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To Avoid Trouble, You Should Get Permission Before You Pet Women

For the past couple of weeks there has been a lot of angry women looking at my blog post articles and leaving comments.  One of the ways to not anger women, not have problems, and to stay out of trouble, is to get permission before you pet women.

Here’s how this works, you want to ask someone with authority, permission to pet a woman, in front of her, so that she knows that it’s O.K., you have asked and received permission.

For example, at a bar, you might ask the bartender, “Would it be O.K. if I pet your waitress?”  But make sure that you ask and receive permission in front of the waitress before you pet her, so that there is no misunderstanding.

If you don’t know whether the man that a woman is with is her husband or boyfriend, you might ask, “Would it be O.K. if I pet your sister?”  See, that way, you are not insulting her husband or boyfriend, because you are acting like you thought that they were her brother.

If a man is much older than the woman he is with, you might ask, “Can I pet your daughter?” And if things are going well, you might then ask, “What is her name?”  However, in this day and age, there is currently this belief that men over eighteen years of age can not have a romantic relationship with younger girls in their teen years, so don’t get your feelings hurt if the answer is “No” on petting teen aged daughters.  Better to ask permission and be told “No”, than pet her without permission and everyone get mad, even if she is acting friendly.

In a beauty salon, if you ask one of the beauticians if you can pet so and so over there, they are likely to say something like, “She likes to be scratched under her boobs.”  But you never can be sure if they are kidding, or if they are serious, so in general it is better to start out by petting a woman gently to see how she responds before you try scratching anywhere.

When a woman is by herself, and you ask her, “Would it be O.K. if I pet you?”  You might often get the response from her, “If you have to ask, the answer is probably going to be no.”  When a woman says this, I think that 70% of the time it would be safe to proceed, unless you sense that she is mean and hateful.

When petting a woman that you don’t know, begin by pressing the open palm of your hand at the base of her neck, and stroking down her back in a smooth, firm motion.  You have to pet her at least twice in quick succession, or she will think that you are teasing her.  If you are too light with your hand, she will think that you are teasing her.

In time, you should develop a better idea of how each individual woman likes to be petted, or where she likes to be scratched.

Like cats, women have places that they don’t like to be petted or scratched, and inevitably you will find this out too.

Some men like to say things when they are petting women, such as “Your hair looks nice.”, or “You have a nice ass.”, or “You look beautiful.” or “You’re out of high school aren’t you?”  But some women become lulled into a kind of trance or stupor when you are petting them so it is best to not say anything so that you don’t wake them.

How Hard Should You Bite A Woman’s Ass

Since I seem to be focusing on women this week, I will continue on with this same theme and answer the question, “How Hard Should You Bite A Woman’s Ass?”

Women want attention and they want to be appreciated, so one of the ways that you can show both your interest and appreciation is to bite them on their ass.  This can be done when they are wearing pants, underwear, or no clothing at all.  However, in order to be sincere and arouse any kind of emotion in women, it must be done hard enough.

How hard you should bite depends on a woman’s age.  Follow the guidelines given below, and you can’t go wrong.  Except remember that we are talking about biting women on their ass, and not any other place, as this would be too hard elsewhere.  Also note the exception given at the end of this article regarding Mormon women and Asian women.

Women in their teens:  You should bite their ass increasingly hard until they say, “Ooowwww!”, but not beyond that, let go.

Women in their college age years, 18-23:  You should bite their ass increasingly hard until they say, “Ooowww, shit, that hurts!”, but not beyond that, let go.

Women aged 24-30:  You should bite their ass increasingly hard until they say, “Ooowww, shit, that hurts, what the fuck is wrong with you!”, but not beyond that, let go.

Women aged 31-40:  You should bite their ass increasingly hard until they say, “Ooowww, shit, that hurts, what the fuck is wrong with you, are you crazy!”, but not beyond that, let go.

Women aged 41-50:  You should bite their ass increasingly hard until they say, “Ooowww, shit, that hurts, what the fuck is wrong with your, are you crazy, don’t ever do anything like that again, I mean it!”, but not beyond that, let go.

Now, before any older women get too upset, it’s not like you are going to get bit that much harder than anyone else when you are over 40 years old, it’s that you are going to have less tolerance for it and start squealing sooner, louder, and longer to stop.

*Note:  Because Mormon women and Asian women are raised in a culture where they are taught not to complain, you could accidentally do some physical harm to Mormon and Asian women before they would complain about you biting too hard.  Or, Asian women might be complaining for you to stop but you don’t know what they are saying.

Now that I think about it, biting a woman on the ass is like writing a blog post article, you really aren’t getting their attention until they start saying, “What the fuck is wrong with you, are you crazy!”