I have gotten into or nearly gotten into more trouble at the Paragon Bowling Alley & Diner in Dickinson, North Dakota than the sum total of everywhere else I have ever been in my entire life.

There are only two reasons now why I ever go to the Paragon Bowling Alley & Diner: if one of my friends is there, or if it is Prime Rib night on Saturday.

This Saturday I spent working on one of my vehicles at my friend’s house, and going to Mac’s Tool, Tractor Supply, and Menards to get parts.  Once it got dark at about 5:30 p.m., I couldn’t see what I was doing anymore, so I called it quits for the day.  I was hungry, and I was planning on going to the drive-thru of a fast food restaurant on the way home, when I realized that it was Saturday, and it was Prime Rib night at the Paragon.

I decided that I would drive by the Paragon, and if one of my friends was there, I would eat there.  I didn’t see any of my friends’ vehicles in the parking lot, but I parked my vehicle, and I went inside to see who was in the diner.  There were not very many people eating in the diner, it was not crowded, maybe a total of ten people at three different tables, so I thought that I would eat here.

I sat at the counter in order to not take up a table in case other groups of people came to eat.  The Prime Rib dinner at the Paragon on Saturday night is $16.95, and it comes with a baked potato, and your choice of soup, or a bowl of lettuce.

John Mueller who is in his late fifties, is the manager of the Paragon Bowling Alley & Diner, which was established by his father, Dick Mueller, in the 1960s or 1970s.  John’s mother Bernice, who is in her eighties, still works in the diner sometimes.

If you ever watched the television show “Fantasy Island” in the 1970s, where all of the guests were greeted by the character “Mr. Roarke”, who always wore a white three-piece suit, John Mueller is kind of like Mr. Roarke, in a way.  You see, just as Mr. Roarke planned out an elaborate fantasy for each one of his guests, John Mueller hires your fantasy waitresses, if your fantasy happens to be being waited on by drug addict women from Couer D’Alene, Seattle, or Spokane, or women from the county jail, or women from prison, or the latest fantasy, female Ape Creatures.

When I went to the Paragon on Thursday morning this week to see a friend of mine, and when I went to the Paragon this Saturday night, I saw that John Mueller has hired a whole entire clan of Ape Creatures.  On Thursday morning, one of the big female Ape Creatures who weighed about 300 lbs, she had orange hair, and she was fairly well trained, as she could do most things, but in a blunt kind of way.

On this Saturday night, there was a different 300 lb female Ape Creature with very short light colored hair waitressing, along with a smaller female Ape Creature weighing about 225 lb, with dark hair.  Both of these creatures were going through the motions of waitressing, though they appeared to be a little confused.

I watched these two Ape Creatures for about five minutes.  It was taking all of their effort and concentration to bring things to the three tables of customers who had already been seated.  What appeared to be causing some confusion, and posed a dilemma for them, was that they didn’t grasp the concept that they didn’t have to stand in front of the cook’s window waiting for food to be put out, that they could go and do other things.

Partly because of their fascination with the cook’s food window where they remained standing and staring, or perhaps because I reminded them of someone who had once shot and killed one of their family members, neither of the two Ape Creatures came over to take my order.

I went looking for John Mueller who I had seen when I arrived, to tell him that his Ape Creatures were not taking my order, but apparently John had gone to the other side of the island, as he was no where to be found.

If you know anything about me, you might think that getting to see Ape Creatures up close and eating Prime Rib would be an enjoyable night for me.  It turns out that I only want to see Ape Creatures in the wild, and that they do not make very good waitresses.  I never did get any Prime Rib to eat.