doctors had told her that she was going to live for only a few more months.   I told my sister that I was expecting to die pretty soon also.

In the following days and weeks, on some days my sister and I talked on the phone a couple of times per day regarding the settling of the estate of my father.  My father who had been an attorney for more than forty years, very experienced in estate planning, had made an effort for my sister and I to be able to receive his property as soon as possible.  But still, there were problems, mistakes, and hold-ups that my father had not been able to anticipate.

My sister was in a greater hurry to receive her half of my father’s investments and savings than I was, because she was planning on leaving the U.S. in order to receive cancer medications and treatments that were not yet available here in the U.S., she had been told by her doctors that she only had a few more months to live.

Me, I wanted to immediately get out of the low-rent, downtown apartment building in Dickinson where I had been living for the past three years.  When I received a check in the mail about a month after my father died, within a few days I was moving into the house which I bought with this money.

My sister and I had been so stressed and anxious about the handling of the estate of my father, that this is what was in the forefront of our minds for several weeks, everything else seemed secondary and inconsequential.  The daily fuck-ups were torture for me, such as the financial advisor of my father having the mailing address for me to receive my check as “Dickinson, North Carolina”, because someone is a stupid cunt!

Sorry you can’t move out of the ghetto apartment building where you’re living, we sent the check to Dickinson, North Carolina per your instructions.  Sorry, there is nothing we can do about it.  Looks like that check has been cashed, oh well, not our problem.  This stresses me out still, that’s one way to lose your inheritance.

As for my sister, who was in a greater hurry to receive her inheritance so that she could get cancer treatment that might save her life, the financial advisor of my father at one point early on was telling us, “Your father had invested in Collateralized Mortgage Obligation bonds.  We have to put these out for bid, now is not a good time to sell these. At this time we expect to only be able to get 70% of their market value.  These will be difficult to sell, this could take some time.  We have to sell everything before we can issue you a check.”

My sister had worked as a legal secretary for my father for a couple of years.  My sister and I had seen and experienced the handling of a deceased person’s estate before.  My sister pointed out to me that the problems we experienced were mild in comparison to what sometimes happens.

Immediately after my father’s death, it seemed like there were only a few other things that my sister and I talked about besides the daily revelations from my father’s financial advisor, such as some CMO bonds now being in default, and “We don’t want to keep your account with us.  We only advise high net-worth clients.”  My father had been told, expected, and intended that his financial advisor would act on behalf of my sister and I, just as it had for him, but this was far from true.  ( My father believed that he had set everything up for this to be as easy as possible for my sister and I, but he hadn’t known how this financial advisor would act toward us after his death.)

A few of the things that I said to my sister immediately following my father’s death, was that I didn’t know why my father had moved into an Assisted Living Facility, this hadn’t been good for him.  A year ago my father had begun telling me that neither he nor his girlfriend “Bobbi” had any desire to go down to the Assisted Living Facility dining hall because they didn’t want to meet anyone or talk to anyone.

I said to my sister that I thought that my father had become depressed from listening to the other residents talk about their health problems or witnessing their health failing.  My sister told me that it was the other way around, that most of the residents in the Assisted Living Facility were in much better health and were more active than my father.

I said a few things about my father’s friends, and I asked my sister a few questions about my father’s friends.  My sister had some of the same feelings and thoughts about my father’s friends and acquaintances.  This brought up some discussion about my mother and father’s relationship.  In general, my sister and I couldn’t believe how my mother, father, and their friends had behaved in comparison to how people live and act now days.

My sister asked me how I was doing, and what I was doing.  Once she heard me tell what it was like living in Dickinson, North Dakota, she asked me why do I continue to live here.  I explained to my sister that because there is nowhere to go and nothing to do in North Dakota, and no women, that I had been forced to think and examine everything in life for hours each day, for days, weeks, and months for the past seven years.  I said to my sister that I couldn’t think of anywhere else that I could have been, that would have allowed or caused me to do this.

My sister seemed to appreciate that I personally felt that it was very worthwhile for me to have had this chance to thoroughly examine and contemplate my life, but she couldn’t understand why I remained here in Dickinson with the kind of people that I described.

