Decoding Stupid Phrases And Other Bullshit

The older I got, the more places that I lived, and the more of life that I experienced, the more that I saw through Stupid Phrases And Other Bullshit.  I will share some of these:

  • Fast Paced Environment –  You mostly see this in job advertisements, and during in-person meetings with employers.  What this means is that they are disorganized, chaotic, messed up, and have incompetent people.

Work environments that are truly “fast paced”, like McDonalds at lunch time, don’t waste their time trying to tell each prospective employee that they are “fast paced”.  In time, each new employee learns their specific job, and later a few other jobs, and every employee just does their job, and the end result is that McDonalds is usually is pretty quick.

Other types of companies, like office workers in construction companies, that have to mention that they are “fast paced”, there is something wrong going on.  There should not be non-stop complaints and problems with customers, suppliers, sub-contractors, field supervisors, foremen, and workers.  If there is constant bombardment with problems and angry people, there is one or more persons that are not properly doing their job.

  • Multi-tasking – Probably my least favorite expression, you often see this in job advertisements, and hear this during in-person meetings with employers.  What this means is that they are disorganized, chaotic, messed up, and have incompetent people.

If someone asked me, “How are you at multi-tasking?”  I would say, “I don’t.  I pay attention to what I am doing, when I am doing it.  And I try to do things right the first time.”

An employer hearing this response might think about this, “Paying attention to what you are doing when you are doing it, and trying to do things right the first time?”  An employer might say, “I wish we had more people like you.”  Or  an employer might not like it.  If an employer did not like it, and thinks that constant bombardment with complaints and problems is normal, you don’t want to work there.

Competent, intelligent people, who are knowledgeable in their job are able to think ahead, foresee problems, head problems off, make contingencies, properly delegate work, and give others the ability to solve their own problems.  You should not set things up to where you have to “micro-manage” or act as a human funnel.

  • We Have Integrity – If an employer is trying to tell you that “they have integrity”, they probably don’t.  Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela, Ghandi, Abraham Lincoln, and Jesus didn’t go around trying to tell people that they had integrity.

If an employer is trying to tell you that they have integrity, go look them up personally on NDcourts.gov, Google, or call the Department of Labor to ask if there are any complaints against them.

  • Starter Home – Probably my second least favorite expression, used by real estate agents in written property listings, and during in-person meetings with real estate agents.  What this means is, the real estate agent who wrote this or said this personally believes that this is not a very nice house.

If a house is small, unattractive, or in a not very nice neighborhood, a real estate agent might have called it a “starter home”.  The real estate agent really should have not used this expression.  This home may have been suitable and desirable for an individual or family who will always have a low income, or might have faced a financial setback, financial catastrophe, medical problem, or disability.  Calling a house a “starter home” is just about outright saying that no one would willingly want to live in this house for very long.

  • Gourmet Kitchen – Ridiculous expression used by real estate agents in written property listings, and during in-person meetings with real estate agents.

If you can’t cook, your kitchen will not be a gourmet kitchen, no matter what type of refrigerator, oven, sink, and counter tops you have.  Likewise, if you are a good cook, you may be a gourmet cook even if you don’t have a very nice refrigerator, oven, sink, and counter tops.

I think that if this is the route the real estate agents are going to take, they might as well use the term “gourmet closet” or “gourmet bathroom”, imagining that a gourmet cook might use this closet and this bathroom.

  • Bed And Breakfast Anyone? – Ridiculous expression used by real estate agents in written property listings.

This makes me want to be a real estate agent, just so that I could write stupid shit in the property listings.  O.K., this expression originates from the the real estate agent’s personal belief that this particular home is charming and quaint enough that it would be suitable for use as a Bed and Breakfast Lodge.  Or, that making this statement will make a prospective buyer look at living in this home as being like living in a Bed and Breakfast Lodge.  Or, the real estate agent is losing their mind, which is sometimes the case.

I know that I have thought of this at least several times before, what I would write if I were making the property listings for houses.  I thought of some good ones, that I can’t remember now.  I will either come back to this post and add them, or write a new blog post with them.

