Snake River Women, Preparation for Dickinson, North Dakota

In 2010, I found myself in a bar one evening, not far from the Snake River.  It was summer, and the sky became darker outside as it passed 8:30 p.m.  Gathered were: several veterans of the Vietnam War, a couple of presently employed construction workers, a couple of presently unemployed construction workers, a parolee, a handicapped person, the head bar skank, an off duty bar skank, and a free roaming bar skank.

It was Saturday night, and the bar would become busier as the night moved on.  Angry music was played on the jukebox, “…judging from all the assholes in the room, I’m definitely not alone…”, “…so I jacked the keys to my girlfriend’s car, wrecked that piece of shit, and then stepped away…”  The construction workers played pool, the handicapped guy talked to himself, the skanks smoked and yelled at people.

More and more single guys entered the bar as time passed.  The great big tall guy who owned the trucking company had a pretty good girlfriend, she was a tall blond, pretty, funny, good at pool.  One of the Vietnam Veterans had a very good looking daughter who came in for a short while, but she was gone before long.

When you are a single guy in a bar, you hope that there will be some pretty women that come in, that maybe you can get.  As it became close to 10 p.m., it looked doubtful that that was going to happen.  Unfortunately, it can not be helped, if the pretty women in the town choose not to come to the bar, but instead stay home and bake cookies.

The bar was crowded now at 11:00 p.m., though it was mostly men.  To get out of the midst of the crowd and the noise, I had moved closer to the entrance, at the end of the bar.  Through the window and between the curtains I could see an older 1970s Ford truck, and 1970s Chevy truck, drive by and find a parking spot along the street.  In a minute or so, in walked a slender young man in his mid-twenties, followed close behind by a plump female creature with bright red streaks in her dark brown hair.  In walked a similar young man, the female with him was also plump with dark hair, but this one had blue streaks in her hair.

These two females had normal size breasts more or less, medium length hair, soft pale skin, but their faces, necks, shoulders, arms, buttocks, and legs were heftier than normal, almost as if they had been accustomed to pulling wagons or sleds.  They did not appear to be comfortable inside this bar, it was as if it was new and strange to them.  They did not settle down, but bobbed their heads, craned their necks around, as if looking for signs of danger, or perhaps, food.

It was then that one of the Vietnam Veterans leaned over and spoke to me,”You’re looking at them girls over there aren’t you!  Well, I could tell you was.  Look here, do you know where those girls come from?  Those girls is Snake River girls, they come from the Snake River bottoms, the swampy areas, the low areas, the banks.  What you do, is you do like them boys.  You wait till it gets dark, it has got to be after dark, between 10 and 11, you drive along the river road, it has got to be in a truck, maybe, maybe like a great big old Chrysler might work, but just as likely not, it needs to be an old truck, so that they can hear you.”

I can’t say that I looked at this guy with disbelief, because what he was saying seemed plausible.  He continued,”You have got to make a lot of noise, normally if the tail gate is rattling and the doors are sqeaking, they will come out, but if they don’t, you have got to get a piece of pipe and bang on the bed of your truck.  Then you have got to take a flash light and shine it along the river bank, right beside an upturned tree is a good place to look, another good place is if there is a pile of logs and trees from when the river flooded, that is also a good place to look.  Now, you may think that some of these girls are a little hefty looking, not the kind you would see in a magazine, they are different, they are different, but hey, these old country boys don’t care nothing about that .”

I didn’t say anything, or ask any questions, I just nodded my head in agreement, as if what he was saying was easy to understand.  Nothing more was said.  Sometimes, you find yourself in a position, where it is easier to go along and fit in.

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