My sister told me that I seemed to have a lot of hate and anger, and why did I want to fight with these people here, what is the point, what do I expect to accomplish?  I explained what I hoped to accomplish.  My sister said so you think that this is your purpose?  Yes.

My sister explained to me that since first being diagnosed with breast cancer five years ago, that she has tried to not have negative energy and negative thoughts, but instead to have positive energy and positive thoughts.  Now that her cancer has returned and spread, as part of her holistic/alternative healing strategy, she is trying to think only positive thoughts, have positive energy, attend prayer healing meetings, and spend time in prayer to God and Jesus.

This wasn’t a shock to hear my sisters say this, but it was surprising.  I never knew my sister to have an interest in God and Jesus, when did this happen?  I thought that my sister just went ahead and did whatever she wanted to do in the past.

After my sister and I received our inheritance checks, we went ahead and did whatever it was that each of us had planned to do.  We didn’t talk to each other for about a week.  It was at about the end of this week, that I thought that I would try to tell or explain some things to my sister.

I explained to my sister that up until I was about 48 years old, I had had a belief and faith in the God that was described in the Bible.  But in the past three years I had come to the conclusion that Christianity, the Judeo-Christian monotheistic religions, did not adequately explain what is actually occurring in life.  The Judeo-Christian religions may give many people hope, a sense of security, peace, and order to their lives, but I don’t think that this is really what is going on at all.

I said to my sister, and I asked my sister, hasn’t it occurred to you that Reincarnation is a more likely explanation to why we are here, what we are supposed to be doing, and what is going to happen to us?  My sister said yes.

Some of the things that I said to my sister, were things like:  “Some people are born with everything going against them, they are born into poverty, with one or no parents, bad health, with deformity, no talent, low intelligence, and they live a life of pain, suffering, and misery.  Whereas other people are born into a life of privilege, with a loving family, good health, talent, physical beauty, intelligence, wealth, abundance, and they experience nothing but good things in life.  If we each only get one life, how could this ever be fair, just, right, or equitable?  How could a God preside over this and cause this to happen?”

In order to try to get through to my sister the quickest and best way, I asked my sister if she had ever seen, heard of, or watched Dolores Cannon videos.  My sister said that she had not.  I described to my sister that Dolores Cannon had left school when she was about sixteen years old, she married when she was about twenty, and she became a busy mother and wife to an enlisted career military man.

When Dolores Cannon and her husband were in their late thirties or early forties back in the 1960s and living on a military base, she and her husband had began practicing hypnosis in order to quit smoking and lose weight.  A military base medical doctor asked Dolores and her husband if they would please try to help one of the base wives who was struggling with depression, anxiety, being overweight, and other problems.

When Dolores and her husband hypnotized this woman, they were not sure what was happening, but they audio recorded what was happening and they took notes.  They began to realize that this woman was talking about Past Lives.  This woman had had very little education, she was plain, ordinary, untraveled, but she began to talk about and explain extraordinary things and experiences.

This happened to Dolores Cannon and her husband before anyone knew about “Past Life Regression”.  Over the next forty years, Dolores continued to work with hypnosis, she hypnotized thousands of people, recorded these hypnosis sessions, made detailed notes, studied, researched, and then wrote maybe a dozen books and lectured for fifteen years or more on this subject.

I thought that Dolores Cannon would appeal to my sister, because Dolores was a plump, plain, ordinary looking older woman, who wore polyester suits, and was very uninterested in fame, wealth, attention, or being a celebrity.  She had no interest or motive in making all of this up.

The main things that I wanted to tell my sister that Dolores Cannon learned were:  Before we are born, we exist as a soul, with a more complete knowledge, understanding, and awareness.  We have lived many lives before.  In this soul realm or dimension, we meet with our spirit guides and elders, and together we decide and agree on what we need to experience and learn.

We agree to be incarnated on this Earth at a particular time, place, and circumstances, in order for us to have the opportunity to learn certain things and experience certain things.  But remember, as a soul with more complete knowledge, understanding, and awareness, we planned and agreed to go through this particular physical experience on Earth.

