For the five years that I lived in Arizona, I lived with two different room mates. For the past 3-1/2 years that I lived in Dickinson, North Dakota, I lived with a room mate.
You might think that people who have room mates are sociable people, but it is the exact opposite. With the three different room mates that I lived with, and two homeowners who were seeking room mates who I met with, they were all anti-social people who did not get along well with others.
All the people that I lived with or met who were seeking room mates, they were having a financial shortfall, and they needed additional income. I saw and I experienced that they were not making very much money, because they were disagreeable, stubborn, hard to get along with, and not completely aware of how they were interacting with other people.
I have talked with business people, and I have read this in books, that education and high IQ do not have the biggest correlation to success, it is something called “Emotional Intelligence”. If you look up and read about “Emotional Intelligence”, it is described as someone’s ability to sense and know what other people are feeling, how they will react, how to communicate with them, how to deal with others, and how to get along with others.
You may have met very successful entrepreneurs, sales people, or managers, that have very little education, no specialized training, and no expertise. However, they are able to sense, know, asses, and understand other people very well, and they are able to get other people to do what they want.
These people that have high Emotional Intelligence sometimes know, asses, and understand other people very well, and get other people to do what they want, and they have very little regard for other people’s feelings. These entrepreneurs, sales people, and managers are assholes, in our opinion, because they upset us and hurt our feelings. However, when they want a girlfriend, they are able to appear charming, caring, and sincere, probably better than we normal or average people ever could.
The people who seek room mates, the people who are having a financial shortfall, they are the exact opposite of people with high Emotional Intelligence. They do not understand how other people feel, what other people are thinking, the impression that they make on other people, nor do they care.
I had a room mate in Arizona named Steve, who had a degree in mechanical engineering like me. Steve’s father had been president of a very large university, and he later became director of a very large department of the United States government. Steve’s father was probably worth $10 million. Steve was more intelligent than me, and he was a better engineer than me. But Steve was unemployed, and nearly broke.
I moved in with Steve, because Steve was nearly broke, and he was having great financial difficulty. I was doing non engineering work, and making pretty good money. I offered several times to Steve, for him to come and work at the same company with me, but he refused. During this time, I bought a Jeep Wrangler, a Jeep CJ5, and a Porsche 911, in addition to my truck that was already paid for. I owned four vehicles that were all paid for.
Even though I was doing well, Steve was very belittling and insulting towards me. Steve did not have any friends, nor a girlfriend, though he had lived in this town for twenty years. I invited him to go do things with me, but he didn’t want to. I invited him to come and do the work that I was doing, but he didn’t want to. Steve being sour, arrogant, belittling, insulting, stubborn, and uncaring, made him not have any friends, a girlfriend, or able to get a job and keep a job.
A young co-worker girl liked me, she was fun, funny, and hot. I introduced her to Steve. Steve was interested in her, but she was not interested in Steve. Then, I tried to get Steve to go on a date with my work supervisor, but he would not. I had a hard time convincing my work supervisor to go on a date with Steve. Finally, I got them both to agree to be my guests at a nice restaurant.
Steve and my work supervisor began dating. Later, Steve said the wrong thing, and he did the wrong thing, and they broke up. She began dating someone else for about four months. I explained all the good qualities that Steve had, all his positive attributes, and got her to reconsider Steve.
The second time around, Steve was more careful, and he tried harder to say and do the right things. She moved in, they became engaged, and they got married. I had to move out.
A few years later, they had two children, a boy and a girl. About ten years later, I believe that his wife and his two children moved to another house, leaving him to stay where he was. They didn’t get a divorce. She just moved across town to different house. I don’t blame her, and I understand this completely. He was negative and hard to live with.
My room mate here in Dickinson, he has lived here for almost sixty years, and he does not have any friends, nor a girl friend, nor a job. He is mostly unaware of how he appears to other people, how they feel about him, and the impression that he makes. He needed a room mate because he was having a financial shortfall, not because he is a sociable person.
I got him a job working with me out of town, for a company that I had recently been promoted to manager. Within about a day or two, he was telephoning the company owner to try to get me fired, and he was telephoning his cousin who was out of work, telling him that there was going to be a job opening. I had worked for this company for a year, my room mate, who I convinced the company owner to hire, for two days. I believe that the company owner checked with the customer, and the customer said that if anyone was a problem, it was my room mate, not me.
At the same time that my room mate was trying to get me fired, he was propositioning the two young ladies at the front desk of the hotel where we were staying. My room mate was 58 years old, about sixty pounds overweight, with rotten and missing teeth, and he was in bad health. This was the first time that he had a job in a long time, and the first time that he had been out of town in a long time.
Not being able to read people, asses people, understand other people, or understand the impression of what he was saying, doing, and how he was behaving, was disastrous for him, like it probably had been for his entire life. He told me that he thought that these two young ladies working at the front desk were “looking to make a little extra money”, so he was down there trying to proposition them.
He did not know that these two young ladies were sisters, that they were both married, that their parents had owned this hotel for twenty years, that these young ladies had been friends with the owner of my company for the past fifteen years, and that the owner of my company stopped there about once every two weeks. The owner of the company that I was working for said to me, that after this was over, my room mate would never work for his company again.
One year later, a different company that needed me to work for them on a six month project, asked me if I could provide one additional person that I knew and had worked with before. In order to help myself get this job, I offered to have my room mate work with me, I said that I could vouch for him. That is all they wanted to hear.
My room mate made a good enough initial impression, by not saying very much. We had about one hour of orientation, and then we were on our own. Within about one week, I found my room mate not doing his work. I asked him about it, and he replied, “That is not our responsibility.” I couldn’t believe it, he was not doing the exact and only thing that we were hired to do. Within a couple of hours he apologized and said, “I know, I was wrong, I was mistaken, I don’t know what I was thinking.”
About one week later, I found him not doing his work again. I asked him about it, and he replied, “That is not our responsibility”. I couldn’t believe it. I yelled at him, “God damn it you lazy fat fuck! I will go do it myself!”
Now, I was in trouble. I caught my room mate on two separate occaisions, not doing his work. When I yelled at him, calling him “a lazy fat fuck”, that is something that I could get fired for. I would have to lie and say that I never said that, if I was going to keep my job. My room mate started to act like he was going to file a “hostile work environment” complaint against me, which this company would in fact take seriously.
I didn’t and couldn’t report my room mate for not working, in order for him not to file a complaint against me. But him not working and doing his job, was likely going to get the both of us fired.
My room mate continued to do a shitty job, which the company noticed and didn’t like very much. My room mate made the mistake of being verbally abusive with a “human resources lady” on the telephone. This lady was the vice-president of the company in Texas. My room mate was instructed to never, ever, telephone her again, for any reason.
Towards the end of this project, which actually went for nine months instead of six months, my room mate was having health problems which would require surgery. My room mate told me that he was going to have to have an on the job accident, in order to get workers compensation to pay for his surgery.
I regretted very much, getting my room mate this job, and vouching for him. Because of his lack of Emotional Intelligence, not being able to read, asses, and understand other people, and not being able to understand the impression and effect he had on other people, he had always had difficulty in getting a job and keeping a job.
In my previous blog post, I described many of the other problems that I had with my room mate in Dickinson, North Dakota. In this blog post, I was describing and explaining that some of the most difficult people that you will have to deal with in your life, are people that seek for other people to come share a residence with them.