There once was a young calico crayfish named Teal, who grew up in Dickinson, North Dakota not far from the Heart River that flows through Dickinson. Teal was a very active and energetic young crayfish, she enjoyed hiking, running, and rock climbing.
Near the end of the North Dakota oil boom, Teal hitched a ride with some hippies to reach Bozeman, Montana. There are many more rivers near Bozeman: the Gallatin, the Yellowstone, Madison, Jefferson, and Missouri to name a few.
The young crayfishermen in Montana would lower their traps into the river where Teal lived, and she would happily climb in. When the young crayfishermen would pull their trap closer, they would say, “Damn, durn, and doubledang! Look at this miserable, skinny crayfish, she’s not even worth the trouble.” And they would toss her back into the river.
Life went on like this for a while, until one day, an older gentleman spotted Teal poking out from under a rock. He scooped her up, and said, “My, what have we here? I think I’ll take you home, and fatten you up, my pinchy pet.”
He took Teal home, and he kept her in his basement. He brought for her fresh fruits, vegetables, and meat to eat. He put a treadmill in the basement for Teal to use. He bought for her some new undies, dresses, earrings, and brownish dark red lipstick which suited her color. He had Teal wear her hair in either a single braid, or tied up in a tight bun, so that he could admire her long skinny neck.
Soon, Teal put on 5-10 lbs of weight, and had a much fuller, plumper, appetizing, and enjoyable tail. Teal became much better company, and they lived happily ever after.