An important thing to remember or understand, is that once we get here on Earth, we are free to do whatever it is that we want to do, there are no restrictions or prohibitions.  “Life is our own play.  We write the script and the plot.  We are the main character in our own play.  Other people are just characters in our play.”

I wanted to make my sister understand that we can do absolutely whatever it is that we want to do or decide to do, there is no restriction.  My sister tried to argue with me that we are limited by our circumstances of course, but I tried to explain to my sister, no, absolutely not, you are free to write the script and the plot of your play however you want.

I tried to explain this to my sister another way, there was a Native American medicine man/shaman named Red Elk who also explained, “Life is like a play that is your own play.  You can write the script and plot however you choose.  Other people are just characters in your play.  In traditional Native American belief, your dream life is what is real, and your waking life is make-believe.”

What Red Elk was trying to explain, is that when you dream, you are unbound by time, space, likelihood, or probability, you often find yourself floating or flying, or doing things that you can’t do.  Believe it or not, this dream world is real, we are actually not bound by time and space, any physical restrictions, laws, or propriety, we are actually souls that have existed for a long time.  Here in this “real world” this is just a short, make-believe play, that we made up for ourselves, this is far from real or permanent.

I explained this to my sister so that she would know that physical death is just the end to this short, temporary play that we are in.  After death, as a soul in the spirit realm or dimension, where we have more complete knowledge, awareness, and understanding, we go through a very thorough life review with our spirit guides and elders to look at everything that we did in this life, what were the consequences, how did we make other people feel.

I explained to my sister that as a soul we have the opportunity to choose to go back to any time in the past, or any time in the future, in reality or actuality, everything is happening Now, there is not really time as we know it here on Earth.

When we go back to a particular time in history to be incarnated, in that life we could affect enough events at that time through our actions that we change things, significantly.  We create a whole new timeline.  If, the seven or eight billion people living on Earth currently have souls, when these seven or eight billion people die, have their own life review, and choose to be reincarnated at some particular time in history, are they going to affect that timeline enough to create a whole new timeline?  Yes.

This is why you have to understand that your life, is your own play, where you can choose to do anything that you want to do.  You are probably going to create a whole new timeline by your actions.  This timeline that you create is going to be one among more than trillions of timelines.  So, is this life real, or is it just a play that you create?

After thinking about what I said for maybe a few hours or a day, my sister looked up Dolores Cannon, read about her, what she taught, and she began watching her lectures.  My sister believed that what Dolores Cannon said was probably true.

My sister searched for one of Dolores Cannon’s students, and arranged to meet her for a hypnosis session because one of the things that Dolores Cannon taught was that you can connect with your soul in this lifetime, and reach an agreement or understanding with your soul that under some conditions you can be healed and not die yet.

In a future blog post article I will tell how my sister’s hypnosis session went where her soul said that she will be sick for another six months, then she will be O.K., and not die yet.

My Sister May Die Soon And What This Means

Two months ago, the second week of April, my older sister telephoned me to tell me that my father had just died.  If you go back and read the blog post article that I wrote about this, I said that I hadn’t seen or spoken to my sister since 2001.  That’s not completely true, I may have spoken to her less than half a dozen times in the past nineteen years.

I tried to stay away from my father and his girlfriend for the past twenty years after my mother died, because my father’s life changed completely, he started a whole new life.  One of the most upsetting things to me about my father starting a whole new life, is that he soon moved out of what had been our family home.  And then he moved to an entirely different state in order to be closer to his girlfriend’s family.

My mother was gone, my family home was gone, my father started a new life, and it was almost as if my life didn’t happen.  I remember vividly the several boxes of hundreds of family photographs that we had, me and my sister when we were little, me and my sister with our various family pets, family vacation photos, elementary school photos, photos of my parents when they were young, these are all gone.

At this time, I am not going to make any direct accusations, but getting rid of all of our hundreds of family photos, was one of the worst and most heartless things that anyone has ever done to me.  Now that I am fifty years old, and both of my parents are gone, I would like to see these family photos from fifty years ago, forty-five years ago, forty years ago, when my family was young.

There are three things going on as far as all the photographs being gone.  First, it was desirable for someone to wipe out the record of my father’s more than forty year relationship with my mother, their life together, everything that they did together, and their children.  Two, it made someone uncomfortable having this reminder/documentation around.  Three, it was cruel and diminishing to discard the records and memories of other peoples’ lives, though the act itself was quick, easy, and convenient.  It’s time to get rid of all this old garbage that’s taking up space, no one wants, and no one cares about.   Wait!!!

I have written before, that I don’t feel like I am fifty years old, I feel like I am about eight years old, and that my life has just begun.  Everything just happened a minute ago.  My memories from walking around as a three year old, being in elementary school, being in high school, being in college, it’s like all these things happened just the other day.

I am explaining this because yes, I would like to have many of these old photographs to look at, to realize and marvel at how much time has passed, but then again, I feel like everything just happened a minute ago, or just the other day.

This is also why I didn’t feel so bad about staying away from my father for the past twenty years, I remember everything that happened in our life like it was just the other day.  Going to visit my father and his girlfriend in their subsequent homes would have been like going to visit strangers, only much, much worse.  I will explain the difficulty like this, I have these memories about my life like everything happened just the other day, and now here are these two old people who don’t know anything about it.

Similarly, one of the reasons why I didn’t talk to my older sister very much over the past twenty years, is that she remembers many things about our life completely differently than I remember.  I didn’t want the pain or irritation of having to argue with my sister about what really happened, and explain to her emphatically all the reasons why things happened the way I remember.

Since my sister was in her mid to late twenties, she has been going to therapists.  In talking to my sister when she was in her thirties, I began to hear from her that she was struggling with guilt, anxiety, and apprehension about things in the present and events in the past.  It was very apparent to me, that my sister was dwelling on events and situations that were not very significant, and completely absolutely ignoring and failing to remember events that were very awful.

I didn’t know if my sister’s therapists were listening to her describe memories and events freely, then asking her to stop and repeat what she just said, focus on what she just described, and telling her that that is where her problems were stemming from, when in fact this was actually a minor insignificant event.  Was this why my sister was misremembering our life, because she was being redirected by therapists, or was my sister just practicing her own selective memory and shielding herself?

So in April my sister called me to tell me that my father had just died, and in the course of our conversation to understand what had happened, my sister told me that she has stage four cancer and was told by her doctor that she will only live for a few more months.

My sister explained to me that five years ago she had been diagnosed with breast cancer.  She had chemotherapy and treatment back then and the cancer appeared to have gone away.  But now the cancer is back, it has spread to other organs, they did not catch it in time, and the doctors believe that this will be fatal within a few months.

My sister is fifty-five years old today.  My mother died of cancer which she did not tell anyone she had, when she was sixty-four years old.  My mother’s best friend Gloria, who was my sister’s mother-in-law, she died of cancer when she was about sixty-four years old.  My mother’s other two best friends, Jean and Martha-Anne, which my sister knew very well, they both died of cancer.

So how did I respond to my sister?  I told her that I was about to die also.  I explained to my sister that a couple of months before my father died, I went over with him that I had made an addendum to my Last Will where I bequeathed my vehicles, trailers, equipment, firearms, and personal belongings that were located here in Dickinson, to several people in Dickinson in order to spare my family members from having to deal with these things here.

My father tried to urge me to go get medical care and surgery, and I explained to him for about the sixth time, that in other states that might be possible, but in North Dakota there is no competent medical care, only hideous, nasty, mean, battle-axe women medical staff, and know-nothing doctors, and that I would rather just go ahead and die than have a torturous death at their hands.

At the time, I didn’t know that my father and sister were just as close or closer to death than me.  Apparently my father and I had each accepted that we were probably going to die soon, whereas my sister doesn’t want to die yet.  I had asked my father a couple of years ago, and a year ago if he wasn’t having some very bad health problems, because he seemed like he was.  My father denied to me that he was having severe health problems, probably to not cause me to worry, and it was just easier for him to proceed that way.

This blog post article is kind of meant to be preliminary background information before I write about my, my sister’s, and my father’s concluding thoughts about life, death, and dying.