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3 thoughts on “Decoding Stupid Phrases And Other Bullshit

  1. Your comment about workplaces being described as “fast-paced environment” is pretty funny. Made me realize I’ve never given any thought about how job descriptions are phrased. You’re right. They probably really mean they’re flying by the seat of their pants. I can’t say I disagree with any of your workplace characterizations (though I must mention that a woman I know who lives in South Africa thinks there’s no bigger criminal than Mandela, but I won’t go into all that here now).

    Real estate is always an interest and intrigue to me and you already know I’m full of opinions about it. Goes with the territory of moving too often, having very good and very bad experiences with realtors (and homeowners) along the way.

    One of the best realtors we ever worked with stands out in my memory because he (believe it or not) talked us out of buying a house he had listed. He knew we didn’t really love it and would regret buying it. He had no ulterior motive, he was simply being a good man (who had a heck of a lot of experience and wisdom). We were very young then and he helped us make a better choice that didn’t benefit him in any tangible way. That man earned the best professional reputation in town, a lifetime of treating people right and looking out for them.

    Some thoughts for anybody attempting to buy a property…I tried to post this bit a few weeks back, but I think it was among that batch which wound up in the spam folder…..

    You make an offer and wonder of wonders…..you hear something like this: “Hello (Chump)! Well, it looks like the sellers are expecting another offer….” At this time, somewhere in your DNA you will get a prickly feeling, you may have the nastiest feeling that your realtor may be playing for the other team (for himself/herself). Then, you’ll dismiss this because it’s a terrible feeling and your realtor is SO NICE.

    Trust your instinct. Please, just trust it. Always. I can’t tell you how many times hubs and I have heard this bit about ‘other sellers/other offers’ (often they spice it up, aka plausible deniability, call them “out of town buyers”). Those “buyers” and their “offers” almost ALWAYS FAIL TO APPEAR. Read this to a realtor you know and what will they say? She doesn’t know what she’s talking about! Listen to her and lose a great property!

    There’s ALWAYS another house. Odds are good they’re bluffing.

    P.s. You’re absolutely, denotatively and more, correct regarding “gourmet”.

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    1. The first house I ever bought, I wanted to use both the best and most experienced attorney that I could find, and the best and most experienced real estate agent that I could find. I got the attorney’s recommendation for a realtor. I gave both the attorney and the real estate agent a letter explaining that I had vehicles, trailers, and equipment, and that I wanted to operate my business out of of my home, that I wanted there to be no disagreements and disputes with my neighbors or zoning. My real estate agent was telling me that it would be O.K. for me to buy a house that was in “Equestrian Estates”, and I was having to really question why in the world he didn’t think that “Equestrian Estates” wouldn’t have a fit over my vehicles, trailers, and equipment, and he said, “I didn’t know you had all of that stuff.” Man, this almost turned out to be the biggest mess of my life, and I had both an attorney and a real estate agent supposedly advising me.

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  2. One more thought, specific to real estate in Dickinson, ND. It is a mystery to me that out of all the realtors working here, not a one, NOT A ONE of them has embraced all that technology, innovation has made possible and available to their profession. I do not understand this. If they would spend some time on realtor dot com, peruse listings which are being offered in large, HIGHLY COMPETITIVE markets, they might become familiar with all the really cool things some realtors have learned to do. Get a professional photographer to take gorgeous, flattering photos with beautiful color and lighting. I’m not talking about photoshop, not talking about fakery, just somebody who knows how to use a proper camera (not a dang cell phone), lenses and lighting. Realtors are even creating 3-D renditions of homes, cross-section images which provide buyers some sense of scale, etcetera.

    If you look at the photos your realtor is using to market your home and they look pitiful (dark, messy, close-ups of furniture that isn’t staying, realtor’s image in some mirror, yada yada) ask yourself WHY you accept such from someone who’s supposed to be EARNING that commission. Most of the photography realtors here use is awful. Look around out there on the Internet, look at those images in markets where realtors have to stay current, compete.

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