Tag Archives: difficulty dating after college

Dating Advice For Jane On TikTok

About two months ago I began seeing videos of a young lady named “Jane” on TikTok. At first, I thought that she was attractive, and upper-class or upper-middle-class, and so did many of her viewers. I am guessing that we thought this because she didn’t behave like most other young women her age.

Jane seemed to have a moderate and considered view on most things that other young people her age are consumed or obsessed with. Getting a job, having a job, having an apartment, having an automobile, clothes, jewelry, travel, boyfriend seemed unconcerning, unimportant, and inconsequential to her.

I liked Jane and I was interested in her, so I began watching ALL of her TikTok videos. She had grown up on the east coast of Florida, not far from where I grew up. I think that a lot of her growing up experiences were very much the same as mine, my sister’s, my sister’s husband, and our friends. All of us knew that we would be going to some college in the South, it was automatic, we didn’t really care, appreciate it, or feel privileged.

Growing up in Florida in a middle-class family, parents play golf, tennis, go off-shore fishing, sailing, boating, and get drunk. Not in a white-trash, I want to beat my wife, I want to curse my employer, I want to fight the cops, get arrested and lose your employment at a weekend cook-out type of drinking, but where everyone gets along and has a good time. This leads to teens learning to drink, and having an enjoyable time with their friends and family on boats, beaches, sand bars, lakes, docks, and backyard pools.

There are probably a thousand small, private colleges in the South, and some public universities that are nearly the same as private colleges. When the middle-class kids go to these small southern colleges, they are amongst their peers with very similar backgrounds. Socializing, meeting people, going out with friends, going to parties, drinking, hooking-up is as easy as riding a bike when you are so immersed with similar people. This experience is also taken for granted, and not fully appreciated at the time.

In many of Jane’s early TikTok videos, she was still living in the town where she had gone to college, it appeared. Like many college towns, there were a dozen fun, entertaining bars within walking distance of each other. In most of Jane’s early videos, she was joking/not-joking about getting drunk, getting high, and acting stupid.

I got the impression that Jane had probably spent a little too much time drinking during college, and was continuing to do so, she was kind of confessing and admitting it. I also believed that Jane had not had very fulfilling romantic relationships, because that was what she was describing.

I have seen extremely beautiful and lovely young women in college not have very good romantic relationships because they didn’t pursue them with any kind of plan or strategy. They didn’t know that they had to have a plan because there was no feeling of urgency or any sense of shortness of time. But before they know it, college is over, and they will never be immersed in a peer group of eligible mates like that again in their life. Then, dating does become difficult.

In a way, I admire Jane and her parents for not requiring there being any urgency for Jane finding a husband. Some mothers have very serious, threatening, and guilt-inducing talks with their daughters about the whole point of them paying for college was for her to find a good husband. From Jane’s descriptions of her mother and father, I think that they tried to offer suggestions and advice to Jane throughout her life, but she just does what she wants.

For the past couple of months, Jane has been making videos that in a roundabout way express her depression and sadness with not being able to meet anyone that she likes, who likes her back. For the time being, I am not going to explain and elaborate any further on Jane’s background and current circumstances, so that I can try to get to the point of giving dating advice to Jane.

Jane is 27 years old now, and I hope that she realizes that she has to have a plan and a strategy to meet someone, she just can’t leave this to chance or randomness, time goes by too quickly. Whether she knows it or not, Jane has a lot of good, desirable qualities. She is attractive, healthy, intelligent, has a good sense of humor, and is not trashy.

To meet suitable men, Jane needs to be able to find them. If Jane were lower-middle-class, or looking for a hook-up, I would tell Jane to join a gym, or how to meet firefighters, but that would just be wasting more time. The suitable men for Jane are wealthier, more educated, and professional. She can find and meet these men through their interests and hobbies.

Most wealthy, educated, professional, and successful men are interested in exotic cars, race cars, motorcycles, expensive watches, fast boats, offshore fishing boats, cruising yachts, sailing yachts, airplanes, and adventure travel. The thing that these men like second to owning their cars, motorcycles, expensive watches, boats, yachts, and airplanes, is someone complimenting and admiring these things that they own.

Jane needs to look at magazines to become very familiar with expensive cars, motorcycles, watches, boats, yachts, airplanes, and travel destinations. Whether Jane works at a golf course, visits a golf course, works at a resort, visits a resort bar or restaurant, gets invited to a party, attends an exotic car auction, attends a classic car show, gets to the pits and infield of a car race, goes to a boat show, attends a tech sales convention, goes on a tour-of-homes fundraiser, works in real estate, works in insurance, is a professional sales rep….Jane needs to look for and listen for men talking about their car, motorcycle, boat, yacht, plane, or where they are traveling, and express to them her interest and admiration.

Stupid women are probably rolling their eyes that they should have to stoop so low as to pretend to be interested in some man’s car, motorcycle, boat, or airplane, HOWEVER, the women who DO express an interest, ARE the ones who get invited to go for a ride, an afternoon of sailing, or a trip somewhere.

If women could think several steps ahead, a man with a $100K car, probably owns at least a $300K home. A man with a $300K boat, probably owns at least a $700K home. If a woman gets invited for a car ride, boat trip, or airplane trip, she will be introduced to this man’s friends and acquaintances who are probably just as successful and wealthy.

I want to emphasize and reiterate, successful, professional, educated, wealthy men place a great deal of importance on their possessions and hobbies. It is very off-putting, irritating, and insulting to these men when other people do not appreciate or recognize the significance of their toys and hobbies. These men are just like happy children when a woman finally compliments and recognizes how wonderful and awesome their possessions and hobbies are.

Many married men have absconded with their plain looking secretary because she pretended to share her employer’s enjoyment of his newest car, boat, or plane whereas his much more beautiful and accomplished wife never did.

The next dating advice that I am going to give to Jane, which is also very important, is that she quit deliberately trying to test people by being gross, sulky, moody, difficult, or sarcastic. Some examples of things that Jane needs to stop doing:

  • Do not talk about or make videos about using the bathroom.
  • Do not show your belly if doing so will be unflattering.
  • Do not stick your tongue out if doing so will be unflattering.
  • Do not get drunk and say that you need more starfish semen.
  • Do not talk about whether you are on birth control or not.
  • Do not become excessively intoxicated.

Jane did not ask for my advice or my mini-biography of her, and she probably will not like this blog post for a number of reasons, one of them being that it’s embarrassing. I point out that I did not use her last name, the town she is from, where she went to school, or where she lives currently.

Here is a 30-second video that Jane made of herself, that I think she would be least offended by me sharing: