I was in downtown Dickinson recently with three of my co-workers, and we were each offered a Marathon Oil Company hat by a Marathon employee that we know.  I accepted the tan hat, and I put it on.  My three co-workers declined the other hat.

I was happy with my new hat, and I said to the Marathon employee that I have known for about three years,  “I hope that I don’t get arrested for something and my arrest mugshot is in the news, wearing a Marathon Oil Company hat.”  Then I said, “Or maybe I will get away, and the police will put out a description, saying the suspect was wearing a Marathon Oil Company hat.”

I was then required to promise that I would never tell anyone where I got my Marathon Oil Company hat.  And I agreed, because by that time, I figured that, “I would be more attractive to women because they would think that I worked for Marathon, that I had a good job, and that I made a lot of money.”  The person that gave me the hat said, “I don’t see that happening.”  This hurt my feelings.  I was happy, and then I was sad, owning this Marathon Oil Company hat.

About 1/2 hour later, one of the most beautiful young women that I know walked up.  She is my height, has long reddish brown hair, beautiful bright green eyes, and she is very thin and in shape from bicycling, hiking, and rock climbing.  I began talking to her, she just came into town from Montana.  She met some people that are on a cross country bicycle trip, and she wanted to go with them, but she doesn’t have any of her stuff.  I said that I had two extra mountain bikes in the back of my truck, she can have one of them if she wanted.

We walked about one block and around the corner to look at the bikes that were in the back of my truck.  We were talking about different things, and where else she might get the rest of the things that she wanted.  I had just seen this guy Andrew that she knows better than me, that would likely have saddle bags and backpacks.

When I got back to downtown, I said to the Marathon employee who had given me the Marathon Oil Company hat, “Did you see that beautiful young lady that I was talking to, she wanted to know if I could get her a job at Marathon.”  The Marathon employee said, “You know that Marathon is a very ethical and moral company, can I please have my hat back?”  And I gave the hat back.

My feelings were hurt.  I am 48 years old, and I never had a hat taken back from me for not being ethical and moral enough.  I was embarrassed, ashamed, and humiliated that my hat was taken away from me, in public, for not being up to Marathon Oil Company’s standards.  How have I failed so horribly as a human being, what have I done with my life?

I bet that less than 5% of the Marathon employees in Dickinson have a Bachelor of Science in engineering like me, or have equal job experience to me, or have gone through as stringent government background checks as me.  However, because of the Marathon Oil Company culture and corporate brain washing, even Marathon employees with no college education, are higher level and superior to most human beings, and most people are not qualified to even wear a Marathon Oil Company hat once they start to analyze it more closely.

Now I want a Marathon Oil Company hat, and also a shirt, for both myself, and the gentleman that the four Dickinson Police Officers had to wrestle and take to jail for attacking everyone, for when he is released from jail.