The older I got, the more places that I lived, and the more of life that I experienced, the more that I saw through Stupid Phrases And Other Bullshit. I will share some of these:
- Fast Paced Environment – You mostly see this in job advertisements, and during in-person meetings with employers. What this means is that they are disorganized, chaotic, messed up, and have incompetent people.
Work environments that are truly “fast paced”, like McDonalds at lunch time, don’t waste their time trying to tell each prospective employee that they are “fast paced”. In time, each new employee learns their specific job, and later a few other jobs, and every employee just does their job, and the end result is that McDonalds is usually is pretty quick.
Other types of companies, like office workers in construction companies, that have to mention that they are “fast paced”, there is something wrong going on. There should not be non-stop complaints and problems with customers, suppliers, sub-contractors, field supervisors, foremen, and workers. If there is constant bombardment with problems and angry people, there is one or more persons that are not properly doing their job.
- Multi-tasking – Probably my least favorite expression, you often see this in job advertisements, and hear this during in-person meetings with employers. What this means is that they are disorganized, chaotic, messed up, and have incompetent people.
If someone asked me, “How are you at multi-tasking?” I would say, “I don’t. I pay attention to what I am doing, when I am doing it. And I try to do things right the first time.”
An employer hearing this response might think about this, “Paying attention to what you are doing when you are doing it, and trying to do things right the first time?” An employer might say, “I wish we had more people like you.” Or an employer might not like it. If an employer did not like it, and thinks that constant bombardment with complaints and problems is normal, you don’t want to work there.
Competent, intelligent people, who are knowledgeable in their job are able to think ahead, foresee problems, head problems off, make contingencies, properly delegate work, and give others the ability to solve their own problems. You should not set things up to where you have to “micro-manage” or act as a human funnel.
- We Have Integrity – If an employer is trying to tell you that “they have integrity”, they probably don’t. Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela, Ghandi, Abraham Lincoln, and Jesus didn’t go around trying to tell people that they had integrity.
If an employer is trying to tell you that they have integrity, go look them up personally on NDcourts.gov, Google, or call the Department of Labor to ask if there are any complaints against them.
- Starter Home – Probably my second least favorite expression, used by real estate agents in written property listings, and during in-person meetings with real estate agents. What this means is, the real estate agent who wrote this or said this personally believes that this is not a very nice house.
If a house is small, unattractive, or in a not very nice neighborhood, a real estate agent might have called it a “starter home”. The real estate agent really should have not used this expression. This home may have been suitable and desirable for an individual or family who will always have a low income, or might have faced a financial setback, financial catastrophe, medical problem, or disability. Calling a house a “starter home” is just about outright saying that no one would willingly want to live in this house for very long.
- Gourmet Kitchen – Ridiculous expression used by real estate agents in written property listings, and during in-person meetings with real estate agents.
If you can’t cook, your kitchen will not be a gourmet kitchen, no matter what type of refrigerator, oven, sink, and counter tops you have. Likewise, if you are a good cook, you may be a gourmet cook even if you don’t have a very nice refrigerator, oven, sink, and counter tops.
I think that if this is the route the real estate agents are going to take, they might as well use the term “gourmet closet” or “gourmet bathroom”, imagining that a gourmet cook might use this closet and this bathroom.
- Bed And Breakfast Anyone? – Ridiculous expression used by real estate agents in written property listings.
This makes me want to be a real estate agent, just so that I could write stupid shit in the property listings. O.K., this expression originates from the the real estate agent’s personal belief that this particular home is charming and quaint enough that it would be suitable for use as a Bed and Breakfast Lodge. Or, that making this statement will make a prospective buyer look at living in this home as being like living in a Bed and Breakfast Lodge. Or, the real estate agent is losing their mind, which is sometimes the case.
I know that I have thought of this at least several times before, what I would write if I were making the property listings for houses. I thought of some good ones, that I can’t remember now. I will either come back to this post and add them, or write a new blog post with them.